Terra Cotta Hope

Awhile ago I made a post where if you gave me a title, I would write the movie. Basically, hollywood movies are so formulaic that anyone could write them, you just get a title, pick a genre, and throw in a few cliche's. Roll camera and boom, you have yourself a blockbuster movie. So today's movie is terra Cotta Hope.

Terra Cotta Hope is a coming of age story, it stars Dakota Fanning, or someone in that vein. Now, Dakota is a troubled teen, see. Not too troubled, cause audiences don't like their protagonists to be bulemic, or to be obsessed with cutting on themselves. But Dakota is starting to get into trouble, she mouths off to her single mom, and gets busted smoking pot or shoplifting twinkies or something. Dakota has an angry confrontation with Mom, played by Tea Leoni where she says she doesn't think her life will go anywhere and she has no hope of anything good in her life.

So, to deal with the unruly teen, she is shipped off to live with Grandma in the Rural town of Terra Cotta, famous for its dairies and small town living. Dakota is forced to help grandma, who's played by Betty White, by doing chores, which she does with a major attitude at first, but then throughout the movie she learns to love. Dakota gets to know the goofy characters from around the town, and develops a crush on neighborhood boy, played by whatever that kid's name is from the Sparkly- Vampire movie. Not the Vampire, the other kid. The one who's not gay. I forget his name. So, Dakota and Not-Vampire fall in love, through the magic of roping cattle or something, and she's learning to like the town and appreciate the value of hard work and time with Grandma. But, the evil bank/real estate developer, played by Kevin Pollack, wants grandma to sell the property, so they can put up a new resort or highway, or something that sounds evil and greedy which audience members would no-doubt use, but can still project hatred towards without feeling hypocritical. But Grandma won't sell because no matter how much they offer, it can't match the value of the memories she's made at her home. Finally, the stress of the situation causes grandma to collapse, and she's unconscious in the hospital.

Dakota's mom flies back to Terra Cotta, the small town she spent her whole life swearing she'd never go back to. And with grandma unconscious, and mom worried about how they will pay the medical bills, Mom agrees to sign over the house to the evil banker. Dakota will be crying and want to give up, but then Not-gay-vampire will tell her that if she really loves Terra Cotta, then she should just go tell her mom how she feels. Just as mom is about to sign over the deed, which will inexplicably take place in the hospital (how she has legal authority to do this will be explained in passing somehow), Dakota will make a heart warming speech about how the house can't be sold, and will tell all about how her time in Terra Cotta has taken her off the path of being a crack whore and shown her that life is good. Mom is impressed with all the not-crack whoriness of Dakota and says they won't sell, just then, Grandma wakes up echoes everyones sentiments of not selling. Evil banker dude goes away mad. Grandma and Mom hug, and Dakota and Not Vampire dude kiss. Roll Credits.

30?

Greetings Blog-followers. Apologies for the lengthy absence (No, Michelle, I haven't forgotten about Terra Cotta Hope, The plot is complete in my mind, I just haven't had a chance to put it down on paper, but you'll love it). The purpose for this post is to solicit ideas for what I should do for my 30th birthday. It occurs to me that I have no clue what I did for my 20th birthday, and I figure I ought to mark this occasion. So, shoot me a text, email, IM, facebook message, or post in the comments section on what I should do for my 30th birthday.