Review and Comment on the News (Illustrated)

For the week of April 6-April 12, 2009. Here is my review and comment on a few of the newsworthy events of the past week. Prepare to have your mind blown to pieces by the sweet embrace of truth.

Issue #1

PIRATES!

Somalia is one happening place. The somali's dig the retro trend in a big way and over the past week they've been partying like it's 1599. Somali Pirates have apparently made the genius move of attacking american ships, and are now holding an american sea captian hostage.

While most people tend to think of pirates as romantic figures of the pre colonial era, they in fact have continued on pillaging and plundering up through modern times. In fact, pirates have recently enjoyed a dramatic resurgence in popularity due to scarce law enforcement along the coasts of poorer nations, and throught the propagandist efforts of the Disney Corporation.

Perhaps we would have realized that pirates were not the cute, cuddly figures of mythic lore if we'd studied actual history and learned about all the raping and murdering, or maybe we should have figured out that pirates were lame when the second two movies sucked like a hoover vacuum cleaner (seriously, the witch was a 90 foot tall sea monster? was that plotline even necessary? Keira Knightly is a pirate king? Orlando Bloom is straight? I'm sorry, but suspension of belief only goes so far).

This entire subplot made no sense. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here!

Anyway, we've now discovered that pirates are not our friends, and they are, in fact, very bad. Once again, we've been misled by the liberal, elitist media, which would have you belive that pirates looked like this:

When they really look like this:

Way to really go after those facts, big media! The Pirates are now apparently back on their ship, holding the captain of the American vessel as a hostage. To the captain's credit, he staged a nearly successful escape from his captors. He was caught swimming away and dragged back, but darnit, at least the dude fought off a bunch of scummy pirates first. The news outlets have not released the name of this incredibly bada** captain, put according to our artists he looks something like this:

Here at simsisms we would like to express our confidence that the captain will escape the somali pirates and discover what lies in the shadow of the statue. He's that good. As for the pirates, they are not exactly well trained, fast running out of food and water, and they have run out of fuel for their ship. By the way, they're also surrounded by a pissed of american navy. We don't really give these guys much of a chance. In fact, we've put our best scientists to work coming up with what it would take to get the Pirates out of this jam:

Sorry guys, I'm guessing you don't have one of these aboard the ship. Rest in Peace.

Issue #2

Michelle Obama grows disgusting food

Pop Quiz time boys and girls. This quiz is one question long, and here it is. Who do you trust to tell you if food is safe to eat:

a) Scientists

or


b) Hippies

Now hold on, before you make your choice, I want you to consider some things. Remember that science gave us this guy:

Whereas hippies gave us this guy:

Hold on, there's more. Greatest accomplishment of science?

That's right, they put a man on the freaking moon. Greatest accomplishment of Hippies?

So, once again, who's judgement would you trust more, Scientists or hippies? If you picked the first choice, you are not Michelle Obama.

It's no secret that we here at simsisms oppose the organic food movement on the grounds that it is stupid. It's worse than stupid, because its advocates have discouraged famine nations from accepting genetically modified food as well as other food assistance because the evil bogeyman of "harmful toxins" could cause health problems or (gasp) damage the environment. Interestingly enough, you know the most frequent cause of death among people who have no food? That's right, it's STARVATION. Let's do the math on this: food treated with manmade pesticides = no scientificly proven danger. Organic foods which cannot be grown in sufficient supply to feed enough people = many people die of starvation.

So, this week, Michelle Obama announced her plans to plant a garden of organic food to meet the vegetable needs of the White House. Look, she even took kids on a tour through the garden.

Don't lie. That's pretty freaking cute and cuddly. No wonder Opera loves her.

We see nothing wrong with planting a garden, we just object to the brainwashing pro-organic speech that she gave afterwords. I hate to keep harping on this but I can't understand why an obviously educated and intelligent person would put stock in the whole organic food nonsense that science tells us is bunk. The same people who will beat you over the head with "science"whenever Darwin or Global Warming are mentioned seem to casually disregard actual science when it comes to things like so called "organic food." Again, we wouldn't have a problem with this if it didn't help further the radical agenda of a militant group of extremists who are content to let whole nations starve rather than take science's word that really, seriously, the food is safe. Make up your mind people, either you believe science or you don't.

Issue #3

Obama bows to the Saudis

This is one of those rare issues where we get to take both the left and right to task for being stupid. Earlier this week, Obama met with the Saudi leadership and caused an outrage when he bowed to them. When the people called him out on it, Pres. Obama had the audacity to deny that it had ever happened. Apparently, Pres. Obama did not realize that things that occur at a photo opportunity are often...you know....PHOTOGRAPHED and that there would be both pictures and videotape of him bowing.

Sorry, Mr. President. That is a bow. Nice try though. Way to show people that you are a different kind of politician, one who would never lie and is all about change. Well done.

Now that we've appropriately taken the president to task for being a liar, let's turn this around and ask his opponents, "WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?" I mean, of all the possible criticisms to lob at the guy, you choose THIS? Let's take a quick look at other things that the President has screwed up that you should be harping on instead-

South Korea launches long range missles on Obama's watch- Legitimate Gripe





Iran is still developing nuclear weapons- Legitimate Gripe.




Banks posted record profits with our money- Legitimate Gripe



Campaigning on a platform of ending the war in Iraq and then adding more troops and admitting that Bush was right and that we can't leave until Iraq is stable- Legitimate Gripe.

All of these are legitmate things that Obama dropped the ball on. Bowing to the Saudis just doesn't seem relevant. Especially when you consider what the last guy did when he met with the Saudis.

What's this photoshop I keep hearing about? I know not of what you speak.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the right-wingers have a point on this. The President is the leader of the free world. It is a disgrace to have him bow down to anyone. It betrays the republic and it shames us all. In fact, I'll agree with the critics on this. Any president who would bow down to someone is unworthy to hold the office and should resign in disgrace.

That's it for now, see ya next week, kiddos!

Time for another illustrated review and comment on the news. Prepare yourself, as I take all that you know about your world, and comment snarkishly upon it. Prepare...to go over the edge.

1. The Economy

First and foremost on everyone's mind these days, except for the president (too busy weeping over his lame NCAA bracket), is the colossal mass of flaming goat excrement that is the remains of our economy. For those of you joining this crisis late, let's recap what's gone on:

a) In order to convince banks to loan to less credit worthy people, the government pressured banks to engage in subprime lending.

b) The federal reserve kept interest rates inexplicably low for decades.

c) Years of prosperity left investors world wide with trillions of dollars to invest and seeking a safe investment.

d) People realized that U.S. real estate almost never decreased in value over the long term, and even if a borrower didn't pay back a loan, there was still a brick and mortar secured asset which meant any money you loaned was insanely safe.

e) Financial types bought the rights to people's mortgages, bundled them all together, and sold pieces of the mortages to different investors. As the homeowner made the interest payments, the investor got a return on his investment.

f) Investors were so happy with their investments that they demanded more mortgages to invest in.

g) Loan companies lowered the standards to qualify for loans so that pretty much anyone could get a home loan, regardless of whether they had assets or even a job. Many of these loans had an adjustable rate, with a very low rate for the first months of the loan that then went way up later.

h) Financial types realized these loans were shaky, so they sold pieces of risky loans together with not-so-risky loans so that the investments looked good to the unsuspecting buyer.

i) everyone was buying so much real estate that demand went up, which drove prices way up.

j) prices for homes went up, which meant the value of everyone's home went way up. This meant a lot of people had more equity in their homes.

k) Unsavory lenders and greedy homeowners took out loans against all the equity they had in their house. People were convinced to go invest that money in the stock market, or the less savvy went and bought boats, play stations, cars, and gold plated bathroom tissue to flaunt their newly acquired wealth.

l) Realizing that Social Security was basically a giant government mandated ponzi scheme, baby boomers started pouring money into 401(k)'s and IRA's, which were linked to the stock market.

m) the stock market, fueled by these investment dollars soared, many people were happy, and investors kept looking for more places to put their money

n) around Valentines Day of 2007, Investment groups started noticing that people were defaulting on mortgage payments shortly after moving into their houses. Some weren't even able to make their first mortgage payments. Savvy investment types started closely looking at what they had been buying for their investor clients. After they went home to change their now soiled pants, the investment types called the financial types and politely told them that they would not be buying any more loans.

0) Financial types realized they were deeply screwed.

p) People started defaulting on loans and filing for bankruptcy in record numbers. Banks that held these mortgages realized they were deeply screwed. Not having any money left to lend, banks started declining money to anyone. About this time, I bought an Altima.

q) While consumers were losing their houses, the government was content to sit on its golden toilet seat and watch the whole thing unfold on the 96" plasma TV the government had mounted to its bathroom wall, whilst wiping its rear end with $100 bills and smoking cigars made out of illegal immigrant tax contributions.

r) Suddenly, companies started missing debt payments, resulting in the payout of massive credit swaps. Credit swaps are complicated and difficult to explain, but the basic thrust is that its similar to a life insurance policy that you can take out on someone else's debts (when they default, you get paid), sell to another person, and is not regulated in any way by the government. In fact regulation was expressly rejected by congress on a 96-0 vote (how's that for bipartisanship). At it's height, there was about 30x more liabilities than assets represented by credit swaps. Credit swaps were purchased from many sources, but one of the largest was money contributed to money market accounts, supposedly one of the safest type of accounts you could have because they never returned a loss.

s) The biggest money market holder posted a loss, which meant rich people were losing money. banks were now unwilling to lend money to pretty much anyone, and our debt glutted economy began to screech to a halt. Since rich, campaign contributing people were losing money, the government decided that it was appalled and went into panic mode.

t) The government decided to give a ton of money to banks so that they would lend the money out and credit would start moving again. The banks took their money, and promptly didn't lend it to anyone.

u) AIG, the largest holder of credit swaps, announced that it was about to go under, and threatened to hurt lots of rich campaign contributors if it went, so the government gave it a ton of money. AIG promptly gave its executives large bonuses and congratulated them for having sucha good year.

v) the auto industry announced that it was going under, and that if it went out of business the UAW would no longer be able to donate to DNC re-election campaigns, so the government gave them a ton of money. A number of people, myself included, called shenanigans at this point, said that we should force the automakers into Bankruptcy and said that they would just need more money later if we didn't.

w) Barack Obama is elected president, promises bi-partisanship, a solution to people losing their houses, lower taxes, and to restore the confidence of the market.

x) Barack Obama takes office, tells republicans to go screw themselves, does nothing to save a single home foreclosure, raises taxes, and destroys confidence in the market until it drops below 7000.

y) Barack Obama appoints a tax dodging nincompoop as treasury secretary, prints trillions of dollars for banks, fills out the lamest NCAA bracket in history, and continues to ignore homewoners.

z) Obama administration is shocked, SHOCKED, when the auto makers return and say they need more money. Considers forcing them into bankruptcy, $30 billion dollars after everyone else said that they should.

This review was not fact checked in any way and contains glaring inaccuracies. Sorry, it was all taken off the top of my head. Which brings us to where we are today. On the brink of what may very well be a depression. Obviously nothing on the scale of the Great Depression, but still, pretty stinking bad. What's more, we've been here for over two years and the prevailing wisdom among both parties in the government is that we can somehow spend our way out of this. Here's a pictoral representation of what continued undisciplined spending will bring.

More Unemployment

Inflation

Continued losses in the market

Possible death of the dollar

When are our president, and the incredibly clueless mr. Geithner going to wake up? We cannot print enough money to end this recession. We have to end the madness. Stop giving money to companies that are failures. I know giving money to failures seems counter intuitive to a group that is dedicated to public schools, but I think it is time to admit that throwing good money after bad in this case is just not working. Also, maybe the administration might want to reconsider its continued war on people with money. Who exactly do you think is going to pay for this recovery you want to have, Mr. Obama? Cause it's not going to be the minimum wage workers. Instead of worrying about fairly getting money to everyone, worry about getting money into the hands of people who can spend it. We have to end our current economic policy, which can best be described as:

2. Continued Foreclosure Crisis.

For those wondering, yes, I do read www.BlackCommentator.com regularly. But back to the issue. We're two years into this mess, and how many homes have we saved? Zero. We need to accept that until the housing market is stabilized, we're not going to start a recovery. The housing market is not going to stabilize until we get these recently built homes into the hands of people who can afford them. This is why I support, and you should support, the current bill that will allow bankruptcy judges to modify the mortgages on debacle-era homes, and if necessary reduce the principal on loans so that the owners can afford to keep their homes.

Will this lead to an increase in bankruptcy filings? Maybe. But, until we get the housing market stabilized there is no real economic recovery in sight. Until the houses are in the hands of people who can afford to own them, there will be no stability. We can either make them affordable to the people who currently own them in a relatively short period of time, or we can drag this out for years, as new wave of people finally run out of the means to pay for their overpriced house. I for one prefer that we get this over with quickly, stabilize the market, and move on.

I know a lot of people think that this is ridiculously unfair to the lenders. Why should they have to absorb a loss just because some schmo bought a home he couldn't afford. Well, ignoring the fact that the lenders have already been given a trillion dollars they don't deserve, let's talk about investing. A loan is an investment. Like any other investment a loan carries risk. You are NEVER guaranteed a return on an investment; housing is no different. These loans were made with the understanding that they were risky investments and this time the imprudent investors are going to get taken to the cleaners.

Besides, the lenders are already going to be hit with those losses. Right now its a matter of whether they are going to take the loss when they go through an expensive foreclosure process, take possession of the home and then sell the home for a loss on the open market and write off the loss. A mortgage cramdown (where a judge rewrites a loan) means that the bank takes the loss it was probably going to take anyway, but it avoids the foreclosure process and the debtor gets to keep the home. Banks can actually come out BETTER in this scenario because they will be getting the appraisal value for the house, whereas most houses being sold on the market today are actually going for below market value. Banks also get to save on the cost of the foreclosure. This is one of the reasons why many of the big banks have now embraced the idea of mortgage cramdowns.

It's not about fair anymore, it's about what works.

3. AIG

Speaking of things that don't work, let's talk about AIG. Believe it or not, I don't have any problem with AIG executives getting a massive bonus. I have a problem with us having given AIG any money in the first place. It's a failed company that ran around and staked it's future on risky ventures. It took a risk and should have to pay. As for the bonuses, I find it wholly disingenuous for the government to bend over backwards to allow these executives to get their bonuses, and then act shocked when the whole thing comes to light. I find it even more unethical to pass an ex post facto law (which the constitution prohibits, if memory serves) to tax those bonuses as a way of congress covering its own screw up. I don't care if the supreme court backs this law, it is wholly unamerican to single out a group for punishment that did nothing illegal.

On the subject of bonuses, let's talk about congress for a minute. Congress gave itself a payraise this past term, and gave out bonuses to its staff. As far as I am concerned, the failed workers of a failed government are far less deserving of a reward than the failed workers of a failed company. AIG lost billions, Congress has cost us TRILLIONS. So much money that our children's children will be saddled with the debt. If anyone should be giving back salary and bonuses, it is this congress.

4. Auto Bailout

Months ago, when the American Automakers showed up with designer hat in hand to ask for a bailout, pretty much anyone with half a brain (Mitt Romney), and even some people with less than half a brain (me) said we should tell them to pound sand and head over to the Bankruptcy court. We were told that was not an option, the economy wold hopelessly dies, etc. etc. Now, we're hearing reports that the automakers might be forced into bankruptcy. Nice going, government. Couldn't you have reached this conclusion BEFORE we gave them 30 billion dollars?

5. Gay Marriage in Iowa

Not content to accept the overwhelming will of the people, God, or even the dictionary Iowa has decided to allow gays to marry. As a student of the law (by student, I mean one who plays spider solitaire continuously while an angry lesbian lawyer rambles on) I am continually amazed at judges who substitute their own will for the will of the people and 6000 years of accepted moral history. Even societies which tolerated homosexual relationships did not afford them the status of a marriage. Period. But this is the internet, let's not judge positions based on rational argument and thought. Let's judge them by the people associated with each idea. First, let's look at the leading advocates of gay marriage:

Now, let's look at the leading opponent of gay marriage:

Sure, one is the Savior and Redeemer of mankind, but the other one, she had a talk show. She clearly must be qualified to dictate social policy.

And yes, God is anti-gay marriage. Remember Sodom and Gommorah? Here's a rough picture of what they look like now.

I'm guessing, and this is only a guess, that if he felt that strongly about the issue 4000 years ago, that he probably hasn't changed his views that drastically. Of course you are free to disagree with me, but the fact remains that no society has ever recognized a gay marriage, the majority of Americans OPPOSE gay marriage, and there is nothing in the law which permits or calls for it. If you doubt me, take the argument to the supreme court and just see how well that one goes. You are firmly, undeniably, and completely in the wrong and you need to accept it and back off. As for me, I'm officially marking down Iowa as a state to avoid. I predict a smiting in its future.

6. NCAA Tournament

Here at simsisms, we don't have a lot of time to follow sports, which is probably a good thing because if we'd watched the Padres last season we might have been forced to commit Hari Kari. However, we do like to keep up on what is going on. We were very glad to see that UConn finally got eliminated, and that UNLV didn't even make the tournament.

As for the championship game, if the lead picture didn't give you some idea of who we are pulling for, maybe this will:

Sorry, I can't stand Hanbrough. He's an over-rated hemophiliac and I can't see him amounting to much in the NBA. As much as it pains me to root for a team in Michigan, I gotta cheer for the underdog in this one. Also, while we're on the subject of Michigan, I found this picture, which I would like to publicily dedicate to my friend Nick.

As far as both teams go, I hope it is a good close game, and that the players enjoy this once in a lifetime experience. Go live it up afterwards, too. The nation understands that athletes train hard and are intensely dedicated. If you guys need to blow off some steam, don't worry, no one will look down on you. This country treats its star athletes like kings.

Or maybe not.

Sorry for the lengthy post. Feel free to leave a comment on the many controversial, strange, and frankly, wrong things I've just written about.

Washington Post Op-Ed

Richard Cohen's great Op-Ed article pleading for the government to let GM and Chrysler fall into Bankruptcy.

The Wheels Are Off

Stop Pouring Money Into GM and Chrysler

By Richard Cohen

Tuesday, March 31, 2009; Page A17

When I was around 12, I was a paperboy for the now-defunct Long Island Press. One Thursday, when the paper was heavy with shopping inserts, a storm hit, and my papers and I wound up in a puddle. My customers would not pay for a paper not delivered, and the Press insisted on billing for those I had received. The CFO of my company, a.k.a. my father, took one look at my books and pronounced me bankrupt. He would say the same thing about General Motors and Chrysler.

This is not a complicated concept. GM and Chrysler do not have the money to pay their bills. They are, in fact, deeply in debt and have almost depleted the $17.4 billion the federal government -- which is to say, you and I -- lent them only last December. Now they are asking for billions of dollars more -- $16.6 billion for GM and $5 billion for Chrysler. Life itself instructs that it will not end there.

The Obama administration has warned both companies that it may let them sink into bankruptcy. In the meantime, though, more money is probably on the way -- along with some cosmetic management changes. Rick Wagoner, GM's chief executive of blessed memory, has already been pushed out, and the company's directors are heading in the same direction. Still, somebody -- God only knows who -- is supposed to come up with yet another plan to save GM and do it in 60 days. Maybe they'll outsource it.

It beats me whether either company can be saved. Both have proved themselves to be singularly incompetent over the years, but lately, some brain waves have been detected. GM, in particular, has been developing energy-efficient cars and, according to the administration's auto task force, could survive if it further cuts its expenses. Chrysler, in contrast, can survive only if it more or less merges with Fiat -- a company once renowned for poor management. See: Anything can happen.

Here I must introduce Tim Geithner, the hapless-cum-brilliant secretary of the Treasury. He not only proves that conventional wisdom is a half-truth but that in certain matters, it is best to be first. Geithner got confirmed by the Senate even though he had failed to pay some taxes; Tom Daschle later had to withdraw his Cabinet nomination for a similar offense. As always, timing is everything.

So it is with this auto industry bailout. It comes too late. It comes after the government has substantially taken over some big banks and that financial house of horrors called AIG. Taxpayers are now in hock for trillions of dollars, some of it incurred to bail out the thieves and rascals who bought $1,000 bottles of Cristal champagne at New York clubs or put the GDP of small nations up their noses. With the various stimulus packages, we are adding $9.3 trillion in debt over the next 10 years.

The auto industry is not only late to the table, it comes with a bad rep. We may not understand what AIG did -- what's a credit-default swap, anyway? -- but we sure as hell know what GM did: It made a lot of lousy cars. So did Ford and Chrysler. They made cars with utter contempt for the customer. The industry at one time even opposed seat belts and air bags, and it designed cars that were not safe. I know things have changed, but I remember. I remember.

Finally, we have yet another application of the Geithner Rule. Recall his confused explanations of how he learned of those AIG bonuses. Those of us who cannot find our keys in the morning ought to have nothing but sympathy for a man who is now running a large part of the American economy. Of course, he might not have been paying attention. He can't pay attention to everything.

This is where bankruptcy comes in. It slows things down. It's a mechanism. It's a process. It takes things step by step. It has been designed for situations such as the one the auto manufacturers face. It puts things into court and out of the political arena, where both the United Auto Workers and the Big Three can play the lobbying game. Bankruptcy can save the industry.

Is there a downside? Sure. No one knows whether anyone will buy the cars of a bankrupt company. (The government could guarantee the warranties.) Will it further hurt the economy? Probably, but who really knows? But bankruptcy acknowledges a reality -- GM and Chrysler are broke. I wish them luck -- but no more of my money.

Failure, Canada Style.

Cellphone jamming principal forced to retreat at B.C. high school
Device illegal in Canada, students point out

CBC News
Many schools across Canada have banned cellphones from classrooms. Many schools across Canada have banned cellphones from classrooms.

The battle between students and teachers over the use of cellphones in schools reached new heights in B.C. when a school principal installed an electronic jamming device to stop the ring tones, the chatter and the text messaging.

Steve Gray, the principal in Port Hardy Secondary School on the north coast of Vancouver Island, was frustrated that a cellphone ban in his school wasn't working.

"We banned them a couple of years ago and that doesn't seem to have stopped the problem," Gray told CBC News on Monday.

"When there are cellphones in use, there is a constant background of 'Please put your cellphone away. Please give me your cellphone,'" Gray told CBC News.

So about a month ago he went online and bought a device from China to jam the signals.
Electronic warfare

Last week the device, which Gray described as a little box with four antennas, arrived from China, and he plugged it into the wall in the school library.

"I thought we'd do a little experiment and see what happens," he said.

"It was astonishing how it worked.… Two-thirds of the school instantly shut down for cellphone use. The teachers were very happy. Students were wondering what was going on," he said.

"Many students said, 'Yeah, you have done the right thing,'" said Gray.

Many others, however, were irate, and on Thursday a group of students refused to return to class after lunch, claiming their rights had been taken away, said Gray.

The students informed the principal the jamming device was illegal in Canada, and Gray had to pull the plug.

Now he's back to the frustration of an ineffective cellphone ban.

"It's not easy to enforce, because, you know a cellphone in your pocket, it's impossible to know it's there, and it's always on, always ready to be used," he said.
Toronto has largest ban

In Toronto, school trustee Josh Matlow understands the principal's frustration, but he said with proper enforcement cellphone bans can work.

Matlow introduced Canada's largest ban two years ago across 560 public schools. He acknowledges that some students still break the rules, but says fewer are using phones inside the classroom.

"If they are caught using it in the classroom, the teacher is allowed to confiscate the cellphone. Certainly, in most cases they get a warning, and they are told to turn it off," he said.

In New York City schools, students are banned from having cellphones on school property, but Matlow said that violates their right to contact parents on the way to and from school.

Instead, he urges school boards in Canada to go as far as they can to ban cellphones in the classroom — without breaking the law.

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Good News for Young Recessionistas!

Under 35? Hurray for the meltdown!

If you're a young adult, the economic clouds have silver linings: You've got time to recover from the market's losses, and you can snag a great deal on your first house.

By Liz Pulliam Weston

MSN Money

If you're 35 or older, the financial crisis may seem to have no upside. Your retirement funds, home equity, job prospects and credit lines have withered so much that it's hard to focus on anything but what you've lost.

If you're young, though, the biggest threat to your future financial security isn't the current crisis. Your greatest risk is that fear will cause you to miss some once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.

Consider:

Houses are on sale. Home prices are down 27% from their July 2006 peaks, according to the S&P/Case-Shiller Home Price Indices, and values have fallen more than 40% in some areas. That's a bummer for current homeowners but a boon for those just starting out who can now afford better homes and neighborhoods than they could have just a few years ago.

Could home prices drop further? Of course they could, and they probably will, because the foreclosure crisis is far from over. But right now:

• Interest rates are still near generational lows but are likely to shoot up once the recovery begins.

• The Internal Revenue Service will give you an $8,000 tax credit if you buy before Dec. 1.

You shouldn't buy if you can't stay put for at least five years. And you should read "3 bad reasons to buy a home." But if you're where you want to live and can afford the costs, there may never be a better time to buy.

Stocks are on sale. Yeah, yeah, you've heard this before -- and heard it discounted by pundits who measure "long term" in weeks or months. So let's be clear: You've got at least 30 years until retirement, and an investment in stocks, as measured by the benchmark Standard & Poor's 500 Index, has never lost money in any 30-year period. Far from it. Even those who invested before and during the Great Depression, when stock indexes plunged by up to 90%, eventually came out ahead:

30-year period	Average annual return*	30-year period	Average annual return
1928-1958	8.47%	1935-1965	12.00%
1929-1959	9.20%	1936-1966	10.53%
1930-1960	10.27%	1937-1967	12.93%
1931-1961	13.27%	1938-1968	12.31%
1932-1962	13.25%	1939-1969	11.99%
1933-1963	12.40%	1940-1970	12.53%
1934-1964	13.03%

*As measured by the S&P 500 Index at year-end

Source: T. Rowe Price

Here's another way to look at it: Much has been made of the fact that the S&P 500 has fallen more than 50% from its peak, to under 800. Thirty years ago, the S&P was under 100.

Could stock prices fall more? Of course they could.

But to think stocks will never recover is kind of ridiculous. Yes, there are some doomsayers who are predicting the end of the financial world, with a complete worldwide collapse. But there have always been folks forecasting financial apocalypse, and they've always been wrong.

What's really going on is the flip side of the bubble. As human beings, we erroneously think that whatever happened recently will continue indefinitely. In good times, we decide that dot-com and real-estate prices can only go up. In bad times, we make the same mistake in the opposite direction.

What you shouldn't do is sit on the sidelines until it's "safe" to get back into the market. By the time the economy is clearly in recovery mode, the market will have made big gains, and you'll have missed out.

Credit is tight. How the heck is that a blessing? Unlike your unwise elders, you won't be able to borrow your way into trouble, at least for a while. You may actually learn to live within your means.

That's a big reversal from a couple of years ago, when lenders were pelting virtually everyone with credit cards, auto loans and outsized mortgages. Today the pendulum has swung so far in the other direction that you really need your financial ducks in a row to get a loan. (Read "Need a loan? Borrow like it's 1975" for details.)

The good news: Everybody's cutting back these days, and the national savings rate has jumped to 5%, so you won't stand out if you're careful with your money.

Where to start

That means it's a great time to:

Get in the habit of saving. A financial cushion is essential now that you can't just borrow your way out of a jam. Read "Why you need $500 in the bank" for starters. If you're saving for a home, shoot for at least a 10% down payment plus three months' worth of mortgage payments before you buy. ("The end of the 0% down payment" tells you more about why.) Want to buy a car? A 20% down payment is good -- 50% is even better -- because plunging resale values can leave you "upside-down" if you pay less ("What a car wreck could cost you" has details). Really smart folks pay cash for their cars and drive them until the wheels fall off. Owning your cars for 10 years instead of five can save you more than a quarter-million bucks over your lifetime.

Pay your credit card balances in full. This was always the best way, but it's crucial now that issuers are slashing limits and raising rates with little or no justification. If you don't charge more than you can pay off when the bill comes, you won't be at the mercy of mercenary lenders. This one habit can make a world of difference in your financial life, leaving you richer and at far less risk of bankruptcy.

Work on your credit scores. These little three-digit numbers have never been more critical than they are today. If you have good scores, you still have access to cheap loans and the best rewards cards. If you don't, you're in a world of hurt. Read "Raise your credit score to 740" and "7 fast fixes for your credit score" for more.

Cheerfully Stolen from msn.com

Epic Failure Prediction

Stolen from CNBC.COM (Screw You, Jon Stewart).

Treasurys Are 'Disaster Waiting to Happen': Dr. Doom

The Federal Reserve has no option but to start buying Treasurys as the government's needs for financing are huge, but the government bond market is a disaster in the making, Marc Faber, editor and publisher of The Gloom, Boom & Doom Report, told CNBC.

Federal Reserve policymakers start a two-day meeting on Tuesday, weighing options on how to spur lending to help cash-strapped consumers kickstart the economy.

Economists expect them to leave rates at zero and look to other ways of boosting liquidity, such as buying government bonds – a measure which has already been taken by the Bank of England.

"Well I think other central banks have done it already around the world but basically what it amounts to is money printing and in fact I don't think that it will help the bond market at all in the long run," Faber told CNBC's Martin Soong.

The yield on the 30-year Treasurys touched a low of 2.51 percent last year in December but now it is back up at 3.77 percent, he said.

"Yields have already backed up pretty substantially and I tell you, I think the US government bond market is a disaster waiting to happen for the simple reason that the requirements of the government to cover its fiscal deficit will be very, very high," Faber said.

"The Federal Reserve will have to buy Treasurys, otherwise yields will go up substantially," he said, adding that as their reserves were dwindling, foreign investors were likely to scale down their purchases.

But there will be a time when the Federal Reserve will have to increase interest rates to fight inflation, and it will be reluctant to do so because the cost of servicing government debt will rise substantially.

"So we'll go into high inflation rates one day," Faber said.

The stock market is likely to continue its bounce at least for a while, but the outlook is bleak, he added.

"I think we may still have a rally (in the S&P) until about the end of April and probably then a total collapse in the second half of the year sometimes, when it becomes clear that the economy is a total disaster," Faber said.

© 2009 CNBC.com

Stupid Judge Watch

Wake judge orders home schoolers into public classrooms

Posted: Mar. 12, 2009
Updated: Mar. 14, 2009

Raleigh, N.C. — A judge in Wake County said three Raleigh children need to switch from home school to public school. Judge Ned Mangum is presiding over divorce proceeding of the children's parents, Thomas and Venessa Mills.

Venessa Mills was in the fourth year of home schooling her children who are 10, 11 and 12 years old. They have tested two years above their grade levels, she said.

"We have math, reading; we have grammar, science, music,” Venessa Mills said.

Her lessons also have a religious slant, which the judge said was the root of the problem.

"My teaching is strictly out of the Bible, and it's very clear. It is very evident so I just choose to follow the Bible,” Venessa Mills said.

In an affidavit filed Friday in the divorce case, Thomas Mills stated that he "objected to the children being removed from public school." He said Venessa Mills decided to home school after getting involved with Sound Doctrine church "where all children are home schooled."

Thomas Mills also said he was "concerned about the children's religious-based science curriculum" and that he wants "the children to be exposed to mainstream science, even if they eventually choose to believe creationism over evolution."

In an oral ruling, Mangum said the children should go to public school.

"He was upfront and said that, 'It's not about religion.' But yet when it came down to his ruling and reasons why, 'He said this would be a good opportunity for the children to be tested in the beliefs that I have taught them,'" Venessa Mills said.

All sides agree the children have thrived with home school, and Vanessa Mills thinks that should be reason enough to continue teaching at home.

"I cannot sit back and allow this to happen to other home schoolers. I don't want it happening to my children,” Venessa Mills said.

Mangum said he wouldn't talk with WRAL News Thursday about the details of the case because he hasn't issued a written ruling yet. He said he expected to sign it in a few weeks.

An estimated 71,566 students were taught at home during the 2007-08 school year, according to figures released by the state Division of Non-Public Education. The enrollment amounts to about 4 percent of students ages 7 to 16 in North Carolina – students in that age range are required by state law to attend school. About two-thirds of the schools classified themselves as religious schools.

Home school students and their parents plan to come to Raleigh on March 24 to lobby at the state Legislature. They want to demonstrate they have a strong voice regarding education.

• Reporter: Valonda Calloway
• Photographer: Greg Clark
• Web Editor: Minnie Bridgers

News I stole from NBC

Gregg: Budget forecast a lie

Posted: Thursday, March 12, 2009 12:55 PM by Domenico Montanaro
Filed Under: White House, Congress, Republicans

From NBC’s Ken Strickland
It was obvious to most Capitol Hill insiders why President Obama wanted Republican Judd Gregg as a member of his cabinet: He's one of the sharpest money-minds in Congress.

But instead of getting Gregg's counsel within the administration, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner found himself today of the receiving end of Gregg's fiscal conservative wrath.

In a hearing before the Senate Budget Committee Gregg dressed down Geithner with facts, figures, and charts. While always keeping his cool, the exchange was somewhere between a mother's scolding, a drill sergeant's questioning and an attorney's cross examination.

In his opening statement, Gregg politely called the administration's budget forecast a lie.

"The argument that it cuts the debt in half in four years is, ahh, is truly spurious," he told Geithner.

President Obama himself gives Gregg's comments a sense of stinging credibility. When the president introduced Gregg as his nominee for Commerce Secretary last month, he said Gregg is known for is fiscal discipline.

"He shares my deep-seated commitment to guaranteeing that our children inherit a future they can afford," Obama said.

Today, the president's compliment of Gregg turned into an attack on Geithner. Gregg said the budget is essentially "putting on our children's backs a debt they can never get out from underneath."

He added pointedly, "I think we're putting at risk not only our children's future, we're clearly putting at risk the value of a dollar and our ability to sell debt."

When Gregg withdrew his nomination, he said he and the administration were "functioning from a different set of views on many critical items of policy."

Gregg's opening monologue today would indicate that was a gross understatement.

"The argument that this budget doesn't have tax increases [on everyone] is, I think, an 'Alice in Wonderland' view of the budget," he said.

He challenged the budget's math on cutting the debt: "When you take the deficit and quadruple it and then you cut it and half, that's like taking four steps back and two steps forward. That's not making any progress; you're still going backwards."

Gregg questioned why any foreign country would continue to buy up U.S. debt: "Because if I'm in the international marketplace, and I'm looking at this budget, I'm saying to myself, ‘Where's the discipline? Where's the containment?' There isn't any."

In his withdrawal statement last month, Gregg said, "I expect there will be many issues and initiatives where I can and will work to assure the success of the president's proposals."

The budget doesn't appear to be one of them.

Self Righteous or Does he have a point?

Jon Stewart's interview with Jim Cramer.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Pt. 2

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

Everyone deserves a bailout

"Lex Luthor Bailout" with Jon Hamm from Jon Hamm

Compromise

Got a call from my bank this morning. All they would tell me was that my debit card number had been "compromised." Despite my further inquisition, they declined to tell me what that meant. However, they did tell me that they were shutting off my card and sending me a new card, which they generously agreed to rush to me.

So, until I get my new card I'm poor. Yea. In honor of my situation, here's an acoustic performance of one of my favorite bands, The Format, playing "THE COMPROMISE."

NOBAMA!

STOP! STOP! STOP!

Here's the link to the Wall Street Journal article imploring Mr. Obama to stop his insane war on economic recovery.

Link

Stop the presses!

Obama announced that the fed is going to print yet another trillion dollars to loan to people. When will this madness end? WHO IS JOHN GALT?

Stick with Cramer!

Hey Geithner, YOU SUCK!

One of simsisms favorite market commentators, Jim Cramer on why the current bank plan sucks and won't work. The second clip, though a little long, is Cramer's explanation of why Obama's policies are killing the country and ought to be put on hold.



Can we force the market down to 6500 this week? YES WE CAN!

Ron Paul

DownSize D.C.

The fine folks at DownsizeDC.org have a mighty fine post on why the president's proposed plan will not work. Downsize is one of our new favorite websites here at Simsisms. Link HERE.

No No No

I didn't watch the president's speech. Not because I wasn't interested, but because I knew from experience that I would end up throwing things at the television and frankly, in the Obama economy I can't afford to break my television.

I have read the reports on the speech and I just cannot fathom how anyone so dense could become the leader of this country. Granted, the last guy was no genius, but exactly what planet is Obama on? We've plunged a trillion dollars into the banking industry, and he basically said we're going to go spend even more money later? WHAT!?!?! We haven't spent so much as a dime to fix the mortgage crisis that is driving the economy downward. As for the president's plan to have a mortgage relief that doesn't reward unscrupulous buyers who bought homes they couldn't afford, that's the most asinine thing I've ever heard. It's the irresponsible buyers who are driving the economy downward. We've bailed out every other undeserving schmuck, why aren't we cutting home owners a break?

Not that it would matter if we did. There's a lot of talk about modifying loans, adjusting mortgage rates, etc. I'm going to tell you right now that this is all a mistake and these efforts are only going to prolong the agony of our faltering economy. Credit is not moving because of uncertainty. Uncertainty is being caused by the fact that a lot of companies have assets and they have no idea what they might be worth because real estate is essentially worthless as long there's an endless supply of foreclosed houses going on the market. It does not matter what the interest rates are, or what adjustments to principal are made. There are a lot of homes occupied by people who will never in a million years be able to afford to own a home. Not if the interest rate were -2% could they afford the payments. Rather than dragging this thing out by trying to keep people in homes they are going to inevitably lose, we should be speeding things up. We need to get people out of those houses and get the house sold to someone who can afford it. Once the houses are all sold, the real estate market will recover its value, and we can start rebuilding the economy.

In the meantime, the idea that we can throw money all over the place and the economy will magically heal is just insane. It hasn't ever worked in the past, the bailout shows no signs of working now, and it is the very definition of insanity to think that it will somehow start working in the future.

As if that weren't bad enough, the President then went on to say how he's found two trillion in savings from programs he's going to cut (not true, see links at end of post) promised to cure cancer, make us a green economy, and to get everyone a college education. WHAT? Ignoring that there is no conceivable way to pay for this, there is still no physical way to accomplish these goals. Not everyone can go to college. An outrageous number of kids can't pass the high school exit exam, how are they going to go to college? I also find it laughable that Obama would promise to end costly agribusiness subsidies, when he has continued to support the Ethanol, the largest agriculture swindle in America. This whole speech was outrageous and just plain idiotic. If you bought any of it then I suggest you have your head examined.

The fine folks at factcheck.org have weighed in on the stimulus plan. Their review can be found here (short version: It's Bull).

Also, the fact checkers at mywaynews had a thing or two to say about the speech tonight, story here (short version: you could fertilize your lawn with that speech).

P.S. Ben Bernanke said he thinks that the recession will end this year. Based on what? Where on earth do you get the facts to support your starry eyed optimism, Mr Bernanke? Please, share with us the figures that indicate any kind of trend towards recovery. Show us what facts convince you that all of the experts who say 3-5 years until a recovery are in fact wrong.

Don't believe the madness. Fiscal responsibility is our only way back to success.

Only you can bailout the economy

Addicting Games has a great little game where you get to handout bailout cash or slap bankers. Give it a whirl:



Play Games at AddictingGames

D'oh!

Some economists are saying that the president's new program to employ people to install rural broadband networks could actually result in job LOSSES. I'm starting to feel for Obama, the guy just can't catch a break. Story here.

Meanwhile, no one seems to be gaining enthusiasm for my plan to help the economy. I'll explain it again. We have people who need jobs, and we have an auto industry that needs something extraordinary to pull it out of the tank. Let's put those people to work building flying cars. It's almost 2010 and every freaking Sci-Fi movie worth its salt has promised us that we would have flying cars by now. Flying cars would revitalize the sagging auto industry, and it would eliminate the need to spend large chunks of government funds to maintain the roadways. Be honest, which would you rather see: people working in a modern Tennessee Valley authority, or those freakin' sweet flying cars from Minority Report. If the government is going to spend a trillion dollars, wouldn't you at least like to get flying cars out of the deal? Shouldn't a trillion dollars be enough to make it happen? Can we finally get the way cool flying cars that you know you want, and revitalize the American economy? YES, WE CAN!

I want to point out that not only is the Sims Stimulus plan economically feasible, it is the only stimulus plan that has the benefit of being TOTALLY AWESOME. I urge you to write, telephone, or email your congressperson and tell them to vote for the Sims Stimulus plan (also referred to as the Simsulus Plan). I want to point out to all of the naysayers that the Simsulus plan has EXACTLY the same chance of working as any other economic recovery plan that has been presented. Plus, it is the only plan that offers you FLYING CARS.

Congratulations

Here at simsisms, we are often criticized for being too negative. But, we like to recognize achievement when we see it, so today, we at simsisms would like to give a big congratulations to the nation of Iran.

Intelligence reports that Iran now has enough uranium to make a nuclear weapon. SURPRISE!!! Iran is now one step closer to reaching its goal of being a nuclear force and vaporizing the filthy zionists. Iran, we congratulate you. YOU GO GIRL!!!

Idiot Watch

Exactly how hard is it to find a competent attorney general? Have we had one in the last 20 years? In a nation where you can't throw a stone without hitting a lawyer, someone has got to be able to do the job and not be grotesquely beef-headed.

For those who didn't hear, soon to be former Attorney General Eric Holder called the United States a "Nation of Cowards." In context, his remarks were directed at america's ongoing failure to openly discuss the issue of race. However, that is NOT how the remarks are being taken. Memo to all would be cabinet officials: Speechwriters save lives. Enjoy crucifixion in the media Mr. Holder!

Story may be found here.

Poverty Watch

Yet another reason why you are screwed:

Just as everyone who ever picked up an econ book has predicted, printing massive amounts of cash has caused inflation. Almost a full percentage point in the month of January. If inflation continues to rise at its present rate, we'll be looking at about 10% inflation this year. That's assuming things don't get worse, which they will every time the government decides that the solution to our problems is to spend money that doesn't exist rather than make real meaningful changes to the way we live.

Oh, and still more people lost their jobs. Details here.

Legal Watch

What do you do as a follow-up for getting OJ? You take down Suge Knight. Infamous rap mogul and (alleged) force behind the Biggie and Tupac murders, pled guilty to Battery in a Las Vegas court recently. That's right, California. Our courts get the guys you can't. Send us Phil Spector and Robert Blake. We'll put them away too.

Suge was caught beating a naked woman along D.I. He apparently had possession of a bunch of ecstasy and a Gregory House amount of Vicodin. He also had a knife. Good Job, Suge.

Story here.

Today in the Financial Crisis.

Quick survey of some notable financial developments.

First, in case you didn't know already, credit card companies hate you, and they aren't shy about showing it. Pretty much every credit card company on earth is raising their interest rates, minimum payments, and tacking on additional fees (ever call a credit card company? exactly how does an organization that does not provide service justify calling fees a "service charge"?). We here at simsisms would like to taunt all of you who slave away for VISA, Bastardcard, and American Excess by rubbing in the fact that we have no credit card debt. Neener, Neener, Neener.

Not wanting to be upstaged in the "people or groups that you are absolutely sick of hearing from" contest, congress immediately announced that it would be looking into credit card companies. The same credit card companies who no longer have the resources to give generous campaign contributions. Way to attract attention to yourselves at precisely the wrong moment, guys! Maybe you should have just lied low and waited for the whole economic crisis to blow over, but no, you had to go and try and get a few more drops of blood out of a nation full of stones. Good move, guys. Seriously, next announce your corporate sponsorship for the 2009 "Club baby seals" competition, FTW. Link to the story may be found here.

Next, a surprising number of homeowners have been able to escape foreclosure by asking their lenders to produce the note. Turns out, a lot of the time, Banks can't do it. Good job consumers. Pwn those banks! Link may be found here.

Forbes had a decent article on why we should not bail out shareholders in banks. I skimmed the article but didn't find any mention of bankers having horns. Must have been an oversight. Seriously though, the article should appeal to all of you amateur economists out there (you know who you are). Link here.

Also, it appears that the economic crunch is being felt all over, resulting in premiere Las Vegas attorney Craig P. Kenny actually charging for defending you from traffic tickets. Kenny used to provide this service for free as a way to meet new clients. Now he's charging 50 bucks. That's still less than most other lawyers are charging, but still, it stinks to lose such a valuable free service. Over the years, we here at simsisms have sent many people Craig's way, but we may now have to rethink this. Sorry Craig, until further notice we are downgrading your status from "People we love" to "People we moderately like." Story on Wild Wild Law, here.

I've been meaning to lug this for a while, but haven't found the right time to do it. I've decided that here is as good a place to plug it as any. One of my favorite prof's has a blog and I am commanding everyone to read it. Nancy Rapoport is one of the great bankruptcy minds in the state of Nevada, and has worked on several big name bankruptcy cases, including the Enron case. I insist that you check out her very worthwhile blog, http://nancyrapoport.blogspot.com/

Lastly, have you seen this photo?




Don't front, that's freaking cute. I don't even care that it has nothing to do with money and doesn't belong in this post.

More snarky comments as they develop!

Bankruptcy Watch

Oh yeah! It's the economy, Baby.

The following notable companies got pwned by the economy.

First off, Muzak, the dreadful "music" played in elevators and shopping malls through which the government may or may not be controlling your mind is out of cash. Sadly, they are not liquidating and will continue to kick the tunes. Story here.

Next, providence has smiled upon us all and forced Trump entertainment to declare chapter 11. You may notice the sun shining a little brighter and music sounding a little sweeter today. Except for Muzak-type music. Story here.

Nazi Zombies

Open Letter

Dear Barack Obama,

On behalf of the entire city of Las Vegas I would like to thank you for discouraging companies from sending their employees to Las Vegas. Thank you very much for taking billions of dollars out of the rapidly deteriorating Las Vegas Economy. Did you not seem to realize that when people spend money it helps the economy? Did you seriously rise to the highest office in the country without a rudimentary understanding of economics? Are you clueless to the fact that there are ways to stimulate the economy other than the government just randomly printing money? See, those people would have come to Las Vegas, and spent money on goods and services. The people who would have provided those goods and services would have then spent the money they received on more goods and services, and so forth. It's bad enough that you are on TV every night flogging this outrageous and ill conceived stimulus bill which will commit our nation to economic underachievement for the foreseeable future, but why do you feel the need to further embarass yourself by seeking to discourage tourism to Las Vegas, a town which anyone with approxamite IQ of granite knows relies heavily on tourism for its economy. Is it possible that the same man who criticized his predecessor for being a simpleton could be so mind-bogglingly beef-headed? Mr. President, are you seriously saying we must act with reckless abandon to mortgage the next 30 years of our treasury to save our economy at the exact same moment that you are telling people not to go and spend money in a town leading the nation in foreclosures and with double digit unemployment? Thank you very much for making Las Vegas an utter pariah in the business world, you unbelievable schmuck. Just please, never mention my town again. In fact, don't even visit this state. You are not welcome here, you pea-brained twit.

Mayor Goodman has asked for an apology, and I you owe it to this city. You've cost this town a great deal of money and jobs, and you have offended the city of Las Vegas, a city with numerous mob connections. Next time you want to score political points by making someone else look bad, please don't throw my city under the bus to do it.