The Thursday Running Diary.

1:32:12 PM- Class has been going on for 5 minutes already and I didn’t notice. It’s that stimulating.

1:32:42 PM- Today’s class will involve us going over the hypothetical situations that we talked about in our groups last time. I’ve mostly blocked out the last class so the results should seem fairly new.

1:34:01 PM- The room we are in is roughly a thousand degrees, which means they still didn’t fix the air conditioning system. That’s good though, because now the class will feel even more like Hell on Earth than before. Also adding to the metaphor is the fact that the classroom reeks of B.O. and imitation cheese. Apparently the 1L’s had an optional mandatory meeting during lunch. Judging by the smell, they were served the Law School’s standard meal: Hell Pizza. The Pizza basically tastes like Styrofoam, but lacks the nutritional value. Basically, the Law School Pizza is the culinary equivalent of a terrorist attack. If Osama Bin Ladin were to make a recipe book, this pizza would be on the cover with “Death To Infidels” spelled out in pepperoni. I swear it is that bad.

1:40:53 PM- We’re now talking about why we allow people to say things that are offensive. Answer: If we didn’t, Law School Professors would never talk.

1:42:36 PM- A student is currently under fire. He is asked for his opinion…wait, he’s trying to say he has no opinion.

1:43:06 PM- Prof. won’t allow it. She’s forcing him to have an opinion.

1:43:22 PM- Now the student is being forced to explain the rationale behind the opinion he doesn’t have and didn’t want to share.

1:44:01 PM- Prof. says, “I don’t want to belabor the point.” Too late.

1:45:41 PM- Prof. asks for volunteers and doesn’t get any. Crap, she seems upset about it. We may get chewed out later.

1:48:25 PM- Prof. now has Jake under the gun. I’m begging you Jake, say something right-wing and piss her off.

1:48:56 PM- still hoping…

1:49:30 PM- Jake, you’re killing me. I’m still hoping…nope, doesn’t look like it’s going to happen.

1:50:52 PM- Is it legal for an ex-cop to teach people how to smoke dope and get away with it? Legal or not, it’s freaking hysterical.

1:52:49 PM- Prof. is now referencing something out of a supplement we were all supposed to buy, and on the first day of class, she told us all we could take it back because she would give us a Xeroxed copy. We never got Xeroxed copies, and the bookstore refuses to take them back. And people wonder why students get frustrated with professors.

1:56:19 PM- Jake is back under the gun.

1:56:32 PM- Professor pronounced the word “quoted” and “coited.” I swear I’m not making this up.

1:57:07 PM- Jake argues that the government should stay out of our lives. And she didn’t have a problem with it. Biggest disappointment since Superman Returns turned out to be Superman Returns and learns to sigh and cope with an extremely boring plot.

2:00:02 PM- We are now talking about a case where a man published a how-to manual on how to murder people. Is there a Dummies book on this?

2:00:35 PM- Prof. says, for the 80,674^th time this semester, “Are you with me?” This must be turned into a drinking game.

2:01:34 PM- Next case- Orgasms to Death. I swear I’m not making this up. Good to see my tuition money is being well spent.

2:06:08 PM- Quick Amazon search reveals that there are no Dummies books on Murder. How sad. In other news, class is still talking about “Orgasms to Death.” The case apparently involves something called “autoerotic asphyxiation.” Apparently a lot of people in the class are familiar and have strong feelings on the subject. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the future law-makers of the State of Nevada.

2:09:32 PM- Still on autoerotic asphyxiation. There better be a lot of questions related to self strangulation on the bar.

2:11:25 PM- Self strangulation sounds more attractive every minute this class drags on.

2:13:01 PM- One student raises their hand and says, “My real concern with this subject is hacking.” Some 14 year old kid apparently strangled himself to death while walking the dog and she’s concerned about hacking!?!? Maybe I’m crazy, but I find the kid who died way more disturbing than some kid who thinks he’s Neo.

2:16:24 PM- Frak. I’m on the hot seat. Question is whether a picture of a gun held to George W. Bush’s head constitutes a threat. I respond no, because it’s not a real gun and besides, it’s not a good picture of George Bush because it doesn’t capture his true Majesty and Regalness. She promptly moves on to another student.

2:19:37 PM- In case you are wondering, I really did say that.

2:19:54 PM- And yes, I kept a straight face.

2:20:04 PM- New Case, A website published the home address and information of abortion doctors. Said doctors were later murdered. The court apparently felt that publishing their information was a threat.

2:24:29 PM- Prof. is pushing the class towards a discussion on abortion. She seems disappointed when the student she calls on turns out to be pro-choice. Sorry prof. not everyone in class is one of those pesky Mormons.

2:29:36 PM- Amazon search reveals that there are no dummies books for self asphyxiation either. There is a lengthy wikipedia entry on the subject. Who wrote that article? You may have too much time on your hands. Whoever you are, I’m begging you to invest some money in a Nintendo Wii, because your current hobbies are creepy.

2:32:39 PM- Prof. is asked a complicated question, she turns it around on the student and tells the student to go look up the answer. Heaven forbid she admit that she doesn’t actually know the answer cause she doesn’t have a clue what she’s doing.

2:34:42 PM- Dictionary.com says that in the legal world, the word incompetent is defined as follows: a person lacking power to act with legal effectiveness. Hmmm….

2:35:48 PM- Now we are talking about the patriot act. This should be a model of an evenhanded discussion.

2:37:02 PM- Prof. confesses to having visited Cuba. Thanks Castro.

2:37:32 PM- Dictionary.com defines bigot as follows: a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion. Hmmm…..

2:38:23 PM- A bunch of students who have never held a gun are now talking about whether a photo of flag draped coffins is damaging to troop morale. On an unrelated note, Dictionary.com defines arrogance as: offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride. Hmmm…..

2:41:33 PM- Apparently George Bush is trying to quash dissent, and is generally an all around evil man. Glad we cleared that up.

2:45:59 PM- There is now a small argument over whether today’s handout got passed out.

2:46:59 PM- Crap we are being out back into groups. Party and a half!

2:49:41 PM- My group is going to tackle the question of Flag Burning.

2:50:45 PM- Prof. has generously put the f-word on the handout numerous times. But she’s not trying to offend any of us. She’s just trying to get us to see both f---ing sides.

2:52:30 PM- Apparently the civil rights movement is inextricably linked to the things we’ve been talked about today. In other news, Flouride Toothpaste caused the Renaisance.

2:53:32 PM- Class ends early. We unenlightened souls rejoice.