The Phone Dilemma

So, as many of you know, in between cramming for the bar and raising awareness of the fight for democracy in Iran, I've been shopping around for a cell phone. I love beat up old samsung, and it has served well, but it's a little bulky, dated, and I'm getting the itch for something a little more lawyerish. I'm interested in getting a smartphone but nothing really seems right. Phones that I might be interested in all seem tied to terrible networks, or the good networks seem to offer dismal phones. Here's where I pretty much stand:

AT&T: AT&T has the two greatest phones in creation. The iPhone and the Blackberry Bold. However, AT&T is also possibly the worst network in creation. How they can make the "more bars in more places" claim is beyond me as everyone I know with AT&T service complains nonstop about what a horrible network it is. In fact, the only people I know with AT&T are on it because they are on a family plan which they don't pay for, or because they own an iPhone. As cool as the iPhone is, there's simply no justification to have to pay an extra 30 bucks for a data plan, and additional fees for text messaging plans. Seriously AT&T, is there a limit to your greed? Bernie Madoff thinks your plans are a scam.

Artist Rendition of AT&T's President

T-Mobile: T-Mobile has a reputation for good customer service, but the only phones they have that interest me are their blackberrys. Sorry Google Phones, Android looks cool, but try coming out with a phone that isn't butt ugly and can actually be used for something. The G1 was the cell phone equivalent of the L.A. Clippers (once again, condolences to Blake Griffin). Honestly though, the only decent looking BB they're running right now is the 8900, which I'm on the fence about. T-Mobile charges $40 for their standard 600 minute plan, and 35 bucks on top of that for the data. however, unlike the Ferengi's over at AT&T that figure includes unlimited text messaging (as well as picture messaging and IM). However, it does not include free mobile to mobile, which will run you another 8 bucks. Seriously, T-mobile? You couldn't throw that in for free? Anyway, the drawbacks to the greedy germans are that it has the smallest network, has a rep for dropping calls, and again, has yet to come out with a phone that not only works well, but also makes all your friends jealous (although if your friends have AT&T, then any phone that works well would probably make them jealous). Mostly, I can't get past the whole extra fees for mobile-to-mobile thing. That is just patently evil.

T-Mobile Founder. Press Photo.

Verizon: My current provider and the most frustrating company in existence. Verizon is reputed to have the most reliable network, however, it also has a lot of very crappy phones. When it comes to smartphone/pda's, Verizon just sucks. It is so bad, you can only explain it through a perfect storm of arrogance and incompetence. You could not intentionally offer a lineup of smartphones this bad intentionally. The human soul would not allow it. It's like holding your breath until you pass out. Eventually, your reflexes will take over and you'll start breathing again. Likewise, eventually, your reflexes would take over and you would offer at least one phone a person might at least consider buying. Instead, Verizon offers a host of underpowered phones which run on Windows Mobile. I already have to deal with windows freezing and glitching on my laptop, I'm not going to put up with it on my phone. Thanks, but no thanks.

Verizon does have blackberrys, but they are a little out of date, and you have to pay 30 bucks for a data plan that once again, DOES NOT INCLUDE TEXT MESSAGING!!! Even worse, Verizon seems to be oblivious to the whole idea that phones can now handle WiFi. Only four Verizon phones come with that option. FOUR! An option that is pretty much standard on every smartphone offered by every other carrier in the world is somehow a novelty in Verizon Land. Verizon's premium phone was supposed to be the BlackBerry Storm; a phone so famously bad that the New York Times wondered if they actually tested the thing to see if it worked before they released it for sale. I might even consider the abomination of cellular nation that is the Black Berry storm if only it had WiFi. I might consider the upcoming Blackberry Tour, but oh wait, once again, it DOESN'T HAVE WIFI!!! It turns out that it was actually capable of WiFi but the powers that be made RIM disable it because they didn't want their customers going outside of the verizon network for data downloands.

You know what I say to that decision? EPIC FAIL! Who is calling the shots at Verizon? A chimp? Because I can't see a chimp screwing up this badly. Chimps have pride. I know many people what would willingly switch to Verizon if they could come up with at least ONE phone worth buying. As it stands, the only way I'm staying with Verizon when I upgrade is if the Storm 2 comes out and emits waves of pure awesomeness. And even then, it had better come out before August.

Sprint: Sprint has a rep for a small network and terrible customer service. In fact, Sprint actually went so far as to cancel the contracts of 1000 of its customers last year who complained too much. (In Sprints defense, some of the customers reportedly contacted them over 100 times during the month with complaints about things that were in fact, the customers' own fault). Some people might find that shocking, but having worked in customer service and having learned from sad experience that 90% of people are functionally retarded with the approximate IQ of granite, I kind of have to admire them. Sprint grabbed headlines recently with the release of the Palm Pre and reportedly made improvements to its network as well. Reports are that resolving customer service issues remains firmly in the ninth circle of hell, but the coverage has supposedly gotten much better. The Pre is niftly little machine, and it's only real drawbacks are terrible battery life and inability to waste your disposable income on apps you don't need. The biggest selling point for Sprint is price. 70 bucks a month will get you 450 minutes, unlimited nights and weekends that start at 7 p.m., unlimited data, text messaging, picture messaging, and you can roam onto Verizon towers. The only real phone worth getting on Sprint is the Pre, but while it seems cool now, it doesn't have any kind of track record so there is no way to tell whether the Pre is going to last you for two years. Still, right now it is the strongest contender for my Cellular bid. I just wish it didn't feel like I was making a deal with the devil.

Sprint's Proposed new company logo

So loyal readers, what say ye? Which phone is the one phone to rule them all? Which service is the best service? Why can't there just be a decent phone on a decent network? Please leave your take in the comments section or by email.