The Tuesday Diary

1:30:29 PM- Welcome to today’s class, where knowledge comes to die.

1:30:52 PM- Today’s class is on Defamation, a subject that I actually know something about. I have an entire class on the subject, and the teacher in that subject is extremely competent. This should be interesting.

1:32:18 PM- Two minutes into class and I’ve just caught the professor saying something isn’t true. I’m starting to feel really good about the bar exam.

1:34:43 PM- In case you are wondering, today’s class did not feature a lengthy heartfelt apology for the Professor’s conduct in the last class, namely going out of her way to offend people. Faithful readers may recall that the author walked out of that class.

1:38:51 PM- Professor has a continuum of Libel standards written on the board. The only problem is that it’s not correct. I never realized how incomptetent our Prof was until she started talking about a subject I know something about.

1:40:15 PM- Prof. pronounces Jay Leno’s name as “Gee Lean-O.” You can’t make this stuff up.

1:43:37 PM- The current case involves inaccuracies in an article by the New York Times. The Times got something wrong? Really? I would have expected more from a newspaper that has repeatedly been shown to be biased and inaccurate.

1:46:52 PM- Prof. mispronounces the word “verdict.” Just incredible.

1:48:47 PM- Class has slipped into a really boring moment, so I’m going to take a second to say that last night’s HEROES was once again awesome. The only real disappointment was Kristen Bell. I just don’t like her character. It’s not her fault, I place this one squarely on the writers. I really wish that she’d taken the offer to appear on LOST, where the writing and dialogue are just better in general. Other than that, it’s been a remarkable return to form. Only three episodes left, stupid writers’ strike!

1:49:13 PM- Prof. Mispronounces the word verdict, yet again. Say it with me, VER-DICKED. Not VEER-A-DICKED.

1:54:59 PM- Does a joke by David Letterman constitute Libel? No, it constitutes proof that he’s a shell of his former self and that Conan is Funnier. Plus, Conan has Triumph.

1:59:22 PM- And once again, she mispronounces Jay Leno’s name. It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard at this point.

2:02:41 PM- Professor mispronounces “self-censorship” as “self-censure-ship”

2:03:54 PM- And she keeps mispronouncing Jay Leno’s name. Every student in the class who’s still awake is biting their lip to keep from laughing

2:05:30 PM- How do you mispronounce Jay Leno’s name? He performs on the strip several times a year. The commercials are all over the place.

2:08:14 PM- Is it libel to call Tom Cruise nuts and just plan crazy? No, truth is an absolute defense to a libel suit.

2:09:17 PM- Turns out Liberace used to sue people who called him gay. I’m sorry but that’s funny. If you can’t call Liberace gay, can you also not say the sky is blue? Grass is green? Hillary Clinton is an evil automated robot bent on ruling the universe and taking your money?

2:11:27 PM- Professor has a picture of Liberace on the overhead. Wow, nothing says Heterosexual Male quite like sequins, feather boas, and a pink Rhinestone suit. You just look at him and think, “Straight as a Ruler.” And the fur lined cape? Nothing manlier.

2:17:28 PM- We’re now talking about the Gertz case, which I practically memorized for Defamation Class. Let’s see if she gets anything wrong in his case.

2:19:32 PM- Jake points out that the ration of Mormons called on verses Non-Mormons called on is running 6:1. I guess I should start trying to think of something witty or ridiculous to say so that she’ll move on quickly.

2:22:14 PM- We’re talking about whether people listen to celebrities when they tell you who to vote for. That’s a big yes on my part. I do what Oprah says, no questions asked. Don’t you hate on my Oprah.

2:24:20 PM- And we’re back on Gertz, and the Professor is completely misstating the facts of the case. Wow, did she even read this case? How can someone be so wrong?

2:28:57 PM- Prof. Scharff, after seeing your subject taught be someone far less intelligent and talented than you, I have even greater respect for you. You are awesome and I am eternally grateful for your Defamation Class.

2:32:08 PM- Class has lapsed into another boring moment, so I thought I’d take this time to point out that Mitt Romney is going to be in Nevada on Saturday and I’m going to see him. I’m going to ask him if he feels sorry for knowing how to speak French. Some people won’t vote for him because he’s Mormon, but I’m far more concerned that he might have sympathies with the Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys having served a mission in France.

2:35:36 PM- You laugh, but one of the things that brought down John Kerry was the remark by someone that he “looked French.”

2:36:12 PM- John Kerry was also hurt by the fact that he’s a terrible human being in general.

2:37:55 PM- Prof. offers a hypo in which someone publishes an article in which they say she is a terrible teacher and is incompetent. Can she sue for libel? No, truth is an absolute shield to a defamation suit.

2:39:04 PM- Also, if you aren’t free to say that this professor is incompetent and terrible, I’m going to get in a lot of trouble for this blog. It’s kind of been the main idea of most of these running diaries. Except in a few instances when I called my classmates were incompetent and terrible.

2:47:26 PM- and I’m called on. Shoot.

2:50:59 PM- Oh crap, I actually know the answers. She may have a heart attack.

2:52:20 PM- No signs of a heart attack yet.

2:53:35 PM- Student asked question, Prof is answering, and she’s answering WRONG!!!!

2:53:55 PM- Class is over.