March Madness

Every year for march madness I fill out a bracket after carefull research and study. My bracket is almost never right. For some reason, the winner of whatever bracket contest I enter is almost always some girl who picked her teams on totally random criteria. So, this year I decided to try and beat the system. I've filled out two brackets. One, a legitimate bracket that I poured over, spending a long time trying to decide at what point having an inferior coach is going to cause Texas to lose even though they have the best player in the tournament. The other bracket, I decided to fill out using absolutely stupid criteria, trying to think as little as possible about things like who had the best players, worst coaches, total inability to defend, etc, and instead concentrate on things like whose uniform was shinier. I decided that for my blog today, I would run through the first round of my random bracket and explain my reasoning, or lack thereof.

Midwest

Florida vs. Jackson St.
I picked Florida because it is an actual state. I'm pretty sure that Jackson is not a State, which makes them guilty of false advertising. False advertising is a crime, and criminals never prosper.

Arizona vs. Purdue
The 8 and 9 seeds are always tough. I picked Purdue in my other bracket, but I'm going with Arizona in this bracket because I want to live there one day.

Butler vs. Old Dominion.

No question, you have to go for a team with a name like old dominion. They just sound cool. How have I never heard of a school with a cool name like this. Do they have a law school? I may have to transfer.

Maryland vs. Davidson

This is tough, I once visited Maryland and it was very humid, which I don't like. However, I had a Zone Leader named Davidson and he was pretty rough on me during my qualification...Hmmm... I'm going to pick Maryland on this one.

Notre Dame vs. Winthrop

Easy pick. Notre Dame has a way better fight song. Don't front, now that I've mentioned it, you've started singing it to yourself and it will haunt you the rest of the day.

Oregon v. Miami

Miami was the subject of one of the worst Will Smith songs ever, Oregon had Steve Prefontaine. In fact, just for the Prefontaine connection I have them making the elite eight in this bracket.

UNLV vs. Georgia Tech.

UNLV overcharges me for tuition and gave me much lower grades than I deserved. My pick: Georgia Tech.

Wisconsin vs Fake Texas A & M.
I like cheese. Wisconsin all the way.

West

Kansas v. Some poor team that has no chance.
Tough, but...I think I will go with Kansas on this one.

Kentucky v. Villanova
Now, this is an interesting game for those who actually follow college basketball. Villanova is probably underrated, Kentucky is probably overrated. Also, if they don't make the sweet sixteen, Kentucky's coach is probably going to lose his job so the pressure is on. In this bracket though, the choice was easy. Kentucky's coach is named Tubby, so I pick Kentucky.

Virginia Tech v. Illinois.
Tempting to pick Illinois cause I like their nickname, but I'm going to go with Virginia Tech because I think they are the more likely candidate to one day be featured in a David Lynch movie.

S. Illinois v. Holy Cross.
I already picked one catholic school, that's my limit. Southern Illinois takes this one.

Duke v. VCU
Again, if I were trying to take this seriously, I would point out that Duke in no way deserves a 6 seed and that they are the weakest Duke team in years. However, I like that the pronounciation of their coaches name in no way relates to its spelling, also, I like that they break people's noses when they are behind. I think Basketball needs more violence. You never hear of Basketball players being arrested, or fighting, or running around with guns, or being accused of Domestic violence. By all accounts, the NBA all star weekend was one of the most tame weekends in the history of Las Vegas. Basketball needs more violence and excitement.

Pittsburgh v. Wright.

Once knew a girl named Wright. Go Pitt.

Indiana v. Gonzaga
Adam Morrison isn't around to cry, so I'm okay with the Zags winning.

UCLA v. Weber St.
UCLA all the way. I knew a girl who went to Weber St.

East

North Carolina v. Eastern Kentucky
I have this theory that the state of Kentucky doesn't really exist, so I'm going with North Carolina, which I am 63% sure exists.

Marquette v. Michigan St.

I'm going with Michigan St. because Marquette sounds french.

USC v. Arkansas.
Hmmm... USC rejected me from their Law School, and the Governor of the state of Arkansas is a Runner, which means God is probably on Arkansas side. Look for the Arkansas upset.

Texas v. New Mexico St.
I've often theorized that once the Republicans finally succeed in erecting a wall on the Mexican border, they will try to rename New Mexico, most likely after Ronald Reagan. Which means his game would be Texas v. Reagonia State, and I just can't bring myself to root for Reagonia State; their name is weird. Texas all the way. And no, I did not allow my decision to be influenced by the fact that they have the best player in college basketball. Did anyone else notice that Danny Ainge is at all the Texas games lately?

Vanderbilt v. George Washington.
George Washington is on the quarter, and the dollar bill. What's Vanderbilt on?

Washington State v. Oral Roberts
That teams name is Oral! <>. Seriously though, Washington is on the quarter and the dollar bill.

Boston College v. Texas Tech
Texas Tech's mascot is Satan. Picking them would be a sin.

Georgetown v. Belmont.

Belmont is tempting because that is the name of an apartment complex at BYU populated by lots of people of questionable moral fiber. Their ward has the reputation of all the sacrament trays coming back full, if you know what I mean. However, Georgetown sounds more impressive. A whole town named George! I wonder if any of them are curious...

South

Ohio St. vs. Some Community College where the players are going to spend the game trying to get Greg Oden's autograph.

Duh.

BYU v. Xavier
Ignoring BYU's tendency to implode, and the fact that they are the whitest team on earth, and that Xavier is playing 80 miles from its home court, and that one of the refs has a documented grudge against BYU, I'm going to pick them because they are my Alma matter. Plus Xavier reminds me of X-men, and the last X-men movie was sub-par at best. By the way, the NCAA should really get a new ouija board when they do the seedings for next year. The one they used this year is clearly broken.

Tennessee v. Long Beach St.

Tennessee is harder to spell, but it is also where Elvis lived.

Virginia v. Albany
I can't find Albany on a map, so I'm going with Virginia.

Louisville v. Stanford.
Louisville was the subject of the worst Cameron Crowe movie ever that was not called "Jerry Maguire." How did the guy who made "Almost Famous" also make Elizabethtown? Most obvious drug habit since Billie Joe Armstrong. Go Stanford.*

*My decision was in no way influenced by the fact that Louisville's coach destroyed the Celtics. In no way. Not at all. Not even a little bit.**

**I might be lying.

Texas A & M v. Pennsylvania.

Texas A & M has an ampersand in its name, and I've always felt that Pennsylvania sounded like an especially unpleasant venereal disease. Go A & M!

Nevada v. Creighton.
I have no idea where Creighton is, and I love Nevada just because it drives locals crazy if they feel the name of their state is pronounced wrong, and I know the announcers are going to use the wrong pronunciation almost 90% of the time. (Note: It's a Spanish word, and YOU are all pronouncing it wrong, Nevada residents. You can yell all you want about how you don't like the shape of the world, but it's still going to be round).

Memphis v. North Texas

If I were a basketball fan I might make the standard comment that Memphis is over rated and then make the obligatory Paper Tiger comment. Instead, I'm just going to pick Memphis because it is in the state where Elvis lived.

War BYU upsetting Ohio State!