Open Letter

This is an open letter to the Cross Dresser at my gym:

Dear Dude(tte),

You and I are going to get into a fight.

Look, it's like this. I admit it, I'm a little creeped out by you. But that is not the problem. I get it. God made you a dude, you weren't happy with that, so you called an audible. But dude, you are the least convincing woman since Mrs. Doubtfire. You have male pattern baldness, a thicker five o'clock shadow than I do, you're built like Schwarzenegger, and even a woman couldn't pass those implants off as real. But none of this is the problem.

The problem is your basic lack of weight room etiquette. If my towel is still on the machine or bench, I'm still using it. Quit stealing my bench. You did it twice today. Either wait until I'm done or ask to work in. I only walked 10 feet away to work a different muscle group between sets. It doesn't mean I'm done with the bench, so stop stealing it. The only thing more frustrating than having someone snatch your weight bench when you have only one set left, is having it snatched away by a freakish creatine-addicted she-male who you don't really want to talk to. Why are you even lifting weights? You are already having enough trouble pulling off the woman thing, the 20 inch biceps? Not helping. You have enough people in the world who probably want to beat you up just in principle. You shouldn't go around pissing people off, and that's what you are doing, and it needs to stop. So quit stealing my weight bench, and wait your freaking turn.

Sincerely,

The dude who had one more set and whose towel was still on the bench, clearly indicating that it was still in use, and is going to beat you up if you steal his bench again.