Oscars

Sorry about the delay between posts. Appellate brief took most of my time this week, that and a crippling addiction to Batman. What can I say, I find the anti-communist subtext enthralling.
Here are my thoughts on last night's Oscars.

1) Confession: like most sensible people, I didn't watch. I didn't watch any of the nominated movies. That might be socially irresponsible of me, but I just couldn't bring myself to watch any of them. Call me crazy, but I insist that the movies I watch be, you know, interesting. Also, the Oscar broadcast is way too long. If I wanted to watch four hours of Hollywood being self-indulgent, I would rent a Kevin Costner Movie.

2) Congratulations to Al Gore for winning an Oscar for "A Convenient Fiction" ...er..."An Inconvenient Truth." Most people didn't see this, but apparently later on it was revealed that even though Al Gore got more votes, "Jesus Camp" was declared the actual winner and Gore's Oscar was taken away by the supreme court...

3) Also, Congrats to Al Gore on his new diet. Apparently, living in a large house with gigantic air conditioners between flying around on an expensive, private, carbon dioxide emitting jet and telling everyone else to not pollute so much does not leave time for pilates and spin classes. He is well on his way to becoming the world's largest hypocrite in more ways than one.

4) Congrats to Martin Scorsese for finally winning an Oscar for Taxi Driver. He truly deserved it..... 31, 27, and 17 years ago.

5) Jack Nicholson would have been much cooler if he had shown up with a Mohawk and insisted on being referred to as Travis Bickle.

6) Alternatively, he could have introduced himself as Britney Spears.

7) Congrats to Ellen Degeneres. By all accounts you were awful, but inoffensive. How is it hard to find a good Oscar host? Shouldn't we just pay Billy Crystal a billion dollars to do it every year. His other films aren't good, no one else seems to be any good at hosting. Note to academy, next year try and get Jerry Seinfeld. He's actually funny, and he is well liked enough to probably pull it off. Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson might be able to do it. Stay away from Eddie Murphy who hasn't been funny since 1987, Jay Leno is not funny, this is not up for discussion. Neither is Rosie O'Donnell. In fact, she is painful to watch. She hurts my chakra, and makes my inner child feel like he was inappropriately touched in naughty places. I think that woman has had an enema of pure, liquid evil. I digress.

8) By the way, why are the Oscars prestigious? Isn't this the same organization that gave an award to Dances With Wolves over Goodfellas? On what planet is Dances with Wolves even a good movie? Didn't they also screw over Citizen Kane? Also, didn't they give an award to Shakespeare in Love? Has anyone watched that movie since it won? These things make me die inside.