Tuesday Twofer- Running Diary.

Here's today's class diary. Also, I posted a small link on why a popular Disney Ride is closing. That's the post directly below this one. Here's the diary:

1:29:32 PM- Class is starting early, that seems unfair.

1:30:02 PM- Today in political indoctrination 101, we will be studying free speech. It would be delicious irony if I were to get in trouble for saying something offensive during a lecture on free speech.

1:31:04 PM- We’ve just been told that there will be a “special treat” to help us understand the Brandenburg free speech test.

1:31:48 PM- Turns out “Special Treat” means “Extra Work.”

1:32:31 PM- Prof. mispronounces the word “particular.” I swear I’m not making this up.

1:32:57 PM The board has a note that there will be a make up class on the Friday of Veterans’ Day weekend. So basically, anyone who was planning on a four day weekend you are apparently SOL. Or you are going to do what I am planning to do, not show up. I realize that this might be considered heresy at this school, but I don’t think that students should have to pay for Professor screw ups.

1:37:07 PM- We are being assigned groups. Please don’t put me in a weird group.

1:38:24 PM- Dang. I got assigned to a weird group. Everyone else got put in a group with people who they sit next to. Mysteriously, I didn’t. But there is no agenda of trying to put students with one viewpoint with students with the opposing viewpoint. That simply would not happen.

1:41:41 PM- It turns out that speech that is a Clear and Present Danger can be regulated. Is it possible to sue to get out of this class on the grounds that it represents a Clear and Present danger to my sanity?

1:42:59 PM- Class got boring for a second so I decided to surf the internets. Turns out that one in ten U.S. Public Schools are “dropout factories,” i.e. schools where 40% or more of incoming freshmen will not graduate. Thank heaven we are leaving no child behind.

1:46:40 PM- For some reason, our discussion of free speech somehow includes a discussion of the Las Vegas law against giving homeless people food in public parks. On the surface it may appear that the two subjects aren’t related, but upon further reflection I’ve decided that the two are REALLY unrelated.

1:50:13 PM- We are now talking about the same cross burning case that we talked about last semester. Apparently we are determined to leave no law student behind.

1:51:11 PM- 21 minutes into class and we’ve had our first use of the word “Nigger” for shock value.

1:54:25 PM- Wow. We actually learned law. In the first half hour of class too. Who would have guessed? Maybe it was an oversight. I’m guessing there will be something weird or insulting in class later to make up for it.

1:56:06 PM- Trying to think of a Halloween costume that I could do that wouldn’t require me to shave my beard or cut my hair. Ideas so far include Dr. House, Brody from Point Break, a Pimp, and Hillary Clinton.

1:58:08 PM- Prof. introduces a hypothetical situation in which she hates George W. Bush. Hypothetical, sure…

1:59:46 PM- Threatening speech is not protected speech, but hyperbolic threatening speech is protected. So, if you are going to threaten someone’s life, make sure to threaten to do it in an outlandish fashion. Don’t say, “I’m going to kill you,” say, “I’m going to rip open your abdomen and strangle you with your own intestines.” Gotta love free speech.

2:03:48 PM- We’re now talking about the need to use the f-bomb to convey emotion in depth in public discourse. I’m paying tuition for this. On an unrelated note, I’m now going to go light myself on fire.

2:05:37 PM- Still talking about the f-bomb. Apparently it has something to do with emotion and speech being “one.”

2:07:55 PM- Much more of this and I might start dropping the f-bomb.

2:09:58 PM- Lots of people are asking questions to stall getting into groups, apparently, I’m not the only one not looking forward to this.

2:10:41 PM- Oh, f-bomb, someone asked a question and now she’s on her soap box. Apparently free speech is more important to us than air.

2:25:29 PM- Group turned out not to be weird at all but rather pleasant. Good people and we actually had a good discussion. We discussed our hypothetical problem for roughly 3 minutes and then spent the remainder of the time talking about how much we hate this class. Time well spent.

2:28:15 PM- Osama’s picture is on the board again. Our class in free speech is doubling as a lesson in shock value. Did I mention I'm paying tuition for this?

2:29:27 PM- A group came to the conclusion that Osama’s announcement of a fatwa is protected free speech. Ladies and Gentlemen, the I give you the future lawmakers of Nevada.

2:32:25 PM- We’re now talking about whether Michael Moore’s movie “Fahrenheit 9-11” is protected speech. This seems like a good time to mention that Michael Moore dropped out of college because when he showed up one morning he couldn’t find a parking space. He never went back. He is now the voice of the Radical Left in America. The same thing happened to me and I parked across the street. Life is unfair.

2:35:05 PM- Prof. accidentally called Michael Moore, “Roger Moore.” I swear I’m not making this up.

2:40:36 PM- We’re talking about a scenario where a torch mob is incited by free speech to burn the White House down. No mention how the Torch mob got passed the snipers, small army of secret service agents, and bullet proof windows to get torches into the White House. You can’t even bring toe-nail clippers into the White House. How did the mob get torches in? This hypo makes no sense.

2:43:33 PM- I feel myself getting dumber being in this class. If I lose any more IQ points I might not be able to understand the intricate and nuanced plotting of this week’s episode of Gossip Girl.

2:49:17 PM- Crap, we are talking about “feelings” again. After this class, I feel like I need to go to a monster truck rally to reclaim my manliness.

2:51:09 PM- Prof. says we are getting to the “exciting part” of free speech. Stop, please, I don’t think I can handle any more excitement. My doctor says if this class gets any more exciting he might have to upgrade my status from “Comatose” to “ Vegetative State.”

2:53:06 PM- Our current case involves a man who wrote an instruction manual on how to murder people. Does anyone need a manual for that? Aren’t CSI reruns on, like, 24 hours a day? Could there be a better instruction manual? If you can’t borrow an idea from CSI, then the murder you are planning is far too complicated. Also, if you need to ask how to kill someone, you probably don’t have the skill to do it, and you shouldn’t try.

2:55:21 PM- CLASS IS OVER!

It's a slightly less small world

Straight from the "I swear I'm not making this up" folder is this tidbit of information. Disneyland will be closing the "It's a small world" ride for the next year. The reason? The ride is very old, and it was built assuming that the average male on the ride would be 175 lbs, and that the average female would be 135 lbs. Simply put, too many people have gotten too fat to ride "It's a small world." The ride has been experiencing frequent problems of boats bottoming out because the passengers were too heavy, resulting in delays and angry customers. The ride is now going to be retooled so that even the morbidly obese can be driven crazy by that annoying song. While I continue to insist that Disney should ditch that stupid song and replace it with "Thriller", it doesn't seem like they will. You can read the whole story at the following link:

http://calorielab.com/news/2007/10/29/small-world-ride-revamped-for-bigger-passengers/

World Series

Congrats to the Red Sox for winning a world series in spite of having a roster that includes J.D. Drew. Take that Rockies! That's what you get for knocking my Padres out of the Playoffs. The negative Karma of that miscalled play at home plate finally came back to bite you at a crucial moment. Enjoy your off season.

P.S. Dear Red Sox, you aren't really planning on bidding for A-Rod are you? Really? How many series did the Yanks take with him? What's that you say? Zero? Exactly. Let the dude stay in New York and continue to kill the clubhouse chemistry there.

Today's blog

I thought about writing a blog today, but this video clip pretty much conveys my feelings on class today. It's Kiefer Sutherland, better known as Jack Bauer.

Ten thoughts that occured to me while watching Transformers

1) Why would anyone ever trust Michael Bay to direct a movie? Has he ever made a movie that could objectively be considered good? A quick imdb search reveals that his past directorial efforts include:

1. The Island (2005)
2. The Lionel Richie Collection (2003)
3. Bad Boys II (2003)
   
   
4. Pearl Harbor (2001)
   
   
5. Armageddon (1998/I)
6. The Rock (1996)
7. Bad Boys (1995)

Are any of those movies good? I rate Armegeddon as the worst movie I have ever seen. One of the great regrets of my life is that I didn't walk out of the movie. It was like a perfect storm of suck. An awful roll for Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck featured prominently, Liv Tyler trying to act, and a song that nearly killed Aerosmith's career a second time. Even Steve Buschemi couldn't save that turd. I've never seen Pearl Harbor but by all accounts, it's dreadful. Most of the other films on the list are notable only for the fact that their trailers are unwatchable. Only The Rock can be considered a decent film, and let's face it, it's hard to screw up a film where Sean Connery has to blow stuff up.

So why would anyone put the reins of a long anticipated franchise in Michael Bay's clearly demonstrably incapable hands? Why not just go to the home of every single person who grew up watching Transformers and take a dump on their front door step? It would have been less painful. You're telling me that there wasn't somebody in Hollywood who had made a decent film who could have done this?

2) Optimus Prime saying "my bad" was the cinematic equivalent of taking a beautiful girl to a Celine Dion concert that lasts three hours, then sitting through four encores, driving the girl home, going in for the good night kiss, having her stop you as she says, "By the way, I'm gay." Not only was it painful and a waste, but a little piece of you just dies. Cram all of that into two words. If you think I am taking this too seriously, then I question your childhood devotion to Optimus Prime. Optimus Prime is the greatest animated character of all time and millions of kids in the 80's would have gladly fought and died for him, not to mention buy whatever carbohydrate packed cereal he happened to recommend that week. The animated movie where they killed Prime off to introduce new toys was less traumatic than having him say "my bad." Michael Bay should be tried for crimes against humanity.

3) Crime against humanity #2. They (MASSIVE SPOILER ALERT) freaking killed Jazz. You don't kill Jazz. You just don't do that. You kill off that Timmy Olyphant look-alike from Las Vegas who added nothing to the movie, you kill off Sam's annoying parents, Heck, you kill off Sam's annoying dog BUT YOU DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES KILL OFF JAZZ. Michael Bay, nerds everywhere are plotting your death.

4) Who on earth makes a movie that should clearly be marketed to a family audience, a movie that kids are clearly going to want to see, and then put all kinds of inappropriate subject matter for little kids? A masturbation discussion, in the middle of a kids movie? Nothing brings families together like a talk in the SUV on the way home in which parents answer awkward questions from children who are far too young to understand the answers.

5) John Turturro wins the prize for "Appearance in a movie most clearly motivated by a need to pay a gambling debt. Is this really the same guy who played "The Schmada" in Miller's Crossing? This performance is downright embarrassing. John, get help for your gambling problem. You're lucky you appeared in one of the greatest films of all time otherwise you'd be lucky to walk away with a career.

6) I actually rented this movie. A dollar from redbox. I feel like I paid too much. Hollywood, this is why people download. Because you don't kick yourself later for spending money on a turd of a movie.

7) Apparently there is a screenwriter strike in Hollywood. If "talented" people wrote this movie, then boy oh boy, this next year of movies written by less talented people would be real fun.

8) In a movie about giant robots, with a built in fanbase who want to see giant robots beat up on each other on screen, with a director who has zero concept of how human beings interact with and relate to each other, maybe it would be a good idea to, I don't know, focus on the giant robots. Instead, this movie opted to insert roughly 645 human characters that no one cared about and in no way related to the story. Was there any need for the army characters? The sector 7 characters? The hackers? Was the australian chick even necessary?

9) Re: The Hackers. You know that a movie is going to go off the rails in the next five minutes whenever a character utters the line, "There's only one hacker in the world who could possibly handle this!" Almost invariably, that line serves to introduce an unbelievable character generally played by a throwaway celebrity that serves no purpose other than to wedge that celebrity into the movie (See also: Kevin Smith in Die Hard 4). Did Anthony Anderson's character even do anything? He didn't "hack" anything and didn't really contribute to the movie at all. He just ate some donuts. Also, no offense, but if there is only one hacker in the world who can handle a problem, I'm guessing it's not some dude who lives three blocks away and plays Dance Dance Revolution. Face it, if there's only one hacker in the world who can handle an earth-shattering problem, it's probably some Asian kid who has Lord of the Rings posters on his wall and spends his nights either playing Dungeons and Dragons or debating the philosophical shortcomings of the Matrix sequels. Also, not to stereotype, but Hackers do not look like hot Aussie Chicks with nose rings. Aussie chick with nose ring looks like she spends an abnormal amount of time doing pilates and being bulimic. She does not look like she spends time programming and defragmenting hard drives.

10) Shia LeBeouf is actually not half bad. In fact, he did a surprisingly good job of carrying an otherwise mediocre movie. Coupled with his turn in the surprisingly watchable "Disturbia" and I'm starting to feel okay about "Indiana Jones IV, the Search for Metamucil." I still can't believe the kid from Even Stevens has turned into a decent actor. Add this to the latest list of people who turned out to be surprisingly credible actors along with the guy from Newsies who turned into the next DeNiro, and guy from Remember the Titans who is rapidly becoming the next Brando.

Sexual Orientation, Sodomy, and a running diary.

1:30:08 PM- We’ve just been informed that there will be a group of parents observing our class today. This is in no way suspicious.

1:31:28 PM- Today’s class is on sexual orientation. Prof. is very much out of the closet with another professor on campus. She’s basically called anyone who opposes gay rights a mindless bigot. But, no worries because she’s “just going to try to get you to see both sides of the issues.”

1:34:14 PM- We’re talking about the amendment to the Nevada State Constitution that forbids gay marriage. Even the state that allows you do to pretty much anything you want isn't down with gay marriage. Go Nevada!

1:35:55 PM- Prof. is comparing gays to racial minorities. How is that an apt comparison? Are there closet African Americans? Do they have an awkward conversation with their parents where they inform them, “Mom, Dad, I’m Black.”

1:40:48 PM- The mysterious parents who are supposed to visit the class have not shown up yet. All of the people who were forced out of the back row are starting to get pissed about having to move.

1:42:25 PM- The parents have just shown up.

1:45:54 PM- Heated discussion over weather homosexuality is a choice or not. I’m going to say that it’s not. Just like being a child molester. They can’t control it either and we shouldn’t punish them. In fact, I think the state should start subsidizing NAMBLA. Also, I’ve decided to sue for the right to marry my dog. I’m not ashamed of our love.

1:48:40 PM- Someone just called homosexuality a belief system. I’m not going to make any catholic priests jokes here. That would be inappropriate.

1:51:14 PM- Should we force homosexuals to be closeted? No. We should force them to be as flaming and obviously gay as possible so they can be readily identified. Every gay man and woman should look like an extra from Viva Laughlin.

1:57:47 PM- The parents have left. Apparently 15 minutes of this class was enough for them.

1:58:49 PM- Apparently most Americans oppose gay marriage. Thank heaven. Now if we could just get them to quit watching Michael Bay movies and there might be hope for society.

2:02:39 PM- Someone just called homosexuality a lifetime commitment. Uhm...no. Am I the only one who saw those episodes of Marissa when she considered the alternative lifestyle and then went back to Ryan? I can’t emphasize this enough people. Before you make a broad political statement, check to make sure the O.C. agrees with you. I don’t care if a hundred people with PhD’s agree with you. If the O.C. ain’t down with it, I’m not convinced.

2:06:40 PM- We’ve now moved onto Sodomy. Every man in the class has that same awkward look 50 Cent had when they cut to him during Britney Spears VMA performance. That “please just let it be over” look.

2:12:56 PM- Our first anti-Scalia comment of the day. That guy must have the same PR agent that Osama Bin Ladin uses.

2:22:07 PM- And we’re back to comparing polygamy to homosexuality. Why do people try and tie the two together. Could there be anything less gay than polygamy? By definition it means a man would be sleeping with SEVERAL WOMEN. That’s about as ungay as it comes. Brigham Young was called many things in his life, but one thing he most certainly not was gay, and you better believe he would not have looked favorably on gays.

2:25:32 PM- Almost got called on. New rule, no stretching in class.

2:27:55 PM- Class has gotten way boring, so I feel the need to mention that Heroes has apparently decided to emulate LOST’s model and have nothing happen in the first several episodes and piddle around until sweeps. When was the last time a popular show introduced a pair of characters as annoying and unpopular as the Guatemalan Twins who cry poison gas or something? You might as well call them Nikki and Paulo.

2:30:06 PM- Crap, I’m called on.

2:30:54 PM- Just made a bunch of stuff up, no one seemed to notice. Maybe it was enough that she will go to the next student.

2:32:21 PM- She's still grilling me.

2:34:28 PM- She’s still on me. DAMMIT, MOVE ON WOMAN!!!

2:35:26 PM- Someone has stepped in with a really out there opinion. Maybe I’m off the hook.

2:36:35 PM- Bob, the smartest (and highest ranked) guy in the class just made his first comment of the year. How does he stay off the radar?

2:38:14 PM- She tries to go after me again, I plead ignorance. For some reason whenever I claim to be ignorant it comes across as very believable. If I were a deep thinker I might be insulted by this…

2:40:13 PM- Someone mentioned that we shouldn’t honor Marriage as a time honored tradition because it was also a time honored tradition to not let women vote. On an unrelated note, A lot of people with PhD’s agree that ever since women go the vote the country has gone right to hell. Exhibit A, your next president: Hillary Clinton.

2:43:49 PM- Does banning gay marriage protect society? I think gay marriage would turn society into a larger version of an Episode of Oz.

2:48:09 PM- We’re holding up Britney as the standard example of a heterosexual marriage. This is like judging all republicans by Larry Craig.

2:49:41 PM- Apparently gays make excellent parents. This is going to be treated as fact now in our class with no opportunity for rebuttal. Great moments in open mindedness.

2:50:49 PM- We’re off gay marriage and onto something less controversial: gays in the military.

2:51:36 PM- Holly just walked in late. Normally I don’t mention names here, but I’m going to say it. Holly, I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. I am so insanely jealous of you right now, you have no idea. You got to miss this fiasco of a class you lucky dog.

2:53:23 PM- This just in, Joe Torre has rejected the Yankees offer. I can’t imagine why someone who was already rich wouldn’t accept a relatively pithy amount of money to put up with mountains of abuse and criticism and have his every move second guessed. In other news, Darryl Strawberry desperately needs money…

2:55:55 PM- And we finish up by talking about polygamy. I will now light myself on fire.

2:56:13 PM- Class is over.

Today's Class Time chat with Matt.

Matthew: Gird your loins boys, its about to begin.

Matthew Spring is online.

Brad: Shall we do our running chat?

Matthew: lets do it

Brad: Ground rules, don't mention anyone by name, enough people in this class already hate me.

Matthew: all good -fair enough

Brad: So, today's class is about sexual orientation. This should be pleasantly awkward

How many people are going to come out of the closet in today's class?

Matthew: as you can see from the attendance today, anyone who might have decided to come out today decided not to show up

they didn't want their smirks to out them

Brad: Ouch! That means she may try and convert some of us. Try to be strong.

Sent at 1:32 PM on Tuesday

Matthew: Isn't 100 lbs equal to 100 lbs.? That doesn't make any sense

Brad: Who can't lift 100 lbs?

So, when do you think a certain individual in the back row will share a personal experience about a friend she had who was gay who was discriminated against?

Matthew: "And somebody gay bashed me . . .eee. . . iii . . . my friend"

Sent at 1:37 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Here's my feeling on homosexuality. Elton John's music was much better before he was gay.

Matthew: Although David Bowie's was better when he was "experimenting"

Brad: I think David Bowie was the first closet heterosexual.

Once everyone thought he was gay he was like "Surprise, I'm straight, and marrying a supermodel."

Matthew: amen

Brad: What are the odds that we learn some law today?

Matthew: this is a law class?

Brad: I know, I was shocked to hear it too.

Wait, there was a guy who tried to get into an all women's nursing school? Stallion.

She's not gonna show film clips from "Cruisin'" is she? Cause I'm totally not cool with that.

Matthew: GI Jane, here we come!

Brad: Why is Nate raising his hand?

Make him stop

Matthew: He hates himself - he's a masochist.

Brad: Is he comparing football to the "Full Metal Jacket" treatment?

Dude, I think I just lost interest in the JAG.

Matthew: you had interest?

Brad: Oh.

My.

Gosh.

Matthew: Hmmm, we'll pay for college and you get to die for us - sound like a deal?

Brad: [Name Withheld] says she went to Annapolis?

Matthew: Apparently she also cured cancer and went to the moon.

Brad: 20 minutes in, no law.

You know, everyone is describing these brutal hazing rituals, they remind me a lot of Contracts last year.

Matthew: I called it!

Brad: Is it necessary to exclude women from the adversive methods to train soldiers?

Sent at 1:54 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Dude, 50 points to the first person who grows a pair and disagrees with Prof.

Matthew: Oh yeah - I forgot, I can't concentrate when women are around

Brad: Oh snap, someone disagreed with the Prof. and she can't take it. Who could have predicted it?

Matthew: But she's so liberal and open minded, that is unless numerous people with Ph.d's disagree also.

Brad: Okay, are we really talking about "should female soldiers take off their shirts when its hot?"

Oh.

my.

gosh.

She did not just go to the "Soldiers will turn gay without women," did she?

Matthew: Coupled with prison sodomy - I guess humans are so horny, they must do it with anything around.

Brad: Heaven help our army if they are trapped in the jungle and there's nothing around but Pandas.

Sent at 2:02 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Wait, did I hear her right, did she just say, "Justice Scalia was right"

Matthew: get your coats, hell is experiencing a cold front!

Sent at 2:05 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Wait, did she just disagree with the supreme court?

Matthew: weirder still, I think she just agreed with Rehnquist

Brad: I'm just waiting for her to announce, "By the y'all, I'm a dude."

She's going to rip off a mask, Mission impossible style and surprise, it really is George Lopez.

Sent at 2:10 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Is it me, or when she imitates a military voice, does it sound like Gollum?

Matthew: Dude - she said law - I think thats the first time this class

Brad: No, I think she did it once before, I was so surprised I accidentally closed my freecell game.

Sent at 2:14 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Oh, look who has an idea, SURPRISE SURPRISE

On the bright side, it's 50 minutes into class and we still haven't gone gay.

er...

started talking about gender orientation cases.

Matthew: when the teacher repeats your question - then you know you just said something SUPER stupid.

Wow - she really really hates men

Brad: Why aren't there any good all female schools in Las Vegas? Cause it'd be way too hot.

Sent at 2:18 PM on Tuesday

Matthew: If she can't cite to a case, if the doctrine hasn't been developed, it probably won't be on the bar and therefore it definitely belongs in this class.

Brad: I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention, have we gotten to statutory rape yet?

Okay, student in the back row is violating the 3 comments per class rule.

Sent at 2:23 PM on Tuesday

Brad: So, now we're talking about how there are more girls than boys in college. Why is that a problem?

Matthew: Refer to previous "males cannot function with females present" comment

Brad: I say the more chicks the better. Wider dating pool.

Sent at 2:26 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Wait, who just said there are no sports for women?

What about foxy boxing?

How is that not a sport?

Matthew: I do believe that money is thrown about in jello wrestling.

Brad: Pole dancing is not exactly the chess club my friend.

Matthew: If girls are smarter than boys, she is not living proof.

Because why wouldn't we talk about biology in a Constitutional law class?

Brad: At last, statutory rape.

Wait, they prosecute teens for fornication? What state is this case from.

This happened in California? Crap, the whole cast of the O.C. is going to jail.

Matthew: Sex for a boy under 18 is not rape, its called a fantasy.

Brad: Apparently the purpose of this law was to prevent teen pregnancy. This probably explains why there are hardly any teen pregnancies in California.

Matthew: Yea! The law works!

Brad: Is that her phone that just rang?

Matthew: It sounded like a soundtrack to emphasize her point.

well played Lazos, great showmanship.

Sent at 2:42 PM on Tuesday

Brad: This is the most boring conversation of rape ever.

Matthew: Who knew rape could be so boring. Man, TV lied to me again.

Brad: Please someone drag this discussion out further,

Anything is better than getting the Gay lecture.

Oh snap, she's going to once again, "Get you to see the other side"

That means, "Insult your beliefs and call you a bigot."

Matthew: Is that like organizing a trade to the other team?

Brad: yikes, is there a gay draft?

Matthew: If you get picked, do you have to sign?

Brad: Can we trade Britney Spears and get Kevin Spacey back?

Kaiser Sose should be all man.

Wait, we will give them Kevin Federline and Pete Wentz, and a future first round pick, if they will give us back Ian McCellan. Gandalf should not be gay.

End of Class

Running Diary- 10.11.07

1:33:30 PM- Today’s topic, gender equality.

1:33:46 PM- Our lunch time speaker begged us all not to go into criminal law. It’s always a good day when you can disappoint someone before you’ve finished lunch.

1:35:14 PM- Today’s class will focus a lot on Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Always a bad sign. Ruthie, like many a Clinton appointee, has never actually read the constitution.

1:41:43 PM- We’ve spent the past several minutes talking about Justice O’Connor. I feel it worth mentioning that Dallin Oaks was passed over for nomination to the Supreme Court in favor of O’Connor. Great moments in legal histroy

1:43:43 PM- Prof. has posed the question “Are men and women equal? How are they different?”

1:45:11 PM- Caleb is getting picked on. Tough nuts Caleb.

1:45:22 PM- Caleb responds, “Boys have a Penis, Girls have a vagina.”

1:46:00 PM- Another student says “Emotionally.” Oh boy. This should be fun.

1:47:37 PM- Apparently, women are better at teamwork. I guess no one in class have ever heard of the A-team. No women on that team, and they were the best team ever.

1:50:40 PM- This seems like an ideal time to point out that the A-team needs to be made into a Movie, starring George Clooney, Ving Rhames, Matt Damon as Face, and Owen Wilson as Murdock. How has this not happened?

1:52:37 PM- We’re now talking about how women express themselves differently than men. So far no one has mentioned that they cry more.

1:53:37 PM- Still no mention of the crying.

1:54:50 PM- Apparently women will have a lower salary than men. My bank account is very grateful for my Y chromosome right now.

1:55:46 PM- Still nothing about the crying.

1:57:59 PM- Prof. asks, "Why are there less women as physicists at top universities?"

1:58:26 PM- We are told there are no wrong answers here. However, there are answers that will earn you public scorn in the class.

2:00:13 PM- Half hour into class and the estrogen is flowing.

2:01:12 PM- A student commits blasphemy and invokes Richard Feynman in a genderist argument. Worse still, she mispronounced his name.

2:04:59 PM- Double Blasphemy, Someone invoked Malcolm Gladwell. Two of my heroes have been mocked in under 5 minutes.

2:05:45 PM- Someone in the class has the balls to say that this is bull. The person with the biggest balls in the class is a girl in the back row. Way to go unknown girl.

2:06:37 PM- Prof. responds “A lot of people with PhD’s disagree with you.” Wow, way to be open minded, Prof. Way to encourage students to form opinions and share them. Truly a great moment in higher education.

2:13:44 PM- We’ve moved on to original intent and the constitution. Does the 14^th amendment apply to women? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the founding fathers were all feminists.

2:15:04 PM- Wikipedia reveals that Patrick Henry kept his wife chained up in the basement. So much for the feminist theory.

2:16:27 PM- Prof. is hammering home the “Founders didn’t care about women” thing. Hello, I so already knew that, I read wikipedia.

2:20:34 PM- We’re now conceptualizing Gender Equality. Apparently that means we talk about how men are bastards.

2:21:53 PM- We’re talking about a case where women were not allowed to become lawyers, this should be fun.

2:24:32 PM- 55 mintues into class and every man in the room feels uncomfortable. Great moments in higher education.

2:26:01 PM- Prof. opines that women want to be treated the same as men. I agree, and that is why I’m going to start slapping women on the butt after soccer games. It’s my duty as an advocate of equal rights.

2:40:01 PM- We still haven’t discussed the facts of any cases. We’ve talked about some holdings and why they were sexist.

2:41:25 PM- Prof. asks “How many women have been President?” Apparently Jimmy Carter doesn’t count.

2:42:23 PM- Prof points out that no women have served as governor or senator from Nevada. There’s nothing I can write here that won’t get me in trouble.

2:44:33 PM- The estrogen in this room is so thick you could cut it with a knife. After class I may have to go kill something and eat it, just to restore my sense of manliness.

2:47:30 PM- Prof. promises to end in seven minutes. Thank heaven for minor miracles.

2:48:15 PM- Apparently the court does not consider discrimination against pregnant women to be a gender issue. Great moments in Legal History.

2:49:51 PM- Now talking about a case where a man wanted to go to a women’s only nursing school. Dude, wherever you are, surrender your man card.

2:51:42 PM- Apparently University of Nevada Reno started as an all male school. Judging by its football team it has gone all the way in the other direction.

2:54:22 PM- Class is over before we could talk about the important case Prof. wanted to talk about. Great moments in time management.

A few things

1) So long Joe Torre. You will soon be working your pitchers too hard in another ball club. I can't even begin to imagine who they would get to replace you. No amount of money can make up for having to put up with Steinbrenner's crap, which means whoever takes the job will be someone desperate for money. This pretty much narrows the field to crack addicts and gambling degenerates.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the manager of your 2008 Yankees-Darryl Strawberry.

2) There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who hate Dane Cook and those who smoke lots of weed. Dane Cook is not funny. I feel like I am taking crazy pills here. He steals jokes, his movies are dreadful, and watching his stand-up is more painful than passing a kidney stone. Who picked this idiot to be in the major league baseball ads? Rivalfish has generously put together a list of people who could have been a worse spokesman for MLB.

http://www.rivalfish.com/rivalroom/2007/10/theres-only-one-october-and-theres-only.html

If you want proof of the joke stealing, just go to youtube where this phenomenon is well documented. I'm too lazy to post the link, but it's not hard to find.

P.S. The last time he appeared on Saturday night live he appeared in a sketch that was a blatant rip off of a sketch that appeared years earlier on "The State." Also documented on youtube.

3) American Gladiators is coming back to TV with Hulk Hogan as its host. How can this not be good? The only thing that could possibly be better would be a LOST episode that explained everything (good luck ever getting that). Sports Guy was generous enough to put the application to be on American Gladiators up on his website. Here's the file in PDF in case you wish to apply.

http://www.nbc.com/Casting/Applications/gladiators_application_2007.pdf

Marriage and age

Surprisingly, A number of prominent member of the church were not married by the age of twenty-five. This stands in conflict with the view many people have expressed to me that those who aren't married by the age of 25 are abject failures in life and are little better than rejects from the war in heaven. Here's a few well known "menaces to society"

President Gordon B. Hinckley- Married two months before his 27th birthday

Ezra Taft Benson- Age 27

Hugh B. Brown- 25

David O. McKay- 27

L. Tom Perry- Married one month before he turned 25.

Henry B. Eyring- Married at the ripe old age of 29!


Hmmmm...Maybe we should stop treating YSA's over the age of 25 like pariahs and breathing down their necks to get married. What do you think?

Open Letter

This is an open letter to the Cross Dresser at my gym:

Dear Dude(tte),

You and I are going to get into a fight.

Look, it's like this. I admit it, I'm a little creeped out by you. But that is not the problem. I get it. God made you a dude, you weren't happy with that, so you called an audible. But dude, you are the least convincing woman since Mrs. Doubtfire. You have male pattern baldness, a thicker five o'clock shadow than I do, you're built like Schwarzenegger, and even a woman couldn't pass those implants off as real. But none of this is the problem.

The problem is your basic lack of weight room etiquette. If my towel is still on the machine or bench, I'm still using it. Quit stealing my bench. You did it twice today. Either wait until I'm done or ask to work in. I only walked 10 feet away to work a different muscle group between sets. It doesn't mean I'm done with the bench, so stop stealing it. The only thing more frustrating than having someone snatch your weight bench when you have only one set left, is having it snatched away by a freakish creatine-addicted she-male who you don't really want to talk to. Why are you even lifting weights? You are already having enough trouble pulling off the woman thing, the 20 inch biceps? Not helping. You have enough people in the world who probably want to beat you up just in principle. You shouldn't go around pissing people off, and that's what you are doing, and it needs to stop. So quit stealing my weight bench, and wait your freaking turn.

Sincerely,

The dude who had one more set and whose towel was still on the bench, clearly indicating that it was still in use, and is going to beat you up if you steal his bench again.

Surveys

If you know me, you know I love obscure British political comedies from the eighties. This is a clip from Yes Minister. In this clip the two characters are talking about a survey that shows that the people favor reinstating the draft (they refer to it as "National Service"). It's hilarious and politically poignant. I swear.

Kanye on SNL

Today's Con Law Class

Okay boys and girls,

No running diary today. There's not going to be anything to chronicle as there is going to be an in class activity that is going to take up most of the period. As a public service, here are my notes on the class readings. They're not great, but they'll get you through in a pinch. I realize this doesn't have the humor value that everyone wants, but I promise I will come up with something peppered with cynicism, dry wit, and tons of irony later in the week to make up for it.

Amicus Brief

Fortune 500 Brief-

The fortune 500 company files an amicus brief as one affected by the decision. It recruits from Michigan and does substantial business there. The brief supports diversity because diversity in higher education helps the company to hire a diverse workforce and maintain its own commitment to diversity.

Amici believes that all of a students attributes should be considered for admission to university. In order to succeed in a diverse workplace it is important for students to be exposed to diversity in an educational setting. It helps them to become better workers and therefore helps the company.

The pursuit of diversity in higher education is a compelling state interest because it prepares students to succeed in a global community.

The Frontline website

There is a Gap between white students and Minority students on the SAT. The Gap is hard to explain. There is no real correlation between the Gap in the income of students’ parents and the students performance on the SAT. It is possible that part of the Gap comes from the fact that Students’ parents faced discrimination and as such, were not able to have the resources that their white counterparts had. These disadvantages are reflected in the education of their children.

It’s also possible that the scores are explained by a “stereotype threat.” Minority students who feel that they are part of a negatively stereotyped group tend to perform worse on academic tests.

There was a brief narrowing of the Gap in the late 70’s but then it widened again. Some feel that school desegregation, reduced class size, and more rigorous coursework contributed to the decline in the Gap, but they are at a loss to explain why it began to widen again.

Article ends by saying if we could close the Gap and have comparable test scores, we wouldn’t need affirmative action.

Did they get in?

You were supposed to do the "did they get in" activity. It’s basically worthless and you should skip it. It has literally, nothing to do with anything you will ever use in life or the bar. Just know that colleges look for well rounded people.

If she wanted us to do any of the other stuff on the website, well then, she can go to hell. It’s not worth your time and you are far better off faking your way through it.

My journal entry for this activity.

Prof. Lazos- I’ve come into contact with the issue of college admission before. It’s my belief that the notion of a “well rounded student” is mostly nonsense. If I were on an admissions committee, I would look at the classes a person took and the grades they got in them. I don’t care about anyone’s extra curricular activities, I believe the SAT’s are a crock, and I personally believe that most student essay’s are a pack of lies that tell you nothing you would ever really want to know. Your question asks me to pick who I’d recommend for admission, so I’m going to recommend based on grades and classes.

Candidate 1:

This person had some advanced classes and did well overall. I’d recommend.

Candidate 2:

This person also had advanced classes, but can’t do math to save their life. Still, the bad grades in math do come in some pretty advanced courses, so that is commendable. I’d put the person on the waiting list.

Candidate 3:

This person did well, but their sophomore schedule was a joke. They did well in some AP classes later, but I think we can do better. Wait list, towards the bottom.

Candidate 4:

This student has more B’s than a hive. He should enjoy community college.

Candidate 5:

Average student at best. Go to community college, improve your grades, transfer.

Manly man

So, Saturday morning I broke the little toe on my left foot. I was faced with a tough choice. Should I forget about running for the day, or should I do my standard Saturday run. I think we all know what I chose.



15 Miles of pain, but it was totally worth it. I love running.