Monday, March 31, 2008

Thanks Tim

I don't think you read this, but thanks Tim. You're right and I'm going to do it.

Jack Handey

Jack Handey, famous for deep thoughts, has written an essay about how everything even outs. Highly recommended.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2008/03/03/080303sh_shouts_handey

Monday, March 24, 2008

Hillary caught on tape, blatantly lying.

Warning: this woman wants to be your president.



This is just another example of how she will say and do anything. DO NOT VOTE FOR THIS WOMAN.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Sub-prime Crisis

Some Australian satarists explain the sub prime mortgage crisis. If you've wondered what it's all about, this is a fairly good explanation.

http://www.abc.net.au/australiawide/stories/2008/200803/s2190009.htm

Darfur

As regular readers may know, the only issue over which I openly admit to having a social conscience is the ongoing violence in Darfur. The Sudan's main trading partner is China and there are many who think that if the violence is ever going to stop, China's influence will be key. Activists are urging those concerned to send a message to China's special representative on Darfur to send peacekeepers to get a handle on the situation. Please take a moment to click on the following link and fill out the message urging China to take action. I'm not asking you to donate a lot of time, or any of your money. All I'm asking you for is your voice.

http://action.savedarfur.org/campaign/china_liu

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The week in Housisms

I was contemplating the recent stories I thought I might try and relate the news to quotes from a favorite TV Show. Since Veronica Mars is no longer on, that makes House the most quotable show on TV. Here's this weeks take on the news, as related in favorite quotes from House, M.D.

1) Dr. Gregory House: "Nobel invented dynamite. I won't accept his blood money. "

This one comes from House talking about why he doesn't wouldn't accept an award that no one would give him anyway. We're going to tie this one to Hillary Clinton for essentially offering the VP slot to Barack Obama when she's losing to him. Exactly what planet is this woman living on? It takes testicular fortitude rarely seen on this planet to pull something like that. Way to totally show the world that you have at least one key presidential skill, Hillary: Denial. You're losing and you're going to continue to lose because you are about as likeable as the herpes virus and those "superdelegates" you thought would bail you out? Well guess what, there's only one reason that rats abandon ship, and that's 'cause the ship is sinking. Take a look at your campaign and you'll notice the word TITANIC stamped on the side and Jack and Rose sitting in the back talking about how they'll never let go. Those super-delegates are gone and you are pretty much done. Good Riddance.

2) Dr. Robert Chase: She was fine two hours ago.
Dr. Gregory House: If by fine you mean bleeding profusely out of every orifice, then yeah, I believe you.

This one goes to the economy which has been much worse than people thought it was for a long time and is only going to keep going down hill. Much of this is tied to the price of gas and the Kathy Bates nude scene that is the sub prime mortgage crisis. Most of this was totally foreseeable and preventable. I'm starting work at a bankruptcy firm, so I'm perfectly fine with all of this, but you may feel differently. Oh, and the continued rate cuts and the giant tax rebate? Those things are going to be about as effective as a band-aid on cancer. The recession is coming. Get ready.

3) Dr. Gregory House: McPhearson? Horrible doctor, I heard he tortured kittens.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No, McDonald.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, McDonald? Wonderful Doctor, loves kittens

This one goes to New York Governor Patterson. Patterson was chosen to replace the embattled Governor Spitzer who resigned amid allegations of infidelity and cavorting with prostitutes. Patterson chose his inauguration to announce that he has been cheating on his wife for years, too. Way to go Governor. You're sure an improvement over the last guy!

4) Dr. Gregory House: "Read less, more TV."

This one goes to LOST, which continues to blow me away. SPOILER ALERT. Nestor Carbonell or whatever the actor who plays Richard Alpert's name is, will be back in the final five eps of the season. Please let this mean we will get an explanation for why this guy isn't going on.

Remember, this season is all about who gets off the island and establishing that they need to get back. Next season is about why they need to get back and how they get there. And the final season is all about what happens when they get there. Can't wait.

4) Dr. Gregory House: "Everybody lies."

To the oil companies. Why? Because there is no way you can convince me that $3.50 is a legitimate price for gas. Congratulations oil companies, you are officially the very definition of evil. I look forward to seeing you in hell where ice water is abundant but costs 5 bucks a cup.

5) Dr. Lisa Cuddy: "If you would consider going to a shrink, I would pay for it myself. The hospital would hold a bake sale, for God's sake. "

This one goes to anyone who picked BYU to go beyond the second round of the NCAA tournament. Anyone who picked BYU to advance past the first round is probably going to be disappointed. And yes, I would love to be wrong.

Dr. Gregory House: "Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot. "

This one goes to the Houston Rockets. I'm typing this as I am watching them blow their 20+ game winning streak against Boston. You guys had an amazing run but you still aren't making it out of the first round of the playoffs.

Monday, March 10, 2008

I believe...

I believe...

that Sam Waterson should be featured less on Law and Order

that the Shaq trade is about a week away from being an unmitigated disaster.

that the Shaq trade was still a better move than the Jason Kidd trade.

that Las Vegas should get a Basketball team

that there is never a reason to watch a movie with Martin Lawrence in it. Ever.

that Dora the Explorer entered this country illegally.

that everyone should run a half marathon.

that Roger Clemens cheated.

that He-Man was on the juice too.

that one of the Muppet Babies was gay.

that insomnia sucks.

that the Wire had an amazing ending.

that this season of LOST has been amazing. Even the Juliet episode.

that Claire will be the next to die.

that Michael is Ben's man on the Boat.

that Obama is overrated.

that Vampire Weekend is pretty cool.

that "Cherry Bomb" by Spoon was one of the best songs of last year that you probably didn't hear.

that not listening to Joshua Radin and the Format are crimes against Music.

that I will never understand girls.

that I'm not nearly as tough as I thought I was.

that Law School grades are almost completely arbitrary.

that I want to live in Monterey, California one day.

that although I may laugh at Family Guy, I will never feel good about it.

that the Matrix is a terrible movie.

that Keanu Reeves should be required to use his "english" accent in every movie he appears in.

that Charlie Rose is better than Jay Leno.

that everyone should read the Book of Mormon and seriously contemplate it.

that tomorrow is going to be a good day

that my niece and nephew are the cutest little trouble makers ever.

that everyone is entitled to a defense.

that justice will never rob mercy.

that nothing smells as good as Aracoiaba da Serra on a rainy day.

that the affect you have on others is more important than your job.

that Bob Dylan still has it.

that deep breathing exercises don't work.

that people should blog.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Prayers are answered

From time to time, the universe throws you a bone. Something happens that can only be explained by the universe manipulating forces and individuals solely for my personal entertainment. This is one of those times. Perpetual Train wreck Lindsay Lohan's little sister, Ali, now has her own reality show on E! But wait, it gets better. The show is going to follow her as she tries to make it as a singer. But wait, as if the unintentional comedy scale were not already perilously close to being shattered, it gets even better. The show is going to be filmed at the Palms Casino in downtown Las Vegas. That's right, a girl with a proven family history of alcoholism, drug abuse, eating disorders, and outright insanity is going to be turned loose, presumably poorly supervised, in an environment with plentiful booze, copious amounts of drugs, and men who would not balk at sleeping with a dangerously underage girl. Whoever green-lighted this show should be the CEO for Bad IDEA Jeans. I can't believe that this is all going to be going on a few miles from my house. It's like Christmas has come early.

Mark my words, faithful Simsisms readers, I will get on this show. I don't know when, I don't know how, but this much, I do know, It is my destiny to be involved as an underage Lohan girl is shamelessly encouraged to pursue a dream despite an obvious lack of talent and begins the long and steady downhill slide into addiction and debauchery. I will find a way onto this show. As we speak, I'm already putting in applications at high end rehab centers. I'll keep you posted.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Monday Link

Great article on cracked.com about the atrocities committed by some corporations responsible for products that are probably in your grocery cart. I know I'm rethinking my pre-run Banana for this week. Some swearing is present in the article.

http://www.cracked.com/article_15967_awful-truth-behind-5-items-probably-on-your-grocery-list.html