Dear Little Danny

I've found a new song for you to learn. Please have this down by the end of the day.

Universal Rapture Coverage.

Like most Americans, I spend a lot of time worrying about the rapture. For those of you heathens who don't know, the rapture is when God returns to earth and takes the believers with him to heaven, leaving all the unbelievers behind to fight amongst themselves, at least if the Kirk Cameron movies are to be believed.

Now, while not an evangelical, I do consider myself a Christian. I think I live a pretty good life. I don't commit any major sins, I don't drink or smoke, I read my scriptures daily, and I only jaywalk in emergency situations. However, according to Born-Again Christianity, I'm still probably not good enough to get taken up at the rapture. Apparently, God is not down with Mormons. I'm told by my Evangelical Christian friends that He hates Mormons even more than Muslims, Catholics, and Gays. So, I find myself worrying about what will happen to me during the rapture. Even though the rapture is never actually mentioned in the Bible, a lot of people seem convinced of its truthfulness. If we've learned anything from the last couple of years, it's that beliefs held by large groups of Americans are never wrong. Many people believed that there were weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, and we are still finding piles of WMD's daily. Many people believed that real-estate values would continue to skyrocket, and housing prices continue to skyrocket and real-estate demand is still at an all-time high. Likewise, since so many people believe in the rapture, I'm convinced that it will occur.

This leaves me with a significant problem. What if I get "left behind?" No one can predict exactly what will become of those unbelievers left behind at His coming, but since those left behind will all be sinners, it's a pretty safe bet that it won't be pretty. Knowing this, I've been looking around trying to find some way to hedge against the coming post-rapture disaster. I'm talking, of course, about rapture insurance.

Think about it. After the rapture, society is going to pretty much be on its way out. You are going to need coverage so you can stockpile the provisions and ammunition you need to last as long as you can until the inevitable sinner-zombie apocalypse sends you to the fiery pit of despair where you cannot find relief. And, even if you are taken up, what's going to happen to your loved ones who are sinners? Would you really feel good in heaven knowing that your loved ones left behind were not taken care of?

I've cruised the internets searching for rapture insurance, but the results are very discouraging. Of the major insurance carriers, NONE of them carry rapture insurance. How did this oversight occur? Blue Cross informs me that my policy will cover any injuries I sustain in the rapture, provided that they are not the result of a pre-existing condition. However, if one is left behind in the rapture, it will be because of unbelief prior to the rapture which is by definition a pre-existing condition and any injuries one suffers in the rapture will not be covered. My renter's insurance and car insurance do not offer rapture coverage, and are totally useless because they don't cover "acts of God." What do you think the rapture is people!?!

There are groups on the internets of fundamentalist Christians that offer rapture insurance, but it can be costly and many people refuse to buy this specialized rapture insurance. People think that it is too expensive, or that they somehow don't need it. They either don't believe in the rapture or think that they are good Christians and they are spiritually healthy enough that they will not need rapture insurance. Sure, today you might be in good spiritual condition, but you never know what the future will hold. You could find yourself in the midst of an existential crisis and while suffering from unbelief the rapture could hit without warning and you would be left behind and you would have NO INSURANCE COVERAGE. Also, just because you don't believe in the rapture doesn't mean it won't happen. People who believe that organic food is healthy still get cancer, Christian Scientists still get sick in spite of not believing in medicine, Scientologists still are crazy as loons in spite of not believing in psychiatry.

What will happen to the people who don't purchase rapture insurance? It is likely that those people will become a burden on society. We will collectively have to bear the burden of our co-sinners foolishness. They will become a drain on the public as we are all faced to pay for them through higher rapture insurance premiums and taxes to take care of them when they fall on public assistance. All of this could be avoided however, if everyone would simply purchase rapture insurance themselves.

The costs and risks associated with the rapture are simply too great to let people chart their own course on this. If we continue to allow people to choose whether or not to purchase rapture insurance, many will inevitably make the wrong and foolish choice of going without. People will continue to live in denial and rely on the myth of their own invincibility so that they can have a few extra dollars a month. Money that they will probably spend on sinning anyway. I propose that we make a law requiring everyone to purchase rapture insurance. Employers should be required to offer it to their employees or face fines. Individuals must purchase rapture insurance or they will face similar fines.

Now, you make think, what is to happen to all of the people who cannot afford to pay for rapture insurance? It is true that there are many who would willingly purchase rapture insurance if they could afford it, however they lack the funds to do so. To take care of these people, I propose we create a public option rapture insurance. We can fund this public option by taxing the rapture insurance of those who can afford their own policies. This way, we can assure that everyone is covered in the event of a rapture. At least those who are left behind by God, will not be left behind by society. This is the only choice we have. It is too important an issue to allow people to think for themselves. We cannot afford to let people fail. We must act decisively and quickly. Every day that passes brings the rapture closer and we must make sure our people are covered. WWJD, people? Write your congressperson today and demand universal rapture coverage.

The Obama Gorilla

Political Math is back, with yet another excellent youtube video. Enjoy it in all of its libertarian goodness.

Agreed

Please, someone in the White House, put this on the top of the agenda.

Music you should own

As an ongoing public service, we here at simsisms like to point out music that doesn't suck and that should be a part of your iTunes library. Here's what's on our playlist of late:

1) Vagabond by Wolfmother

I'd all but forgotten about this song til recently, but it is a sorely overlooked tune that everyone should hear, by power trio Wolfmother.



2) Hang on St. Christopher and 16 shells from a 30 ought 6 by Tom Waits.

Anyone who's talked music with me in the past couple months knows that I have been on a HUGE Tom Waits kick. I'll admit that his voice is an acquired taste, but once you start to get what he's going for, you learn to LOVE the voice. It's the voice that Marilyn Manson could only dream of. The expressive growl which gives life to masterfully written songs. These are two of my favorites, taken from the ludicrously surreal live video Big Time. I actually like these versions better than the album versions. I think they're more energetic. 16 Shells is so frenzied you absolutely believe Tom when he screams at the blackbird who laughed at him as he learned to play guitar. Songs like these are why Waits is on the top of my list of people to see if he ever comes back to Vegas.





3) Tightrope by Yeasayer

This is what music should be. Ugly people using crazy intrumentations and great harmonies to make trippy, experimental music. Bonus points to any group willing to throw a sitar on to their studio tracks. Here's a live performance from a radio station, still pretty good.



4) You can't stand in my light anymore by Bob Mould.

If you've ever actually seen a Bob Mould, you might think "Who is this old, bald dude, and why should I know who he is?" Mould used to be part of a group you've never heard of (but should have) called Husker Du, who were an innovative music group about 150 million years ago, or so. Bob still makes great tunes and they deserve a listen.



5) Bigcitydreams by Neversaynever

Who are these guys with shallow but catchy lyrics who refuse to use the space bar? I don't know but dangit, this song is infectious. It's like the swine flu of the music world.


6) Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez

Yeah, so I like mellow, acoustic music. So shoot me. This song is still great. The kind of thing James Taylor might have written before Carly Simon had him shot and killed and replaced with a clone. I don't even care that this song is used in Sony Commercials.

7) The Ship Song by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

This is a great song, I don't care if Nick has the worst 70's mustache in the history of mankind in this video.

8)Sax Rohmer #1 by the Mountain Goats.

Not their most famous song, but definitely best. And no, I don't care that the song doesn't feature a saxaphone or a famous Yankee second baseman. Stop being so literal.

9) Hey Julie by Fountains of Wayne.
Why aren't these guys more popular? How is Stacy's Mom their only hit song? MTV, you sicken me. Everyone who owns a guitar should know how to play this song.




10) Pretty Much anything that has ever been written by Greg Laswell

That's right. Our last entry is everything Greg has ever written. You should just run and go download. Quick, before any mor eof his songs are viciously defiled by being featured on Grey's Anatomy. Here's a live performance of mone of my fav's.

Ouch.

Seriously, harsh criticism.

Why mods don't happen?

The government has a 75 billion dollar program to help bank modify mortgages. They were hoping by now to have some 3-4 million people in the program, so far, they've got about 180,000. Turns out, the problem isn't on the government end, it's that the banks collect a ton of fees dragging your home into foreclosure so it's in their interest to drag the process out as long as possible.

Great story in the New York Times about the issue. To read it, click HERE

PO-PO statement

Racism?

Were the police racist, or was Prof. Gates out of line? Should the President be commenting on this while admitting that he doesn't know the facts? Here's the police report. You decide.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0723092gates1.html

Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul!

The worse the economy gets, the more this guy make sense. Never thought I'd see the day when Ron Paul sounded less crazy than the people running the government.

Whoa-man

see more Funny Graphs

Why I'll never live in New York

Nice place to visit, but...

Paul Krugman

Paul Krugman very seriously argues that the reason the stimulus isn't working is because the government just isn't spending enough money, doggone it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/10/opinion/10krugman.html?_r=1

Paul, do us all a favor, and return that Nobel Prize.

No end in sight

People frequently ask me if I think the economy is about to turn around. I tell them no. No one who believes recovery is on the horizon can point to ANY statistic or indicator to justify their optimism. I tell you what I tell everyone else, the numbers you get from the White House, which are then passed along to the media are doctored. They are unreliable, and juked to make things seem better than they really are. Take a look at this fantastic article by Mortimer Zuckerman over that the Wall Street Journal about why the economy is in even worse shape than you think it is.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124753066246235811.html

Barbara Boxer

Oh Barbara, still stupid.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/mcclatchy/20090711/sc_mcclatchy/3269899

Cramer gets it right

Yet again, Jim Cramer gets it right and calls what no one else will. Oil Futures are a sham and the price of oil has ZERO connection to reality.

Foreclosure Process

One of the questions I get asked frequently is what the timeline on a foreclosure looks like. I found this on the internets, though honestly, lenders are a little more aggressive than what this chart lays out. Generally, a notice of default is filed after you've missed 4 months, and then things proceed from there. Here's a rough outline of the process though. There's probably something similar in your jurisdiction (except for California and their crappy No-Deficiency on first mortgages statutes).

Nevada Foreclosure Process

Graph Jams

One of my favorite sites is Graph Jams. I highly recommend you give it a look.



Graph Jam.com

Oh, and by the way, happy 4th of July!

National Debt Visualization

This was sent to me by my personal economist, Dr. Dave, PhD. I thought it was a pretty good way to visualize how out of control the debt has become.