Tuesday Twofer- Running Diary.

Here's today's class diary. Also, I posted a small link on why a popular Disney Ride is closing. That's the post directly below this one. Here's the diary:

1:29:32 PM- Class is starting early, that seems unfair.

1:30:02 PM- Today in political indoctrination 101, we will be studying free speech. It would be delicious irony if I were to get in trouble for saying something offensive during a lecture on free speech.

1:31:04 PM- We’ve just been told that there will be a “special treat” to help us understand the Brandenburg free speech test.

1:31:48 PM- Turns out “Special Treat” means “Extra Work.”

1:32:31 PM- Prof. mispronounces the word “particular.” I swear I’m not making this up.

1:32:57 PM The board has a note that there will be a make up class on the Friday of Veterans’ Day weekend. So basically, anyone who was planning on a four day weekend you are apparently SOL. Or you are going to do what I am planning to do, not show up. I realize that this might be considered heresy at this school, but I don’t think that students should have to pay for Professor screw ups.

1:37:07 PM- We are being assigned groups. Please don’t put me in a weird group.

1:38:24 PM- Dang. I got assigned to a weird group. Everyone else got put in a group with people who they sit next to. Mysteriously, I didn’t. But there is no agenda of trying to put students with one viewpoint with students with the opposing viewpoint. That simply would not happen.

1:41:41 PM- It turns out that speech that is a Clear and Present Danger can be regulated. Is it possible to sue to get out of this class on the grounds that it represents a Clear and Present danger to my sanity?

1:42:59 PM- Class got boring for a second so I decided to surf the internets. Turns out that one in ten U.S. Public Schools are “dropout factories,” i.e. schools where 40% or more of incoming freshmen will not graduate. Thank heaven we are leaving no child behind.

1:46:40 PM- For some reason, our discussion of free speech somehow includes a discussion of the Las Vegas law against giving homeless people food in public parks. On the surface it may appear that the two subjects aren’t related, but upon further reflection I’ve decided that the two are REALLY unrelated.

1:50:13 PM- We are now talking about the same cross burning case that we talked about last semester. Apparently we are determined to leave no law student behind.

1:51:11 PM- 21 minutes into class and we’ve had our first use of the word “Nigger” for shock value.

1:54:25 PM- Wow. We actually learned law. In the first half hour of class too. Who would have guessed? Maybe it was an oversight. I’m guessing there will be something weird or insulting in class later to make up for it.

1:56:06 PM- Trying to think of a Halloween costume that I could do that wouldn’t require me to shave my beard or cut my hair. Ideas so far include Dr. House, Brody from Point Break, a Pimp, and Hillary Clinton.

1:58:08 PM- Prof. introduces a hypothetical situation in which she hates George W. Bush. Hypothetical, sure…

1:59:46 PM- Threatening speech is not protected speech, but hyperbolic threatening speech is protected. So, if you are going to threaten someone’s life, make sure to threaten to do it in an outlandish fashion. Don’t say, “I’m going to kill you,” say, “I’m going to rip open your abdomen and strangle you with your own intestines.” Gotta love free speech.

2:03:48 PM- We’re now talking about the need to use the f-bomb to convey emotion in depth in public discourse. I’m paying tuition for this. On an unrelated note, I’m now going to go light myself on fire.

2:05:37 PM- Still talking about the f-bomb. Apparently it has something to do with emotion and speech being “one.”

2:07:55 PM- Much more of this and I might start dropping the f-bomb.

2:09:58 PM- Lots of people are asking questions to stall getting into groups, apparently, I’m not the only one not looking forward to this.

2:10:41 PM- Oh, f-bomb, someone asked a question and now she’s on her soap box. Apparently free speech is more important to us than air.

2:25:29 PM- Group turned out not to be weird at all but rather pleasant. Good people and we actually had a good discussion. We discussed our hypothetical problem for roughly 3 minutes and then spent the remainder of the time talking about how much we hate this class. Time well spent.

2:28:15 PM- Osama’s picture is on the board again. Our class in free speech is doubling as a lesson in shock value. Did I mention I'm paying tuition for this?

2:29:27 PM- A group came to the conclusion that Osama’s announcement of a fatwa is protected free speech. Ladies and Gentlemen, the I give you the future lawmakers of Nevada.

2:32:25 PM- We’re now talking about whether Michael Moore’s movie “Fahrenheit 9-11” is protected speech. This seems like a good time to mention that Michael Moore dropped out of college because when he showed up one morning he couldn’t find a parking space. He never went back. He is now the voice of the Radical Left in America. The same thing happened to me and I parked across the street. Life is unfair.

2:35:05 PM- Prof. accidentally called Michael Moore, “Roger Moore.” I swear I’m not making this up.

2:40:36 PM- We’re talking about a scenario where a torch mob is incited by free speech to burn the White House down. No mention how the Torch mob got passed the snipers, small army of secret service agents, and bullet proof windows to get torches into the White House. You can’t even bring toe-nail clippers into the White House. How did the mob get torches in? This hypo makes no sense.

2:43:33 PM- I feel myself getting dumber being in this class. If I lose any more IQ points I might not be able to understand the intricate and nuanced plotting of this week’s episode of Gossip Girl.

2:49:17 PM- Crap, we are talking about “feelings” again. After this class, I feel like I need to go to a monster truck rally to reclaim my manliness.

2:51:09 PM- Prof. says we are getting to the “exciting part” of free speech. Stop, please, I don’t think I can handle any more excitement. My doctor says if this class gets any more exciting he might have to upgrade my status from “Comatose” to “ Vegetative State.”

2:53:06 PM- Our current case involves a man who wrote an instruction manual on how to murder people. Does anyone need a manual for that? Aren’t CSI reruns on, like, 24 hours a day? Could there be a better instruction manual? If you can’t borrow an idea from CSI, then the murder you are planning is far too complicated. Also, if you need to ask how to kill someone, you probably don’t have the skill to do it, and you shouldn’t try.

2:55:21 PM- CLASS IS OVER!