Happy Birthday Little Danny

Dear Little Danny,

It’s your birthday, shout hoo-ray!

Your one more year older today.

A little bit wiser and closer to death,

Closer to hair out your ears, and foul smelling breath.

I’m guessing this day goes by in a whirl,

With presents from family, and kisses from girls.

Present from Mom, and Money from Dad,

A hug from Amanda, and a poem from Brad.

Why didn’t your brother get you a real gift?

Why, cause he wanted to give you a present with thrift.

Anyone can give you presents with class

But your brother Brad finds that to be crass.

He’d much rather give you something with style,

Something you’ll remember for more than a while.

A poem from the heart that goes to your head,

It’s all Brad can afford; he’s out of bread.

He spent all his money on the A/C in his truck

The week of your birthday, darn all the luck!

He wishes he could get you something real grand,

But it hot here in Vegas, he hopes you understand.

But a poem from Brad beats any gift,

It can make you feel better, give you a lift.

It doesn’t need batteries or fancy software,

It never breaks down; no need to repair!

Yes a poem from your brother’s a very fine thing,

Better than diamonds, it’s fit for a king.

So on this, your birthday, I want you to know,

I’m so glad you’re my little bro.

Happy Birthday Little Danny,

(Please girls, whack him on the fanny)

How to be a hated Professor

How a Law Professor can guarantee that he/she will be hated.

1) Try as hard as you can to focus on background material and abstract theory. The less likely something is to be on a test, or be useful later on in life, the more time you should spend on it.

2) Try to avoid anything that could appear on the bar. Just because your students have accrued tens of thousands of dollars of crippling debt in the hopes that they will be able to pass the bar exam is no reason for you to try and help them with that. It's far more important to have intellectually stimulating conversation.

3) Make sure your intellectual conversation is liberally biased and any conservative or moderate thought is reviled. Take extra care to point out that anything written by Scalia is wrong and must be dismissed simply because he wrote it. Try and underline as often as you can that he doesn't belong on the court and that law professors hate him.

4) When discussing a case, try and drag the case out as long as you can. Sure, Brown v. Bd. of Education is only 4 pages long, but make sure you spend several class periods on it. Repeat yourself endlessly and make sure to waste a lot of time analyzing the case from different viewpoints.

5) Pay close attention to minute unimportant details of a case. Torture students for several minutes as to why a name in the case might be misspelled, then tell them the answer. Whatever you do, obscure the important law in the case. The class should leave the room wondering, "Why did we read that?"

6) Randomly triple your students' workload. Make sure to act like yours is the only class the students have. If you have to cancel a class, make sure that you schedule a makeup class at an inconvenient time and add an extra writing assignment. You should make sure that the students pay for any of your mistakes.

7) Waste student time with writing assignments. Since you don't actually teach your students anything, there's no real reason for them to do the reading. In order to make sure they do the reading, add writing assignments and other wastes of time.

8) Do not, for any reason, prepare your students for the final. The final is close to 100% of their grades, so you should try to make them as nervous as possible about it. Make sure that all questions are overly broad and could not possibly be answered. Try to test on vague and unimportant things.

9) If at all possible, make sure most of the final covers a topic not introduced until the final week of class.

10) Schedule a review session, but make sure it's unproductive. Don't give any help that could relate in any way to the final.

11) Turn in your grades late. Remember, rankings, scholarships, law review, and a whole host of other things are dependent on grades, so try to hold everyone up as much as you can. Try to aim for the lowest justifiable curve. Try to ruin the greatest number of lives with as much casual indifference as you possibly can.

50 on 50

All right y'all, this is my 50th post as a blogger. To commemorate the 50th instance of bored ramblings from an unremarkable mind, I tried to come up with something special. First, you'll notice that I updated the blog's design and placed a way feng shui picture of a tree at the top of the blog. I've given considerable thought as to what my 50th post should be. I thought about blogging about the apostasy filled church meeting last week, or my mechanics inability to fix my air conditioner regardless of the significant monetary sums paid to him, but those didn't seem right. I then considered doing a rundown of some new tunes that are playing in my mp3 player lately, but that seemed to standard and I haven't really had any good tip offs about up and coming indie artists lately. I was going to do a running diary of the VMA's but decided that mere words were insufficient to convey just how bad that whole freak show was. I then briefly considered doing an update on the presidential election in the form of another "If they were bands" post, but decided I would save it for later in the week. Instead of all of these, I've decided to blog about the most historic 9-11 commemoration that will ever happen. An event so monumental that your children's children will be talking about it. I'm talking, of course, about the rap battle between Kanye West and 50 Cent that airs tomorrow, September 11, on the BET program 106 & Park (check local listings for times).

Some of you might be thinking, "I don't like rap, how could this possibly affect me?" Well, I don't like terrorists, but somehow, they keep affecting my life. More to the point, it's important that we be aware of our surroundings and the important events that occur in our world, and this is the most important rap beef since Biggie and Tupac.

That fight did impact your life whether you know it or not. Tupac died, basically eliminating the most socially conscious voice in the mainstream rap/hip-hop community at the time. Then Biggie died, and Puff Daddy was able to prostitute the memory of his friend to make millions of dollars degrading classic rock tunes by sampling the music and replacing the lyrics with the tripe that had the musical nutritional value of a twinkie. His success perpetuated itself on selling an image, through flashy music videos and eye-catching public appearances. The music industry realized that it didn't need people with talent to create music sensations and rushed to put out pre-fabricated stars who valued image over substance. Subsequently, kids quit spending money on musically talented alternative acts or worthwhile hip-hop artists and started spending their money on Britney Spears, AFI, Ja Rule, and other "artists" whose image was strictly manipulated by the record companies. Since the music was no longer important, there was no need to to sell CD's. Why listen to a music act whose whole appeal is derived from being seen? Since the Music was no longer important, MTV quit playing music video, preferring instead to show reality shows of Abercrombie models and rich spoiled brats being as promiscuous and titillating as possible to drive up ratings. When music videos were shown, they were constantly interrupted by annoying visuals and distractions so no one would notice the sub-par music. To compensate for lost CD revenue, record companies drove the price up (which they'd been doing for years anyway). Prices topped out at a ridiculous $20 or more for a CD which might only have one good song. Music lovers tried to fight back by downloading the music they wanted and avoid paying obscene fees for music. Most real musicians were secretly delighted as they only cared about having their music heard. They only made an average of 50 cents off a CD anyway. However, a few control hungry bands (I'm talking to you Lars Ulrich) and greedy record producers combined to shut Napster down. Technology found a way and music downloading continued to flourish on limewire and Kazaa, a company designed and conceived with one express purpose, avoid litigation. Music downloading made consumers the boss, and allowed them to find the artists they liked. Artists focused on putting their music out there for people to hear, on the net or on myspace, and contented themselves with making money off concerts and licensing fees (Is there a flaming lips song that hasn't been used in a car commercial?). The indie scene flourished and is in the middle of a dramatic renaissance. Subpop, an indie label famous for signing Nirvana and other acts I guarantee you know and love, is now one of the hottest labels out there. The indie band, The Shins released an album this year that debuted at #2 on the charts. Now, I'm not saying that the Biggie Tupac fight caused all of this, but the current state of music has its roots in a rap beef that has directly and indirectly influenced music in the years subsequent.

So, why is the Kanye v. 50 battle important? Neither of them can hold a candle to NWA or Tupac. Neither of them are especially intelligent (50 Cent is a barely literate felon and Kanye, well, just go watch the clip of him an Mike Myers on the Hurricane Katrina fundraiser). The importance in this rap battle comes from a fundamental difference in style and background. Kanye is the son of an English professor and was raised in an upper middle class home. 50 cent is the child of a drug dealer. He grew up on the streets and went to jail. This fight is about two different outlooks and two different styles. Which view will win out? The results might tell you something about our society. I know I'll be watching.

The Issues

So, today was probably the worst church meeting I've been to since I've moved to Vegas. I'll probably blog about it later this week, but the horror is too fresh in my mind to blog about it right now. The upshot is, I really want to go to a new ward, and might even consider a family ward just to get out. Anyway, to ease my pain, I've spent the day immersed in socially conscious New Zealand music. My friend Matt recently turned me on to Flight of the Conchords and I'm hooked. Below is one of my favorite Flight of the Conchords videos. Usually, I prefer more esoteric Indie Rock, but I think that the issues that they break down in this song are so universal that they appeal to everyone, and they certainly spoke to me. Enjoy.

This semester

Generally, I only blog when bored in class. It looks like I'll be blogging a lot this semester. Generally, I don't blog specific law school events because I know people from my class read this and I don't want to risk offending anyone. I'm making an exception because, well, I've quit caring.

Here's the rundown on my classes and my first impressions.

Evidence- Monday Wednesday at 3:00

The jury is still out on this class, but so far its okay. It earns bonus marks for the Professor having cancelled class this past wednesday and not marking two additional classes at 6:00 am in the morning to make up for it like a certain professor I had in the spring decided to do. The Prof. showed an incomprehensible film clip at the end of last class about a Southern guy who looked like an extra from "O Brother, Where Art Thou." Apparently the guy may or may not have killed his brother who was in great pain after having accidentally attacked himself with a chain saw several years earlier. I swear I am not making this up. The film had literally nothing to do with the class, but it one points for the unintentional comedy that came from interviews of really old rednecks who had obviously consumed copious amounts of spirituous beverages in their lifetime. Best part: When asked why the police would want to frame him for murder, the old gentleman smiles, showing his three remaining teeth, picks up a handful of dirt, points to a field looking suspiciously like a toxic waste dump, and says, "This land, this land here is what they are after." Camera starts to shake as newsman tries hard not to break out laughing.

Public Privacy and Defamation
Mondays and Wednesdays at 7:45 p.m.

Surprising good class. Cases involve celebrities, tatoo artists, scandals, etc. If nothing else, the case book is a juicy read. Plus, advanced torts are on the Bar Exam so it is at least useful.

Con Law II
Tuesday Thursday 1:30

I used to think that Con Law I was the most useless class ever, now I know I was wrong. I haven't actually opened the book yet because we don't really go through the cases. We just talk about the history of the law and our feelings. It's like being trapped in an episode of Oprah, only without the free pontiac. Add to that the fact that a number of people in the class make up for lack of thinking ability by vocally stating uninformed positions on whatever issues the class is discussing. Every time I leave this class I feel dumber. I just dread going because I know I don't get that hour and a half of my life back, and it is time I could spend doing something more enjoyable than sitting in that class, like bathing in sulfuric acid. It's just not a good class.

Wills Trusts and Estates
Monday Wednesday 3:00.

I love this class. It's useful, I learn things. I leave knowing more than when I went in. Why is it so hard to have a similar experience in other classes? The Prof knows his stuff and the textbook actually explains things clearly. Plus, every case is about people dying and the class is filled with lots of black humor. My twisted sense of humor thrives in this kind of setting and I love it. Plus, there are no class participation points so there is no need to suck up to the Prof., who has made it pretty clear he doesn't like people who kiss his butt.

That's the schedule for the semester. It's nice and lax which means I can get a job if I want, plus, I have time to run. If I get in four miles tonight, and get in my full run Saturday then I will hit 35 miles this week. And yes, it is 100+ degrees outside every day and no, I don't care.

Yo la tengo

Sorry to make two video posts in a row, but I stumbled on an old Yo La Tengo video that I had to post. It features the band as well as David Cross and Bob Odenkirk, who you might remember from Arrested Development and many a Will Ferrell movie. Check it out, its well worth a look.

Mother

This one's for you, mom.

Darfur

I've made the occasional reference to Darfur in the past, and for those of you who know me, you know that I feel strongly that the world's failure to intervene there is just unconscionable. It's one of the few socially responsible positions that I hold. I know a lot of people have no idea what's going on there and I saw a pretty good breakdown of the situation today and posted it on my Facebook page. However, I know that some people stubbornly refuse to enter the 21st century and sign up for facebook (I'm not going to mention anyone specific, I don't want to embarrass Michelle) so I thought that I would post the link here.

The situation in Darfur briefly explained:

http://awesome.goodmagazine.com/transparency/006/trans006tellmemore.html

Why you may need a will.

So, in a rare moment of Social Consciousness, I've decided to actually tackle a serious subject in today's blog. I thought today I might show off a bit of the old legal education.

I'm guessing that most of the 3 or 4 people who are so beset by boredom that they read this blog are around my age. This means they are firmly in the mid twenties age bracket. People in their mid twenties tend to not have wills, and could probably use one.

A lot of people in their 20's tend not to have a will because they figure, "hey, I don't really have a wife and kids, I really don't need a will. I don't really care what happens to my stuff when I die." Most people in their mid-twenties also tend to believe that they are invincible and won't die anyway. They tend to believe this in spite of the fact that they drive way too fast, drink enough liquor to fry Shamu's liver, sleep far too little, eat junk food, exercise poor hygiene, snort mysterious powders, and have indiscriminate sex with people best described as human petri dishes. If anything, people are MORE likely to die in their 20's than in their 30's and 40's. Yet, this idea that "I don't need a will, death isn't an issue for me" still seems to prevail.

In some cases, that may be true. When you die, your possessions will all go to your next of kin, most likely your parents. All your possessions. That means that your extensive collection of pornography, your personal journal, embarrassing photos, x-rated toys, your stash of cocaine, etc., will go into the possession of your parents. Think hard. Are there things you own that you would prefer your parents did not know about? If that answer is yes, you need to get a will, appoint an executor, and leave instructions which friend you want to leave your hydroponics experiments to.

Another issue to consider, what happens if your parents are divorced? Do you want your parents fighting over your stuff? Maybe your parents are the rare example of an amicably divorced couple who could come together and work this type of thing out. However, most divorced couples loathe each other and never miss an opportunity to fight, especially over children. A will is a good way to avoid that kind of fighting.

Now, some of you might be young and married. When you expire, your stuff generally all goes to your spouse. No real issue, unless there are things that you don't want your spouse to have, like, your collection of porn, letters from old girlfriends, the number to the trust account you set up for your Vietnamese mistress, etc. Another problem is what if you and a significant other are shacking up? If you want anything to go to them, it just makes life easier on everyone if you have a will in place.

If you have a kid, it's time to get a will. If you aren't married then you need to establish that the stuff goes to your kid, or doesn't go to the kid, etc. It is possible that you will die in some horrible accident and that there will be a settlement with your estate. You need a will to specify if you want stuff from your estate to go to your kid. It generally will anyway, but again, why leave anyone room to fight about stuff. Families get torn apart by dividing inheritance. Also, maybe there are kids you want to cut out of your will. Ungrateful little buggers, you can disinherit every last one of them.

The problem that married couples face is what happens if both of you die, and you have a child. See, if one of you dies, the legal part is simple, the spouse gets all your stuff and raises your kid. Your spouse then marries someone richer and better looking than you, your kid changes his last name, and then grows up to gain a drug habit and blame you for all of his problems because you died before he ever got to really know you. However, if you both die, then your assets are all complicated and impossible to sort out, and the in-laws fight over who raises the kid. Now, you probably don't really care about your assets, your young and married which means you are likely poor and have nothing cool. However, the kid thing should worry you. Do you really want a court to decide who will be the legal guardian of your child? Why would you ever leave that in the hands of a judge? Unpleasant as it is, you absolutely need to talk with your spouse about the subject, designate a guardian, make sure the guardian would be okay with it, make sure that people know about it, and for heaven sakes, PUT IT IN WRITING. Also good to put in writing, whether or not you want to be kept alive on a ventilator if you are brain dead and in a coma/vegetative state. If you want to really be prepared, talk about how you feel about organ donation and put that in writing as well. (P.S. if you say no to organ donation, you just suck and you are probably the kind of person who won't be having a large, well-attended funeral).

Admittedly, the possibilities of your ever needing the will are small, however, so are the chances of your house burning down. Do you have fire insurance? It's the same deal. You hope you never need the will, but you need to have it in place just in case the situation ever arises. Part of being a responsible adult is preparing for the future, and planning for unpleasant contingencies. A will is not expensive, and generally doesn't have to be complicated. I start my wills class next week and hopefully by the end of the semester I will revisit this topic and tell everyone what they need to do to write their own will and make it official. Sorry for a semi-serious post and I promise next time to get back to absurdist, scatalogical ramblings.

Interview

Really good interview with D.L. Hughley is up at the Onion AV Club. If you don't know who he is apart from his role on Studio 60, he's one of the few comedians out there calling things like they are. He found himself in the middle of a controversy earlier this year when he defended Don Imus by saying that the Rutgers Women's Basketball team was, in fact, very ugly. His interview is some of the most refreshing commentary on race relations you will read this year and I highly recommend it. Warning: Interview does contain some profanity.

http://www.avclub.com/content/interview/d_l_hughley

I believe...

I believe....

That Barry Bonds has raped the sport of baseball.

That Harry Potter 7 deserves a Pulitzer Prize

That DeNiro deserves an Oscar for Stardust.

That Hillary Clinton is a Robot.

That the Padres have a shot at the Wild Card even though they have no discernable hitting on their roster.

That Hinder are doing the songs Aerosmith would be doing if they were still alive.

That Lindsay Lohan's personal life is far more entertaining than any movie she has ever done.

That Mitt Romney is unelectable.

That Skip Bayless should not be allowed near a microphone.

That A-Rod will own the homerun record in 5 years.

That the Chargers will be forced to murder their coach before Thanksgiving.

That Larry Bird will be forced out of the Pacers front office, and that Doc Rivers will be suddenly fired, paving the way for Danny Ainge to Bring Larry Legend in as Celtics coach.

That Kobe Bryant will eventually be on trial for murder.

That male perms are going to be a huge fad before the year 2010.

That Osama Bin Laden is dead in a cave in Pakistan.

That George W. Bush and Bill Clinton will both be largely forgotten as unimportant Presidents.

From ESPN.com -- Page 2

Paul's Blog

I can't remember if I have mentioned it or not, but my good friend Paul has a blog and its good. Everyone should go check it out.

http://trivialtidbits.blogspot.com/

Paul is one of those smart types who actually knows how to write, so his posts are actually coherent and well thought out. I urge everyone to visit it and comment on his blog, and don't forget to mention who sent ya!

Harry 7 revisted

Okay, several months ago I wrote my predictions on Harry Potter 7, and I thought that I'd go through and see how close I was. By the way, as far as my thoughts on the book, I absolutely loved it, I'm trying to decide if it is my favorite of the series or not. I have a hard time choosing. Anyway, here are my predictions and my commentary on how accurate they were.

Warning: Here be major spoilers.

Q: Deathly Hallows? WTF?
A: Has to do with the ministry of magic, that's all I'll say.

Uh.... I was kind of right. Okay, not really.

Q: Does Harry die?
A: Sort of.

This one I totally called. Death and resurrection are necessary components for this type of story. Saw the whole mostly dead thing coming from a mile away. That said, the King's Cross chapter is probably my favorite of the entire series as Harry finally got to have the heart to heart that he'd been longing for since the beginning of the story with the only real Father Figure he'd ever had. Plus, the line at the end of the chapter about it being in his head, probably one of the best things ever written.

Q: Is he alive at the end?
A: Yes.

Booyakasha! Can I call them or what. Seriously, did you ever think he would die? What kind of message would that send to children. Far more powerful was the fact that he was willing to die for his friends, and the underlying message that there are things worse than death, and that some things are worth dying for.

Q: Does You-know-who die?
A: Yeah

Well, it was either Harry or Voldemort, who would you have bet on?

Q: Does Harry kill him?
A: No.

True, Big V's own spell killed him.

Q: Ron and Hermione?
A: Still kicking.

Q: Ron and Hemione, do they, you know?
A: Married.

Right on both counts

Q: Harry and Ginny?
A: Also Married. BTW, Ginny turns out to be very important.

Very important, she marries Harry.

Q: Does Harry go back to Hogwarts?
A: Yes.

I didn't say as a student.

Q: Do we get to meet Aberforth Dumbledore?
A: Let's just say that Aberforth, like most people nicknamed Abby, defines the phrase "Bad Mother (expletive)."

Okay, not so much. But he came through in the end.

Q: Does Neville die?
A: Yep, sorry Neville, we hardly knew thee.

Okay, I was wrong. Darn you, Neville. I'd rather have Fred than you.

Q: Does Snape die?
A: Yes

Who called it?

Q: Did Dumbledore order Snape to kill him?
A: Affirmative.

I am clairvoyant.

Q: Did Dumbledore make the right decision trusting Snape?
A: Dumbledore is rarely wrong.

Never doubt Albus

Q: Lupin, does he die?
A: Yes.

I really wanted him to live, and once he had a kid I thought he'd make it, but this guess was right.

Q: Wormtail?
A: Mucho Dead.

You knew that raitor was going to get it.

Q: What happens to Draco Malfoy?
A: Draco's actions will surprise you. Turns out he may have been worth saving. He's left alive at the end.

Once again, I'm brilliant.

Q: Was the ending good? Anti-climactic? More disappointing than a Lemony Snickett novel?
A: Deeply satisfying. All sugar bowls are fully explained, so to speak.

I maintain that this was the best ending to a series since Return of the King.

Q: What is the seventh Horcrux?
A: Don't you mean who?

Q: Was it Harry?
A: Nope, someone who has already died.

Half right. I didn't know you could unintentionally create a horcrux. Forgiveness please.

So, not too bad, mostly right. Thanks again for a great series, J.K. Rowling, I look forward to whatever you do next.

Harry Potter 7

Okay guys, Saturday is Harry Potter 7, if you haven't posted predicitons on what happens then I am demanding that you do so immediately, either in your blog or in the comments section here. Predicitons should include who dies, who lives, whether Snape is evil, and who, if anyone, comes back from the dead, as well as any other relevant events you think might occur in book 7

Update: For some reason, I'm having technical difficulties. This post is not appearing on the blog page when I post it, but people tell me it can still be viewed. This just adds to my theory that my parents internet sucks. Anyway, post them predictions.

Live Earth

Some thoughts on live earth.

I admit it, I watched live earth. My verdict: three or four good performances and a lot of hypocrisy. I think like most people, I really couldn't care less about the political message behind live earth. I just watched it because there were a couple of good bands, but I'm not going to change my behavior because of it. I think it is stupid to think that it made any difference at all. Trying to get a bunch of idiot kids to stop polluting is largely ineffective and a waste of time. Assuming for a moment that climate change is real (it probably is, it's just overstated), the people at live earth were entirely the wrong audience. If everyone there suddenly decided to go green it still wouldn't make any difference. In fact, it wouldn't even begin to offset the pollution caused by hypocritical "enlightened" rock stars as they jet around the earth and live extravagant lifestyles. The fact is, that if you want people to go green, you have to create some incentive for them. People will naturally pollute less if you make it cheaper for them to do so. Otherwise, you can't blame them for polluting. So, let's have fewer concerts and let's work on making a car that doesn't pollute.

As far as the show itself, most of the acts absolutely sucked. I'd never heard of half of the acts, and if I've never heard of a band, they are REALLY flying below the radar. Most of the acts were pop acts that represent everything that people who really like music tend to hate. The non-teeny bopper acts weren't that cool, either. Sorry Al Gore, but just seeing Metallica on stage made me want to burn down a rainforest and eat a california condor. They haven't been cool since they decided to start suing their fans for having the audacity to want to hear their music. There's a special corner in Hell waiting for you, Lars Ulrich, sponsored by Napster.

Likewise, there is nothing impressive about a Madonna concert. Madonna hasn't been musically relevant for years. These days, she's more famous for being Madonna than for any music she's made. Why would anyone want to hear her sing? Also, how much of the ozone layer has been seared off by her flying back and forth to Africa to kidnap little bush children. By the way, when did african orphans become the beanie babies of the rich? Collect one from every disadvantaged country!

Fall Out Boy was there, and established themselves as the least photogenic band since Gwar. Talk about hopping on the bandwagon of rock excess. Moderation guys. Lead singer and guitarist both need to cut a few pounds, and Pete Wentz needs to be treated for tattoo addiction. If one were to judge, you'd think that showers were not required for playing at this show. The songs were good, but I seriously was so distracted by how bad these guys all looked that I hardly noticed the music. I'm begging you guy to get rehab.

As far as bright spots on the line up, there was John Mayer, who is a good enough guitarist that even shows that he phones in are worth watching, did some pretty good stuff. The Grandparents of the Beastie Boys were there and played a show. These guys have not found a way to age gracefully. MCA needs hair dye, badly. Meanwhile, Ad Rock and Mike D are still trying to look like teenagers and it's not happening. Sorry guys, but the 40 year olds on 90210 were more convincing teenagers than you guys.

Foo Fighters showed up and actually did a good job. Dave Grohl was probably the best showman there (more on that in a second) and I think it would be hard for them to play a bad show. Hero and Everlong were true standouts, However, these songs just showed how truly awful the rest of the bands were by comparison.

The most important event of the evening didn't seem to get any press. Yusuf Islam came out and played some of his former hits. Cat F---ing Stevens! That's right, he finally decided that Allah was cool with him playing music. Again, having someone that awesome just illuminated how dreadful everyone else on the bill was.

Ultimately, aside from being a tremendously pretentious failure, the most notable thing about live aid was the bands that didn't show up and play. U2, Radiohead, REM, Coldplay, Green Day, pretty much anyone who is both good AND who enjoyed mainstream success opted not to show up. Where were these guys? You'd think that any of them would have done a benefit concert for global warming. Likewise, where were all of the buzzworthy indie acts and more recent successes like Arctic Monkeys, The Fray, Bright Eyes, The Shins, The Killers, the Strokes, etc? Damien Rice was there, but let's face it, after his last album he'd be lucky to be invited to play at Borders, he wasn't going to turn down this gig. Where were the big name reunions? Led Zeppelin, Simon and Garfunkel, Rage Against the Machine, Cream, Genesis, ABBA, Wings, there are tons of bands who probably could have been convinced to reunite for a worthy cause and bring some publicity to the show. None of that happened. Dude, Gore, I will promise that every car I buy from here on out will be a hybrid, I will recycle everything, and I will install solar panels on my house, and urge all of my friends and family to do the same if you can convince Pink Floyd to reunite and play a set.

So basically, Live Earth was an uncompelling music festival, where the self-congratulating assembled to hear mostly dreadful music with the occasional flash of inspiration. Most of the really good activist bands skipped the show, there were no noteworthy reunions, and no performances by A list indie bands or hot contemporary bands (aside from the donut binged Fall Out Boy). Perhaps this show was the perfect metaphor for modern environmentalism. Bloated, hypocritical, largely unappealing and lacking in substance. Desperate to be taken seriously, but unable to muster many supporters with the street cred to generate widespread interest and intense consensus necessary to bring about change. If your purpose was to change the world Mr. Gore, you failed. If your purpose was to put on a good rock show, you failed miserably.

Dating Myths

Yesterday, we got the "You guys aren't dating enough" speech in priesthood. I'm not going to comment on that, as I'm not going to criticize my church leaders. However, there are certain things that I've heard since I returned from a mission that I don't believe and refuse to accept as truth without any kind of evidence. Here are some of the popular myth's about dating.

Myth #1: Brigham Young said, "Any young man over the age of 25 who isn't married is a menace to society."

Fact: Brigham Young never said this, or anything like it. The closest thing to that statement is one of President Young's Counselor's statement that every man over the age of 18 should take ANOTHER wife, if he was able to. Even if President Young did say that, the context in which he made the statement was completely different. If you didn't like the girl you married, you didn't have to worry about divorce, you just kept dating and found another one. Just try suggesting that in the church today. The fact is, marriage and dating were very different in the age of polygamy. Divorce was also not as big a deal. Brigham Young himself was divorced several times. Often the case was that a brother had taken a wife so she could have claim on him for support, and she found somebody else that she fell in love with, so the original husband granted a divorce so she could remarry, and no hard feelings were had.

In the interest of full disclosure, some of the bretheren have stated that while Pres. Young's statement is of dubious authenticity, they agree with the sentiment. Basically, they don't want people putting off marriage to focus on worldly ambitions. However, a number of general authorities have been married past the age of 25. There is nothing wrong with waiting and marrying the right person in the right place at the right time, as long as you aren't actively avoiding it.

Myth #2: There are tons of attractive girls in the ward who aren't getting asked out.

Fact: Really? Who? Do you have proof of this? I'm not saying this is never true, but I've never seen it. Every time this gets said I ask for a list of these girls who aren't getting asked out and I have never received one. Furthermore, I've heard girls say that they don't get asked out when I know for a fact that they do. When pressed on it, they say, "Oh that wasn't a date, we just went as friends." Uh, did the guy know that? I'm guessing he counted it as a date.

Adding to my doubt is the fact that cute is a highly subjective term. Sorry, but there is no universal standard of cute, aside from Halle Berry. Different people are attracted to different things, and girls that one guy finds cute, are not necessarily going to be attractive to another guy. That is not a comment on the girls, just simply an observation that guys are individualistic in their tastes and desires.

Myth #3: If only the brethren could associate more with the girls in the ward, they would ask more of them out.

Fact: This may be partially true. Sometimes activities are helpful to get to know girls in the ward so that you can avoid the awkwardness of just asking out someone you've never met. However, in many instances, guys know the girls in the ward and have decided that they don't want to date them. A lot of times, girls have met all the guys in the ward and have decided that they don't want to date those losers either! Both of these attitudes are fine. It's okay not to want to date the people in your ward. In fact, it is often a good idea not to, for reasons which will be addressed below. The idea that more ward activities will somehow make people spontaneously develop an attraction to each other is just silly. It's not like they don't know where to find each other. If they wanted to go out, they'd generally go up and ask them out.

Myth #4 Dating in your ward is a good idea.

Fact: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Yeah, right. Okay, dating in your ward is fine, and there is nothing wrong with it, provided that both you and the person you are dating are mature human beings who are capable of behaving like adults should anything happen. However, realize that if anything should go wrong, you are probably going to have to move wards, probably to another side of town. If you do date someone in the ward, realize that you are dating in a fishbowl, your relationship is on display and everyone in the ward is going to scrutinize it. If there is a breakup and it goes badly, the guy is going to trash talk the girl to the whole Elders' Quorum, and the girl is going to badmouth the dude to the whole relief society, and in the court of public opinion you are often guilty until proven innocent and there are no appeals. Worse still, if you have mutual friends, then they feel like they have to pick sides. You run the risk of not just losing a girlfriend/boyfriend, you may lose your entire group of friends. I'm not saying this is always the case, I'm saying it can be, and you should watch out.

Myth #5: Dating is cheap.

Fact: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Are you serious? Anyone who says that and means it has not been on a first date in years. It is true that there are several low cost dates that one can have. Generally, these don't work as first dates. The dollar movie from redbox and a bag of popcorn doesn't usually fly for a first date. Likewise, the other cheap stuff generally works best with people you are already dating (such as running or going to the gym, going for a walk, etc). True, you can sometimes get away with a hike, or mooch off your friend who owns a rafting company, or go to a fireside (does that count as a real date? I vote no) etc, but most of the time, you are going to have to spend money on a first date. You are probably going to do something like dinner and bowling, or playing pool, or some kind of activity like that. All total, that date is going to cost you at least $30 not including gas. You go on one first date a week, and that is $120 you are spending a month on first dates. Some would say the solution is "well, go on more second dates." Ha! Thank you snide observer who is clearly out of touch with the realities of dating. Thanks to the leadership hammering the sisters with the "You should never say no to a first date" mentality, girls will always give you a "courtesy date" even when they find you about as attractive as pig vomit. So the girl happily says yes, lets you blow your money one her, fakes that she had a good time, and then when she turns you down for a second date you are shocked and feel stupid, and have to go out on yet another first date with a girl who probably isn't interested in you. Much less painful, girls, would be, "Thank you, but I'm kind of busy that weekend." If a girl really is busy that weekend, and would like to go out another time, then she should say "can we go out another time?" If she's not interested, she shouldn't say that. Unless the guy is an idiot (sadly, many are) then he'll get the message. Girls, if he doesn't get the message, it is okay to say that you are totally not into him. He forced you to say it, and he needs to hear it. If you really want to let him down easy, suggest a girl that you know likes him, but only if there really is someone who likes him. Not every frog is capable of turning into a prince, and maybe saying no will get the guy to think about making some changes to make himself more attractive.

Bottom line, it is not doing the guy a favor to let him spend his money on you when you don't like him. It's patronizing and cruel. This isn't young womens and the guy isn't a 16 year old priest. Grow up, turn him down, and let him ask out someone who actually likes him.

iPhone

Apologies for the lack of blog updates. Unfortunately, my summer job is really interesting, which means I don't have a lot of downtime to blog. I promise to work on an actual posting sometime in the near future, but for now, here's some iPhone related links (and no, I will not be buying one. There's nothing in the world that could ever get me to sign a contract with cingular. The Celtics will fire Doc Rivers and re-hire Rick Pitino before that happens).

Cost of owning the iPhone over time:

http://blog.wired.com/gadgets/2007/06/iphone-total-co.html

The best ways to get out of your cell phone contract (having sold phones, I can personally attest to most of these):

http://www.wired.com/gadgets/wireless/news/2007/06/iphone_howto


Also, all of you face bookers might find the following link interesting:

http://www.freakonomics.com/blog/2007/06/27/myspace-v-facebook-the-class-divide/

That's all folks, I'll post more later this week.

Fast Food

These guys have way too much time on their hands.

http://www.thewvsr.com/adsvsreality.htm

Grades

I have only one thing to say to my Professors. It's time to replace whatever Ouija Board you guys are using to come up with grades. Yours is clearly broken. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.