Running Diary

Here is the running diary from one of my classes today.

1:40:21- Prof. confesses never having eaten twinkies as a child. Apparently twinkie deprivation can cause lesbianism and bitchiness later in life.

1:42:07 PM- Matt texts me and tells me we may have a make up class for this section tonight at five. I start to die a little inside.

1:50:37 PM- Conversation turns to children in casinos. The class doesn’t seem to have any problem with the kids being in bars or casinos.

1:58:03 PM- Class has now been going on for almost a half hour and we haven’t actually learned anything.

2:05:07 PM- Prof. uses the phrase “The other critique” 5 times in quick succession. I smell a drinking game.

2:08:45 PM- Prof. confesses that she wants us to regurgitate on the exam what she tells us in class. Thank heaven she told us now before I started trying to think for myself.

2:12:19 PM- It is confirmed, there is a makeup lecture today at five. Sadly, I forgot my cyanide pills at home today.

2:15:24 PM- One of the five people who insist on talking every class in spite of having nothing to say makes her first comment. Normally this happens in the first five minutes of class. She must be feeling ill today.

2:17:32 PM- We start to talk about a case arising out of an Anti-Hippie statute. Comments are made by people who have been observed eating special brownies.

2:21:41- We’re talking about a law that discriminates against retarded people. The more I sit in this class the more I think there are not enough laws discriminating against retarded people.

2:25:12 PM- Our serial hand raiser makes another comment. I can’t for the life of me figure out why she doesn’t just jump up and down and scream “LOOK AT ME!!!! I AM SO SMART!!! I KNOW THINGS!!!” No one cares girl. I’m reading spoilers for tonight’s episode of Gossip Girl and you are distracting me.

2:27:07 PM- Prof. says “I can’t see what hippies and retarded people have in common.” Several people in class bite their lips to keep from laughing.

2:29:54 PM- Class begins to discuss an Amendment in Colorado that discriminates against gays. Professor is a very out of the closet Lesbian. This should be fun. I’m guessing that the word bigot or homophobe come out in the next five minutes.

2:31:14 PM Professor totally misstates the law in question. She’s not letting her personal feelings on the issue cloud her judgment at all.
2:33:13 PM- Student tries to point out Professor’s error. Prof.’s not budging.

2:35:27 PM – It just hit me that the power point slides have more colors than usual. A veritable “rainbow” if you will…

2:38:41 PM- We are ten minutes into the “professor stands on a soapbox and defends gays.” Portion of class.

2:40:06PM- We’ve now shifted into the “Scalia is a wrongheaded bigot” portion of class.

2:42:21 PM- The other girl who feels the need to comment several times in class now objects to legislating morality. It seems like time stops in this class to allow people extra time to say idiotic things.

2:45:48 PM- Prof. makes the startling pronouncement that “Pedophiles aren’t popular.”

2:48:20 PM- Class embarks on a discussion on polygamy. Lots of the class is Mormon. This should be fun.

2:53:14 PM- One class member says that polygamists were never persecuted. Tune in for tomorrow’s class where we talk about how the Holocaust never happened.

2:54:34 PM- Another class member says "Maybe polygamists were put in jail, but they weren't subjected to violence that gays were." The twelve Mormon students in the class all cough loudly and Brad wonders aloud if the bullets in Parley Pratt's back had been inserted there for medicinal purposes.

2:55:34 PM- Class mercifully ends.

That's all for class today. Tune in Thursday for more.