Emmafied Review and Comment on the News.

August 31, 2004. A day that will live...in infamy. This is the day that my darling niece Emma came into the world. So, in commemoration of Emma's 4th birthday, I bring you an Emma themed review and comment on the news.

Here we go Tigers!

Item #1

John McCain picked a running mate.

Verdict:



Good Choice.

Sure, She's short on experience but so what. She did manage to become governor, didn't she? Okay, so her chief experience was being mayor of a town of 7ooo people, but it still beats Joe Biden, whom I wouldn't trust to run a Dairy Queen, let alone a town of 7000 people. It's not like Barrack Obama has any room to talk. His years of experience aren't exactly numerous and the tims he's spent in national office has been mostly spent positioning himself to run for president.

Personally, I like this pick. She's a reform advocate which means she'll get along with McCain and she's not well known enough that people know enough to hate her. Most importantly, she's a woman and that can help draw in disaffected Hillary supporters who want to see the glass ceiling shattered. That's right, it's the republicans who put a woman on a presidential ticket. Not just any ticket, but one that could actually win. Compare this with the democratic party which will only put a woman on the ticket if it has no chance to win. Go read the wiki on Geraldine Ferraro. Go on, I'll wait. Watch some youtube clips. Then, breath a sigh of relief that the Democrats had the good sense not to put her on the ticket in a year that they might have won.

Not only is Palin not crazy like Geraldine Ferraro, but she also has the benefit of not being evil, like say, another woman who recently came close to being president. Considering that Palin is running with John McCain, a man so old and in such poor health that he could literally fall over at any moment, she may actually be president soon. You go girl!

Item #2

Obama Picks a Running Mate.

Verdict:




Meh.

In an effort to snatch defeat from the jaws of inevitable victory, Obama picked well known Senate Blowhard Joe Biden as his running mate. Joe's actually a pretty good guy, but there's no denying he was the safe pick. He doesn't anger any core supporters and no one is going to flee the Obama camp because of Biden. A cooler choice would have been Bill Richardson. How cool would it have been to have a ticket featuring the first black man and the first latino to be President/V.P?

While Biden doesn't alienate core supporters, he doesn't bring anyone knew to the table. Also, conservatives hate him. That makes it more likely that republicans will show up to the polls to vote, rather than stay home in apathy.

By the way, I don't care if you are Republican or Democrat. This subtitled clip of Joe Biden is hilarious.

Item #3

Gas prices stay high

Verdict




Yay!

What? How can I be glad that gas prices are insane? Stop for a moment and consider the benefits of high gas prices. First, as long as gas stays high people will drive less. That means less pollution, and less traffic. Driving in Vegas is crowded to begin with, so less cars on the road is a good thing. Second, people who drive less will look for other ways to travel, such as walking or riding a bike. More exercise means better health and trimmer waist lines, which in turn means people live longer. Also, as long as gas prices stay high, there's an incentive to look for other, cleaner sources of energy. New sources of energy are the only way we are going to break our narcotic dependency on oil and stop funding countries run by militant religious fanatics (I'm looking at you, Saudis).

Perhaps most importantly, the number of auto accident related deaths has plummeted to the lowest levels recorded since the Kennedy administration. That's right, high gas prices save lives. Think about that next time you gripe about your pain at the pump.

More important than saving lives: High gas prices mean more bankruptcies. Gotta fund those Emma Birthday Gifts somehow!

Item #4

New Orleans is probably going to be destroyed (again).

Verdict:



Here comes another mess to clean up.

If you stood on a certain spot and got struck by lightening, then stood on the exact same spot and got struck by lightening again, and this happened day after day, wouldn't you eventually stop standing on that spot? Can we agree to not rebuild New Orleans this time? In light of the fact that God really, really, REALLY wants this city destroyed, who are we to argue? Let's quit lighting our money on fire rebuilding a city that apparently tops the Almighty's "Smite List" let's spend the money on something else, like relocating all of the residents of New Orleans to a city that does not lie in the path of a Hurricane Gulf Stream.

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That's it for this week, kiddos. Congrats to the recently engaged and the soon to be married.