People who need to go away.

Between switching from the couch in the front room to the couch in the back room, I periodically check the news. Frankly, there are a few people that I am sick of and I think that for the good of the nation, they should just shut up and go away.

1) Oil Companies. Bad enough your product pollutes the environment and funds terrorism, but the fact that it costs more to drive to the hood to buy cocaine, than to buy the actual cocaine is just insane. Oil companies are boasting record profits, much of it taken from the poor. If Robin Hood were alive today, he'd be hijacking oil tankers and distributing gas in the inner city. Something needs to be done about the oil companies. I understand, they're a business, they should be free to sell their products. But, what they sell is not an ordinary product. It is a narcotic whose addiction is driving the world at this point. Oil companies are little better than the drug pushers who reside on your street corner. The only difference is the drug dealers probably have better morals.

2) Leonardo DiCaprio. Aside from being a mediocre actor at best, Leo also is a die hard environmentalist. His next film project is a movie which talks about how basically screwed we are unless americans abandon air conditioning and quit driving cars. Rich Celebrities with no real understanding of the world irritate me as a general rule, but environmentalists tend to really get me going. One of the most irritating things about this movie is the fact that Al Gore already made this movie last year. Is there anything left to say? Earth getting hot (on average, an entire degree!), ice caps melting, world screwed. We get the picture. If most Americans didn't believe Al Gore (with good reason, he's a hypocrite and a nutcase) why would they listen to the guy from Titanic? Bottom line, most of America can't afford to go green on the level environmentalists want them to, and they get angry when rich people who have never sacrificed anything in their life, and for whom an environmentally conscious life style does not represent an inconvenience. Go away Leo, your movie will be fawned over by other rich yuppies who share your views and ignored by pretty much everyone else.

3) Jimmy Carter. Jimmy said today that George Bush was the worst president ever. Come on, Jimmy. You're just being modest. You were far, far worse. Not only was your foreign policy a total disaster (except for the egypt peace treaty, which essentially amounted to paying off a terrorist state to go away), but you also managed to botch every terrorist crisis you were faced with, have fuel shortages, high unemployment, AND stagflation. You're a nice guy Jimmy, but you were the worst president of the past century whose presidency didn't involve teapot dome. Essentially, George W. has written off the rest of his presidency, and it's pretty clear he's not going to do much of anything except veto bills that get us out of Iraq. He'd have to actively try to screw up the nation every single day for the rest of his administration, and even then he probably still couldn't equal the travesty that was the Carter Administration. Scoreboard, Jimmy. Bush is bad; you were worse. Shut your mouth and go away.

4) San Antonio Spurs. I think you would be hard pressed to find anyone outside of San Antonio who doesn't think your team is dirty. You guys did everything to Nash but order a "code red", A Few Good Men style. I kept watching post game interviews expecting Greg Popovich to scream "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!" You guys are a dirty team, Bowen shouldn't be allowed to play the rest of the tournament. You could spend an entire episode of sportscenter talking about the stuff that he did that didn't make headlines. His fingerprints were all over Nash's jersey. You can deny it all you want Tim Duncan, but your victory is tainted. You'll probably win the finals, which means of the three finals you've won, only one is legitimate. Congrats, bro.

5) Michael Moore. A movie that argues that the Canadian health care system is the ideal? That's high comedy. Having lived in a country with socialized medicine, let me tell you, we're better off. Also, yeah, Cuba has good health care, but they pay for it by giving up things like freedom, personal autonomy, and toilet paper (the government allotment is 8 squares per person, per month. Sheryl Crow would be happy). Mike, how do you lack the personal awareness to know that playing fast and loose with the facts is what causes people to ignore and dismiss you. Tell the whole truth, or just shut up.