Sexual Orientation, Sodomy, and a running diary.

1:30:08 PM- We’ve just been informed that there will be a group of parents observing our class today. This is in no way suspicious.

1:31:28 PM- Today’s class is on sexual orientation. Prof. is very much out of the closet with another professor on campus. She’s basically called anyone who opposes gay rights a mindless bigot. But, no worries because she’s “just going to try to get you to see both sides of the issues.”

1:34:14 PM- We’re talking about the amendment to the Nevada State Constitution that forbids gay marriage. Even the state that allows you do to pretty much anything you want isn't down with gay marriage. Go Nevada!

1:35:55 PM- Prof. is comparing gays to racial minorities. How is that an apt comparison? Are there closet African Americans? Do they have an awkward conversation with their parents where they inform them, “Mom, Dad, I’m Black.”

1:40:48 PM- The mysterious parents who are supposed to visit the class have not shown up yet. All of the people who were forced out of the back row are starting to get pissed about having to move.

1:42:25 PM- The parents have just shown up.

1:45:54 PM- Heated discussion over weather homosexuality is a choice or not. I’m going to say that it’s not. Just like being a child molester. They can’t control it either and we shouldn’t punish them. In fact, I think the state should start subsidizing NAMBLA. Also, I’ve decided to sue for the right to marry my dog. I’m not ashamed of our love.

1:48:40 PM- Someone just called homosexuality a belief system. I’m not going to make any catholic priests jokes here. That would be inappropriate.

1:51:14 PM- Should we force homosexuals to be closeted? No. We should force them to be as flaming and obviously gay as possible so they can be readily identified. Every gay man and woman should look like an extra from Viva Laughlin.

1:57:47 PM- The parents have left. Apparently 15 minutes of this class was enough for them.

1:58:49 PM- Apparently most Americans oppose gay marriage. Thank heaven. Now if we could just get them to quit watching Michael Bay movies and there might be hope for society.

2:02:39 PM- Someone just called homosexuality a lifetime commitment. Uhm...no. Am I the only one who saw those episodes of Marissa when she considered the alternative lifestyle and then went back to Ryan? I can’t emphasize this enough people. Before you make a broad political statement, check to make sure the O.C. agrees with you. I don’t care if a hundred people with PhD’s agree with you. If the O.C. ain’t down with it, I’m not convinced.

2:06:40 PM- We’ve now moved onto Sodomy. Every man in the class has that same awkward look 50 Cent had when they cut to him during Britney Spears VMA performance. That “please just let it be over” look.

2:12:56 PM- Our first anti-Scalia comment of the day. That guy must have the same PR agent that Osama Bin Ladin uses.

2:22:07 PM- And we’re back to comparing polygamy to homosexuality. Why do people try and tie the two together. Could there be anything less gay than polygamy? By definition it means a man would be sleeping with SEVERAL WOMEN. That’s about as ungay as it comes. Brigham Young was called many things in his life, but one thing he most certainly not was gay, and you better believe he would not have looked favorably on gays.

2:25:32 PM- Almost got called on. New rule, no stretching in class.

2:27:55 PM- Class has gotten way boring, so I feel the need to mention that Heroes has apparently decided to emulate LOST’s model and have nothing happen in the first several episodes and piddle around until sweeps. When was the last time a popular show introduced a pair of characters as annoying and unpopular as the Guatemalan Twins who cry poison gas or something? You might as well call them Nikki and Paulo.

2:30:06 PM- Crap, I’m called on.

2:30:54 PM- Just made a bunch of stuff up, no one seemed to notice. Maybe it was enough that she will go to the next student.

2:32:21 PM- She's still grilling me.

2:34:28 PM- She’s still on me. DAMMIT, MOVE ON WOMAN!!!

2:35:26 PM- Someone has stepped in with a really out there opinion. Maybe I’m off the hook.

2:36:35 PM- Bob, the smartest (and highest ranked) guy in the class just made his first comment of the year. How does he stay off the radar?

2:38:14 PM- She tries to go after me again, I plead ignorance. For some reason whenever I claim to be ignorant it comes across as very believable. If I were a deep thinker I might be insulted by this…

2:40:13 PM- Someone mentioned that we shouldn’t honor Marriage as a time honored tradition because it was also a time honored tradition to not let women vote. On an unrelated note, A lot of people with PhD’s agree that ever since women go the vote the country has gone right to hell. Exhibit A, your next president: Hillary Clinton.

2:43:49 PM- Does banning gay marriage protect society? I think gay marriage would turn society into a larger version of an Episode of Oz.

2:48:09 PM- We’re holding up Britney as the standard example of a heterosexual marriage. This is like judging all republicans by Larry Craig.

2:49:41 PM- Apparently gays make excellent parents. This is going to be treated as fact now in our class with no opportunity for rebuttal. Great moments in open mindedness.

2:50:49 PM- We’re off gay marriage and onto something less controversial: gays in the military.

2:51:36 PM- Holly just walked in late. Normally I don’t mention names here, but I’m going to say it. Holly, I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. I am so insanely jealous of you right now, you have no idea. You got to miss this fiasco of a class you lucky dog.

2:53:23 PM- This just in, Joe Torre has rejected the Yankees offer. I can’t imagine why someone who was already rich wouldn’t accept a relatively pithy amount of money to put up with mountains of abuse and criticism and have his every move second guessed. In other news, Darryl Strawberry desperately needs money…

2:55:55 PM- And we finish up by talking about polygamy. I will now light myself on fire.

2:56:13 PM- Class is over.

Today's Class Time chat with Matt.

Matthew: Gird your loins boys, its about to begin.

Matthew Spring is online.

Brad: Shall we do our running chat?

Matthew: lets do it

Brad: Ground rules, don't mention anyone by name, enough people in this class already hate me.

Matthew: all good -fair enough

Brad: So, today's class is about sexual orientation. This should be pleasantly awkward

How many people are going to come out of the closet in today's class?

Matthew: as you can see from the attendance today, anyone who might have decided to come out today decided not to show up

they didn't want their smirks to out them

Brad: Ouch! That means she may try and convert some of us. Try to be strong.

Sent at 1:32 PM on Tuesday

Matthew: Isn't 100 lbs equal to 100 lbs.? That doesn't make any sense

Brad: Who can't lift 100 lbs?

So, when do you think a certain individual in the back row will share a personal experience about a friend she had who was gay who was discriminated against?

Matthew: "And somebody gay bashed me . . .eee. . . iii . . . my friend"

Sent at 1:37 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Here's my feeling on homosexuality. Elton John's music was much better before he was gay.

Matthew: Although David Bowie's was better when he was "experimenting"

Brad: I think David Bowie was the first closet heterosexual.

Once everyone thought he was gay he was like "Surprise, I'm straight, and marrying a supermodel."

Matthew: amen

Brad: What are the odds that we learn some law today?

Matthew: this is a law class?

Brad: I know, I was shocked to hear it too.

Wait, there was a guy who tried to get into an all women's nursing school? Stallion.

She's not gonna show film clips from "Cruisin'" is she? Cause I'm totally not cool with that.

Matthew: GI Jane, here we come!

Brad: Why is Nate raising his hand?

Make him stop

Matthew: He hates himself - he's a masochist.

Brad: Is he comparing football to the "Full Metal Jacket" treatment?

Dude, I think I just lost interest in the JAG.

Matthew: you had interest?

Brad: Oh.

My.

Gosh.

Matthew: Hmmm, we'll pay for college and you get to die for us - sound like a deal?

Brad: [Name Withheld] says she went to Annapolis?

Matthew: Apparently she also cured cancer and went to the moon.

Brad: 20 minutes in, no law.

You know, everyone is describing these brutal hazing rituals, they remind me a lot of Contracts last year.

Matthew: I called it!

Brad: Is it necessary to exclude women from the adversive methods to train soldiers?

Sent at 1:54 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Dude, 50 points to the first person who grows a pair and disagrees with Prof.

Matthew: Oh yeah - I forgot, I can't concentrate when women are around

Brad: Oh snap, someone disagreed with the Prof. and she can't take it. Who could have predicted it?

Matthew: But she's so liberal and open minded, that is unless numerous people with Ph.d's disagree also.

Brad: Okay, are we really talking about "should female soldiers take off their shirts when its hot?"

Oh.

my.

gosh.

She did not just go to the "Soldiers will turn gay without women," did she?

Matthew: Coupled with prison sodomy - I guess humans are so horny, they must do it with anything around.

Brad: Heaven help our army if they are trapped in the jungle and there's nothing around but Pandas.

Sent at 2:02 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Wait, did I hear her right, did she just say, "Justice Scalia was right"

Matthew: get your coats, hell is experiencing a cold front!

Sent at 2:05 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Wait, did she just disagree with the supreme court?

Matthew: weirder still, I think she just agreed with Rehnquist

Brad: I'm just waiting for her to announce, "By the y'all, I'm a dude."

She's going to rip off a mask, Mission impossible style and surprise, it really is George Lopez.

Sent at 2:10 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Is it me, or when she imitates a military voice, does it sound like Gollum?

Matthew: Dude - she said law - I think thats the first time this class

Brad: No, I think she did it once before, I was so surprised I accidentally closed my freecell game.

Sent at 2:14 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Oh, look who has an idea, SURPRISE SURPRISE

On the bright side, it's 50 minutes into class and we still haven't gone gay.

er...

started talking about gender orientation cases.

Matthew: when the teacher repeats your question - then you know you just said something SUPER stupid.

Wow - she really really hates men

Brad: Why aren't there any good all female schools in Las Vegas? Cause it'd be way too hot.

Sent at 2:18 PM on Tuesday

Matthew: If she can't cite to a case, if the doctrine hasn't been developed, it probably won't be on the bar and therefore it definitely belongs in this class.

Brad: I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention, have we gotten to statutory rape yet?

Okay, student in the back row is violating the 3 comments per class rule.

Sent at 2:23 PM on Tuesday

Brad: So, now we're talking about how there are more girls than boys in college. Why is that a problem?

Matthew: Refer to previous "males cannot function with females present" comment

Brad: I say the more chicks the better. Wider dating pool.

Sent at 2:26 PM on Tuesday

Brad: Wait, who just said there are no sports for women?

What about foxy boxing?

How is that not a sport?

Matthew: I do believe that money is thrown about in jello wrestling.

Brad: Pole dancing is not exactly the chess club my friend.

Matthew: If girls are smarter than boys, she is not living proof.

Because why wouldn't we talk about biology in a Constitutional law class?

Brad: At last, statutory rape.

Wait, they prosecute teens for fornication? What state is this case from.

This happened in California? Crap, the whole cast of the O.C. is going to jail.

Matthew: Sex for a boy under 18 is not rape, its called a fantasy.

Brad: Apparently the purpose of this law was to prevent teen pregnancy. This probably explains why there are hardly any teen pregnancies in California.

Matthew: Yea! The law works!

Brad: Is that her phone that just rang?

Matthew: It sounded like a soundtrack to emphasize her point.

well played Lazos, great showmanship.

Sent at 2:42 PM on Tuesday

Brad: This is the most boring conversation of rape ever.

Matthew: Who knew rape could be so boring. Man, TV lied to me again.

Brad: Please someone drag this discussion out further,

Anything is better than getting the Gay lecture.

Oh snap, she's going to once again, "Get you to see the other side"

That means, "Insult your beliefs and call you a bigot."

Matthew: Is that like organizing a trade to the other team?

Brad: yikes, is there a gay draft?

Matthew: If you get picked, do you have to sign?

Brad: Can we trade Britney Spears and get Kevin Spacey back?

Kaiser Sose should be all man.

Wait, we will give them Kevin Federline and Pete Wentz, and a future first round pick, if they will give us back Ian McCellan. Gandalf should not be gay.

End of Class

Running Diary- 10.11.07

1:33:30 PM- Today’s topic, gender equality.

1:33:46 PM- Our lunch time speaker begged us all not to go into criminal law. It’s always a good day when you can disappoint someone before you’ve finished lunch.

1:35:14 PM- Today’s class will focus a lot on Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Always a bad sign. Ruthie, like many a Clinton appointee, has never actually read the constitution.

1:41:43 PM- We’ve spent the past several minutes talking about Justice O’Connor. I feel it worth mentioning that Dallin Oaks was passed over for nomination to the Supreme Court in favor of O’Connor. Great moments in legal histroy

1:43:43 PM- Prof. has posed the question “Are men and women equal? How are they different?”

1:45:11 PM- Caleb is getting picked on. Tough nuts Caleb.

1:45:22 PM- Caleb responds, “Boys have a Penis, Girls have a vagina.”

1:46:00 PM- Another student says “Emotionally.” Oh boy. This should be fun.

1:47:37 PM- Apparently, women are better at teamwork. I guess no one in class have ever heard of the A-team. No women on that team, and they were the best team ever.

1:50:40 PM- This seems like an ideal time to point out that the A-team needs to be made into a Movie, starring George Clooney, Ving Rhames, Matt Damon as Face, and Owen Wilson as Murdock. How has this not happened?

1:52:37 PM- We’re now talking about how women express themselves differently than men. So far no one has mentioned that they cry more.

1:53:37 PM- Still no mention of the crying.

1:54:50 PM- Apparently women will have a lower salary than men. My bank account is very grateful for my Y chromosome right now.

1:55:46 PM- Still nothing about the crying.

1:57:59 PM- Prof. asks, "Why are there less women as physicists at top universities?"

1:58:26 PM- We are told there are no wrong answers here. However, there are answers that will earn you public scorn in the class.

2:00:13 PM- Half hour into class and the estrogen is flowing.

2:01:12 PM- A student commits blasphemy and invokes Richard Feynman in a genderist argument. Worse still, she mispronounced his name.

2:04:59 PM- Double Blasphemy, Someone invoked Malcolm Gladwell. Two of my heroes have been mocked in under 5 minutes.

2:05:45 PM- Someone in the class has the balls to say that this is bull. The person with the biggest balls in the class is a girl in the back row. Way to go unknown girl.

2:06:37 PM- Prof. responds “A lot of people with PhD’s disagree with you.” Wow, way to be open minded, Prof. Way to encourage students to form opinions and share them. Truly a great moment in higher education.

2:13:44 PM- We’ve moved on to original intent and the constitution. Does the 14^th amendment apply to women? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the founding fathers were all feminists.

2:15:04 PM- Wikipedia reveals that Patrick Henry kept his wife chained up in the basement. So much for the feminist theory.

2:16:27 PM- Prof. is hammering home the “Founders didn’t care about women” thing. Hello, I so already knew that, I read wikipedia.

2:20:34 PM- We’re now conceptualizing Gender Equality. Apparently that means we talk about how men are bastards.

2:21:53 PM- We’re talking about a case where women were not allowed to become lawyers, this should be fun.

2:24:32 PM- 55 mintues into class and every man in the room feels uncomfortable. Great moments in higher education.

2:26:01 PM- Prof. opines that women want to be treated the same as men. I agree, and that is why I’m going to start slapping women on the butt after soccer games. It’s my duty as an advocate of equal rights.

2:40:01 PM- We still haven’t discussed the facts of any cases. We’ve talked about some holdings and why they were sexist.

2:41:25 PM- Prof. asks “How many women have been President?” Apparently Jimmy Carter doesn’t count.

2:42:23 PM- Prof points out that no women have served as governor or senator from Nevada. There’s nothing I can write here that won’t get me in trouble.

2:44:33 PM- The estrogen in this room is so thick you could cut it with a knife. After class I may have to go kill something and eat it, just to restore my sense of manliness.

2:47:30 PM- Prof. promises to end in seven minutes. Thank heaven for minor miracles.

2:48:15 PM- Apparently the court does not consider discrimination against pregnant women to be a gender issue. Great moments in Legal History.

2:49:51 PM- Now talking about a case where a man wanted to go to a women’s only nursing school. Dude, wherever you are, surrender your man card.

2:51:42 PM- Apparently University of Nevada Reno started as an all male school. Judging by its football team it has gone all the way in the other direction.

2:54:22 PM- Class is over before we could talk about the important case Prof. wanted to talk about. Great moments in time management.

A few things

1) So long Joe Torre. You will soon be working your pitchers too hard in another ball club. I can't even begin to imagine who they would get to replace you. No amount of money can make up for having to put up with Steinbrenner's crap, which means whoever takes the job will be someone desperate for money. This pretty much narrows the field to crack addicts and gambling degenerates.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the manager of your 2008 Yankees-Darryl Strawberry.

2) There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who hate Dane Cook and those who smoke lots of weed. Dane Cook is not funny. I feel like I am taking crazy pills here. He steals jokes, his movies are dreadful, and watching his stand-up is more painful than passing a kidney stone. Who picked this idiot to be in the major league baseball ads? Rivalfish has generously put together a list of people who could have been a worse spokesman for MLB.

http://www.rivalfish.com/rivalroom/2007/10/theres-only-one-october-and-theres-only.html

If you want proof of the joke stealing, just go to youtube where this phenomenon is well documented. I'm too lazy to post the link, but it's not hard to find.

P.S. The last time he appeared on Saturday night live he appeared in a sketch that was a blatant rip off of a sketch that appeared years earlier on "The State." Also documented on youtube.

3) American Gladiators is coming back to TV with Hulk Hogan as its host. How can this not be good? The only thing that could possibly be better would be a LOST episode that explained everything (good luck ever getting that). Sports Guy was generous enough to put the application to be on American Gladiators up on his website. Here's the file in PDF in case you wish to apply.

http://www.nbc.com/Casting/Applications/gladiators_application_2007.pdf

Marriage and age

Surprisingly, A number of prominent member of the church were not married by the age of twenty-five. This stands in conflict with the view many people have expressed to me that those who aren't married by the age of 25 are abject failures in life and are little better than rejects from the war in heaven. Here's a few well known "menaces to society"

President Gordon B. Hinckley- Married two months before his 27th birthday

Ezra Taft Benson- Age 27

Hugh B. Brown- 25

David O. McKay- 27

L. Tom Perry- Married one month before he turned 25.

Henry B. Eyring- Married at the ripe old age of 29!


Hmmmm...Maybe we should stop treating YSA's over the age of 25 like pariahs and breathing down their necks to get married. What do you think?

Open Letter

This is an open letter to the Cross Dresser at my gym:

Dear Dude(tte),

You and I are going to get into a fight.

Look, it's like this. I admit it, I'm a little creeped out by you. But that is not the problem. I get it. God made you a dude, you weren't happy with that, so you called an audible. But dude, you are the least convincing woman since Mrs. Doubtfire. You have male pattern baldness, a thicker five o'clock shadow than I do, you're built like Schwarzenegger, and even a woman couldn't pass those implants off as real. But none of this is the problem.

The problem is your basic lack of weight room etiquette. If my towel is still on the machine or bench, I'm still using it. Quit stealing my bench. You did it twice today. Either wait until I'm done or ask to work in. I only walked 10 feet away to work a different muscle group between sets. It doesn't mean I'm done with the bench, so stop stealing it. The only thing more frustrating than having someone snatch your weight bench when you have only one set left, is having it snatched away by a freakish creatine-addicted she-male who you don't really want to talk to. Why are you even lifting weights? You are already having enough trouble pulling off the woman thing, the 20 inch biceps? Not helping. You have enough people in the world who probably want to beat you up just in principle. You shouldn't go around pissing people off, and that's what you are doing, and it needs to stop. So quit stealing my weight bench, and wait your freaking turn.

Sincerely,

The dude who had one more set and whose towel was still on the bench, clearly indicating that it was still in use, and is going to beat you up if you steal his bench again.

Surveys

If you know me, you know I love obscure British political comedies from the eighties. This is a clip from Yes Minister. In this clip the two characters are talking about a survey that shows that the people favor reinstating the draft (they refer to it as "National Service"). It's hilarious and politically poignant. I swear.

Kanye on SNL

Today's Con Law Class

Okay boys and girls,

No running diary today. There's not going to be anything to chronicle as there is going to be an in class activity that is going to take up most of the period. As a public service, here are my notes on the class readings. They're not great, but they'll get you through in a pinch. I realize this doesn't have the humor value that everyone wants, but I promise I will come up with something peppered with cynicism, dry wit, and tons of irony later in the week to make up for it.

Amicus Brief

Fortune 500 Brief-

The fortune 500 company files an amicus brief as one affected by the decision. It recruits from Michigan and does substantial business there. The brief supports diversity because diversity in higher education helps the company to hire a diverse workforce and maintain its own commitment to diversity.

Amici believes that all of a students attributes should be considered for admission to university. In order to succeed in a diverse workplace it is important for students to be exposed to diversity in an educational setting. It helps them to become better workers and therefore helps the company.

The pursuit of diversity in higher education is a compelling state interest because it prepares students to succeed in a global community.

The Frontline website

There is a Gap between white students and Minority students on the SAT. The Gap is hard to explain. There is no real correlation between the Gap in the income of students’ parents and the students performance on the SAT. It is possible that part of the Gap comes from the fact that Students’ parents faced discrimination and as such, were not able to have the resources that their white counterparts had. These disadvantages are reflected in the education of their children.

It’s also possible that the scores are explained by a “stereotype threat.” Minority students who feel that they are part of a negatively stereotyped group tend to perform worse on academic tests.

There was a brief narrowing of the Gap in the late 70’s but then it widened again. Some feel that school desegregation, reduced class size, and more rigorous coursework contributed to the decline in the Gap, but they are at a loss to explain why it began to widen again.

Article ends by saying if we could close the Gap and have comparable test scores, we wouldn’t need affirmative action.

Did they get in?

You were supposed to do the "did they get in" activity. It’s basically worthless and you should skip it. It has literally, nothing to do with anything you will ever use in life or the bar. Just know that colleges look for well rounded people.

If she wanted us to do any of the other stuff on the website, well then, she can go to hell. It’s not worth your time and you are far better off faking your way through it.

My journal entry for this activity.

Prof. Lazos- I’ve come into contact with the issue of college admission before. It’s my belief that the notion of a “well rounded student” is mostly nonsense. If I were on an admissions committee, I would look at the classes a person took and the grades they got in them. I don’t care about anyone’s extra curricular activities, I believe the SAT’s are a crock, and I personally believe that most student essay’s are a pack of lies that tell you nothing you would ever really want to know. Your question asks me to pick who I’d recommend for admission, so I’m going to recommend based on grades and classes.

Candidate 1:

This person had some advanced classes and did well overall. I’d recommend.

Candidate 2:

This person also had advanced classes, but can’t do math to save their life. Still, the bad grades in math do come in some pretty advanced courses, so that is commendable. I’d put the person on the waiting list.

Candidate 3:

This person did well, but their sophomore schedule was a joke. They did well in some AP classes later, but I think we can do better. Wait list, towards the bottom.

Candidate 4:

This student has more B’s than a hive. He should enjoy community college.

Candidate 5:

Average student at best. Go to community college, improve your grades, transfer.

Manly man

So, Saturday morning I broke the little toe on my left foot. I was faced with a tough choice. Should I forget about running for the day, or should I do my standard Saturday run. I think we all know what I chose.



15 Miles of pain, but it was totally worth it. I love running.

Running Diary, part two.

Once again, a running diary from one of my classes. Probably the last one I'll do for a while. Here's how class went.

1:28:22 PM- Prof. Has decided to start class early, I'm guessing she will make up for it by dismissing us late.

1:30:08 PM- Prof. Essentially doubles our homework load for the weekend and laughs about it. Someone's car is getting keyed.

1:32:06 PM- Prof. asks "Why do you think I am giving you so much work on affirmative action?" At least a dozen students silently scream, "Cause you are the devil!"

1:34:20 PM- Prof. announces that our journals will be due November 15. In other news I will be typing a journal furiously on November 14.

1:39:23 PM- Our Professor explains how a hypothetical involving a very unflattering portrait of anti-gay activists is "based on an actual case." Good thing she captured the one-dimensional aspect of all people who oppose homosexuality who, as we all know, are hate filled homophobes who only speak shrill irrational epithets and are incapable of any kind of logical thinking.

1:42:12 PM- Our one sided hypo is being answered by Jake. Jake is fairly right wing so this should be good.

1:43:05 PM- The professors phone starts ringing. With luck it's her shrink telling her to pick up her lithium.

1:48:50 PM- We're still working our homosexual hypo. This could go on for a while.

1:49:52 PM- Prof. yells at Jake for not knowing an obscure case that she has "cited 3 times in class." Geez Jake, it's not like you have other stuff in your life that's more important than this class. Try to keep up, dude.

1:53:33 PM- She's finally off Jake's ass. Inku is the next victim.

1:54:08 PM- Inku commits Hari Kari and says he didn't do the journal entry. He gets off the hook in a matter of seconds. Inku gets points for being mad smart.

1:56:45 PM- Professor seems to be getting worked up. There could be an explosion before the end of class.

1:59:22 PM- Professor says "This could be a fun exam question." She has the same look in her eye that Jack Bauer gets before tearing off a terrorist's nipples with rusty pliers.

2:04:20 PM- Professor talks about how no one got the point she was trying to make when she used the hypo on a test. Most people in this situation might take this as a negative reflection on their teaching ability.

2:05:08 PM- Prof. wonders aloud, "Maybe I'm a bad teacher." 40 heads start nodding. Sadly, I'm pretty sure she didn't notice.

2:09:56 PM- 40 minutes of class, still no bar material.

2:11:24 PM- Prof uses the never before heard word "differentialis." I'm guessing that it is a combination of different and Cialis, two things I'm sure she's very familiar with.

2:12:45 PM- Someone mentions Kennedy and the Prof starts doing a dance. In other news, I finally found the only thing more scary than The Exorcist.

2:14:50 PM- Professor seemed to finally be willing to move on, and some student decided to ask a question and pull her back in. Thanks a lot, jackass. You are now the law school equivalent of a prison snitch. Go watch Oz and see what lies in your future.

2:18:18 PM- Someone mentions that the Republican Party has a lot of homosexuals in it. Maybe, but, "We don't got Britney, We don't got Lindsay Lohan…."

2:20:16 PM- Prof. is dancing again. This dance bears an uncanny resemblance to Elaine's dance from Seinfeld.

2:22:36 PM- Hold on, we may be getting into something that might be useful for the bar.

2:24:59 PM- False alarm.

2:25:55 PM- Prof. asks "How many women can lift 200lbs?" I'm feeling real good about my bar exam. That $27 grand in tuition? Money well spent because I am learning so many useful things.

2:27:25 PM- Prof asks, "How many men can lift 200 lbs?" There are a lot of pansies in this class.

2:32:06 PM- Professor places a tent over her head. We've officially left law school and entered a David Lynch film. Any moment now the room is going to be stormed by backwards talking midgets.

2:35:54 PM- Twenty minutes left and I'm still searching for something that could be useful on the bar. At this point, O.J. has a better chance of finding the real killer.

2:45:41 PM- It's soapbox time. That's the point where the Professor rails against the evils of humanity and I tune out and read tvguide.com's synopsis of tonight's Episode of the office.

2:47:47 PM- Professor mispronounces Rudy Giuliani's name. Class is too busy reading about tonight's episode of the Office to care. I really hope that Pam and Jim dating doesn't kill that show.

2:50:50 PM- Prof. asks "How many do not like poor people?" I don't. They don't pay their fair share of taxes, they get free health care, and they drive the price of cocaine way up. We'd be better off without them.

2:53:42- PM Professor again wonders why no one comes to see her in her office to work through a hypo. I can't speak for anyone else, but personally, I'd rather slit my wrists and do push ups in salt water.

2:54:47 PM- Class is over. Our long nightmare is over.

Running Diary

Here is the running diary from one of my classes today.

1:40:21- Prof. confesses never having eaten twinkies as a child. Apparently twinkie deprivation can cause lesbianism and bitchiness later in life.

1:42:07 PM- Matt texts me and tells me we may have a make up class for this section tonight at five. I start to die a little inside.

1:50:37 PM- Conversation turns to children in casinos. The class doesn’t seem to have any problem with the kids being in bars or casinos.

1:58:03 PM- Class has now been going on for almost a half hour and we haven’t actually learned anything.

2:05:07 PM- Prof. uses the phrase “The other critique” 5 times in quick succession. I smell a drinking game.

2:08:45 PM- Prof. confesses that she wants us to regurgitate on the exam what she tells us in class. Thank heaven she told us now before I started trying to think for myself.

2:12:19 PM- It is confirmed, there is a makeup lecture today at five. Sadly, I forgot my cyanide pills at home today.

2:15:24 PM- One of the five people who insist on talking every class in spite of having nothing to say makes her first comment. Normally this happens in the first five minutes of class. She must be feeling ill today.

2:17:32 PM- We start to talk about a case arising out of an Anti-Hippie statute. Comments are made by people who have been observed eating special brownies.

2:21:41- We’re talking about a law that discriminates against retarded people. The more I sit in this class the more I think there are not enough laws discriminating against retarded people.

2:25:12 PM- Our serial hand raiser makes another comment. I can’t for the life of me figure out why she doesn’t just jump up and down and scream “LOOK AT ME!!!! I AM SO SMART!!! I KNOW THINGS!!!” No one cares girl. I’m reading spoilers for tonight’s episode of Gossip Girl and you are distracting me.

2:27:07 PM- Prof. says “I can’t see what hippies and retarded people have in common.” Several people in class bite their lips to keep from laughing.

2:29:54 PM- Class begins to discuss an Amendment in Colorado that discriminates against gays. Professor is a very out of the closet Lesbian. This should be fun. I’m guessing that the word bigot or homophobe come out in the next five minutes.

2:31:14 PM Professor totally misstates the law in question. She’s not letting her personal feelings on the issue cloud her judgment at all.
2:33:13 PM- Student tries to point out Professor’s error. Prof.’s not budging.

2:35:27 PM – It just hit me that the power point slides have more colors than usual. A veritable “rainbow” if you will…

2:38:41 PM- We are ten minutes into the “professor stands on a soapbox and defends gays.” Portion of class.

2:40:06PM- We’ve now shifted into the “Scalia is a wrongheaded bigot” portion of class.

2:42:21 PM- The other girl who feels the need to comment several times in class now objects to legislating morality. It seems like time stops in this class to allow people extra time to say idiotic things.

2:45:48 PM- Prof. makes the startling pronouncement that “Pedophiles aren’t popular.”

2:48:20 PM- Class embarks on a discussion on polygamy. Lots of the class is Mormon. This should be fun.

2:53:14 PM- One class member says that polygamists were never persecuted. Tune in for tomorrow’s class where we talk about how the Holocaust never happened.

2:54:34 PM- Another class member says "Maybe polygamists were put in jail, but they weren't subjected to violence that gays were." The twelve Mormon students in the class all cough loudly and Brad wonders aloud if the bullets in Parley Pratt's back had been inserted there for medicinal purposes.

2:55:34 PM- Class mercifully ends.

That's all for class today. Tune in Thursday for more.

NBC doesn't get it.

For anyone who hasn't heard, NBC recently pulled its contents from iTunes. Word on the e-street is that NBC wanted to raise the price of video downloads to $4.99 an episode, while iTunes wanted the price to be $0.99 or less. Recently, word has come down that NBC is going to offer their content on their own independent download service, which they are hoping to market as a viable competitor to iTunes. NBC will make their videos available for download a week after the show airs, for free. The downloaded shows will have commercials embedded in the file that the user will not be able to skip through, and the file will expire a week after download.

What does this mean? It means you should start shorting your NBC stock.

Could there be a program more destined for failure? This is just another example of corporate decision making that is out of touch with modern society and a business model that ignores the way things are. NBC is making the same mistake that record companies continue to make and that continues to feed illegal downloading. They are ignoring what consumers want and acting as if they can control their product.

Consumers do not want to watch commercials, and they hate DRM. For those of you who don't know what DRM means, it's the copyright protection that companies attach to your music or movie file to keep you from giving it to other people. In short, when you download a song from iTunes, or Walmart music, or anywhere else, you really aren't buying the song, you are buying the right to listen to the song on one machine, and to burn the song onto a cd a certain number of times. You are buying an inferior product. If you went out and bought the CD, you could rip the file to your computer, copy it an infinite number of times, and distribute it as you see fit.

DRM is the reason that there are 100 million music downloads from iTunes in the same space of time as 1 billion illegal downloads. Consumers have rejected DRM. Consumers have the obstinate view that if they pay for music, they should own it. Illegal downloading of music will not stop while you have to pay $1 for a song you will never truly own. You're better off downloading the song off Limewire. The risk of being sued is so low that consumers are willing to run the risk and go get the product they want. Steve Jobs, head of Apple, and by extension, iTunes, knows this, and has been fighting tooth and nail to get the record companies to dump DRM, but they won't budge.

What the music industry should be doing is abandoning DRM and lowering the price of music. Most consumers would gladly pay 25 cents for a song for the guarantee that they own the song and not having to risk a lawsuit. Record executives resist this idea because they think that if they remove DRM then there will be more pirating. That idea is stupid. Pirated music is not hard to find, and even with DRM's in place music piracy is RAMPANT. Music companies seem to take the view that "if we just sue enough people, we can turn this around and force people to do things our way." It's ludicrous. How could you ever hope to stop a billion downloads? How could you ever hope to even make a dent in that kind of movement? The answer is they can't. Downloads increase every year. Record companies are far better off conceding defeat and adjusting to meet the changing market. It's painfully obvious to everyone but the record companies that this is how it must be. The record companies no longer control the product and now they have to deliver the product to the public on its terms or the public will go elsewhere. This is the lesson that NBC seems to have also missed and its what insures NBC's new service will be a loser.

As it stands right now, you can download any episode of any NBC program for free, two hours after it airs on the east coast, in fairly decent quality, from the internet, with no commercials, and the file will be yours as long as you want it. The only limitation is the speed of your internet connection (it's nearly impossible without high speed) and the space on your hard drive. You can download the entire season of 24 and wait til the last episode has aired and then watch the whole season at once to avoid the maddening suspense that comes with trying to watch that show as it airs. You can send the files to your friends. The file is yours to do with as you please. You essentially own it. NBC wants you to download a show from their website a week after it airs and then impose limitations on your viewing. The public isn't going to go for it, not when there is a better product available, and its stupid to think they will. People who want the show with no restrictions are just going to take their chances and get the product they want somewhere else.

What NBC should have done was offered a competitive product. 50 cents for a TV show with no DRM restrictions. Or even better, free the day after it airs possibly a short add at the beginning. I realize that TV networks think that downloads hurt their DVD sales, but so far there is no real evidence to back that up. Besides, until the internet has the bandwidth to transmit shows in HD, online downloading is never really going to be a threat to DVD sales, especially Blu-Ray/HD-DVD sales.

The bottom line is, NBC needs to realize it has to compete with people who are offering a better product at a lower price, and no matter what they do, that product is always going to be available. NBC, it's time to quit living in denial and start competing in the present.

Pando

Frequently, people will tell me about a new album, TV show, Movie, etc. that they just saw. When people say, you've got to see ________, your first reaction is to try and find it yourself. However, it's a pain to track files down and download them. Also, if you've ever downloaded an album or show onto your computer, you know that the files are very large. The average episode of LOST is around 350 megabytes. Sometimes you're lucky and your friend has burned whatever file in question onto cd/dvd/jump drive. However, if you are like me, your friends are spread out all over the country. So, if you want to share an album with someone who lives far away from you, how do you do it?

The answer is a brilliant and free program called Pando, available at pando.com
Pando allows you to send very large files by email. You simply type someone's email into Pando, and you upload the file to Pando's server. Then, the person receives an email with a pando attachement. He clicks the attachment, and pando opens on his computer and downloads the file. It's great for moving large files to people all over the country. So if you want to share a song with your friend who lives the next state over, you just point and click. It's a great program and I highly recommend it to everyone.

P.S. I in no way condone or advocate illegal downloading or piracy no matter how evil record/movie companies are.

Open letter to CBS

Dear CBS,

This is not a letter; it's an intervention.

Look, I understand the decision to put Katie Couric on the news. She had good ratings on her old network, she seems so sweet on the air. It was a good gamble. Really, it was. But the time has come to face reality. She's not working out. She's awful. She doesn't have "it." Audiences hate her, and no one watches her. She doesn't have the "gravitas" of a news anchor. Time to admit your mistake and move on. She's unwatchable. I'm begging you to replace her. It's not that she's a woman. I don't care if you replace her with another woman. You could replace her with a hyper-literate iguana who does the news via sign language and it would be an improvement. Cut your losses and walk away. You're both just embarrassing yourselves and it needs to stop.

Sincerely,

A concerned former viewer.

Links, House Cleaning, Etc.

So once again, I've reformatted the blog. I was having too many problems with the other template and it was driving me insane so I just changed it. Besides, the picture of the tree was really getting on my nerves. Expect the blog to change templates again in a few days when I finally force myself to learn html.

You may notice that I've updated the links section. I tried to provide a link for some of the people I know who have blogs and actually update them. If you feel left out, just drop me a line and I will add your blog. New to the links section is Paul's blog, which I've mentioned in the blog before. Paul is an old friend from my Provo days and his humor is the stuff of legend (remember when we told everyone Emily was a widow!?). I also added a link to Peter's blog. Peter grew up down the street from me and now happens to be the leading authority on immigration policy on the west coast.

I also put in a link for Lileks, whose site specializes in twisted commentary on old advertising. Trust me it's hilarious. If you've ever sat through an Andrew WK video with me, or church for that matter, you know that this is exactly the kind of thing that would appeal to my twisted sense of humor.

Finally, I was going to link to my friend Sterling's blog, but he insists upon never updating it, in a dramatic statement of web based irony. While I respect his artistic expression of apathy, I'm not linking to it until he puts up new stuff. In his place I put John Mayer's blog. Whatever you may think of the man's music, his writing is hilarious. If you never saw his one-off tv show send me an email and I will Pando it over to you with all due speed. Here's a small taste


Other fun stuff I've run into on the web lately:

Great article on Mental Floss about how the KKK started as a pyramid scheme. That's right, the most evil and hateful organization in America started out as a way to sell custom made sheets.
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/7912

Good rundown from the guys over on Freakonomics about whether the Surge in Iraq has been effective.
http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/09/15/is-the-surge-working-ask-the-data-not-the-politicians/

For those of us who lament the death of television as a medium to promote music, the A.V. club has 13 signs that MTV hates you.
http://www.avclub.com/content/feature/13_signs_that_mtv_hates_you

Brilliant parody of both far left and far right movie reviewers.
http://moralmovies.blogspot.com/

If you ever watched Star Trek: The Next Generation, you probably developed a pathological loathing for a certain Wesley Crusher. The actor who played the galaxy's most annoying teenager has gone on to become a successful author and blogger. In an effort to atone for his Wesley related sins, Wil Wheaton periodically publishes a hilariously snarky episode guide for ST:TNG. It's very funny and if you ever watched the show, you show check out his blog, it is hysterical. Wheaton gets bonus points to his frequent references to alt.die_wesley_crusher.net
http://www.tvsquad.com/bloggers/wil-wheaton

Noted LDS author, Orson Scott Card, runs a blog on which he reviews pretty much everything. The author of Ender's game has, what I can only describe as "interesting" taste in movies, but his reviews are well thought out and entertaining.
www.hatrack.com

Finally, back when I was a lowly freshman at BYU, Eric Snider wrote a column for the Daily Universe, BYU's almost entirely unreadable newspaper. He's gone on to become a professional columnist and movie critic. I highly recommend his website, especially his movie reviews. Do yourself a favor and read the reviews of movies he DIDN'T like (anything with a D grade or worse).
www.ericdsnider.com

Happy Birthday Little Danny

Dear Little Danny,

It’s your birthday, shout hoo-ray!

Your one more year older today.

A little bit wiser and closer to death,

Closer to hair out your ears, and foul smelling breath.

I’m guessing this day goes by in a whirl,

With presents from family, and kisses from girls.

Present from Mom, and Money from Dad,

A hug from Amanda, and a poem from Brad.

Why didn’t your brother get you a real gift?

Why, cause he wanted to give you a present with thrift.

Anyone can give you presents with class

But your brother Brad finds that to be crass.

He’d much rather give you something with style,

Something you’ll remember for more than a while.

A poem from the heart that goes to your head,

It’s all Brad can afford; he’s out of bread.

He spent all his money on the A/C in his truck

The week of your birthday, darn all the luck!

He wishes he could get you something real grand,

But it hot here in Vegas, he hopes you understand.

But a poem from Brad beats any gift,

It can make you feel better, give you a lift.

It doesn’t need batteries or fancy software,

It never breaks down; no need to repair!

Yes a poem from your brother’s a very fine thing,

Better than diamonds, it’s fit for a king.

So on this, your birthday, I want you to know,

I’m so glad you’re my little bro.

Happy Birthday Little Danny,

(Please girls, whack him on the fanny)

How to be a hated Professor

How a Law Professor can guarantee that he/she will be hated.

1) Try as hard as you can to focus on background material and abstract theory. The less likely something is to be on a test, or be useful later on in life, the more time you should spend on it.

2) Try to avoid anything that could appear on the bar. Just because your students have accrued tens of thousands of dollars of crippling debt in the hopes that they will be able to pass the bar exam is no reason for you to try and help them with that. It's far more important to have intellectually stimulating conversation.

3) Make sure your intellectual conversation is liberally biased and any conservative or moderate thought is reviled. Take extra care to point out that anything written by Scalia is wrong and must be dismissed simply because he wrote it. Try and underline as often as you can that he doesn't belong on the court and that law professors hate him.

4) When discussing a case, try and drag the case out as long as you can. Sure, Brown v. Bd. of Education is only 4 pages long, but make sure you spend several class periods on it. Repeat yourself endlessly and make sure to waste a lot of time analyzing the case from different viewpoints.

5) Pay close attention to minute unimportant details of a case. Torture students for several minutes as to why a name in the case might be misspelled, then tell them the answer. Whatever you do, obscure the important law in the case. The class should leave the room wondering, "Why did we read that?"

6) Randomly triple your students' workload. Make sure to act like yours is the only class the students have. If you have to cancel a class, make sure that you schedule a makeup class at an inconvenient time and add an extra writing assignment. You should make sure that the students pay for any of your mistakes.

7) Waste student time with writing assignments. Since you don't actually teach your students anything, there's no real reason for them to do the reading. In order to make sure they do the reading, add writing assignments and other wastes of time.

8) Do not, for any reason, prepare your students for the final. The final is close to 100% of their grades, so you should try to make them as nervous as possible about it. Make sure that all questions are overly broad and could not possibly be answered. Try to test on vague and unimportant things.

9) If at all possible, make sure most of the final covers a topic not introduced until the final week of class.

10) Schedule a review session, but make sure it's unproductive. Don't give any help that could relate in any way to the final.

11) Turn in your grades late. Remember, rankings, scholarships, law review, and a whole host of other things are dependent on grades, so try to hold everyone up as much as you can. Try to aim for the lowest justifiable curve. Try to ruin the greatest number of lives with as much casual indifference as you possibly can.

50 on 50

All right y'all, this is my 50th post as a blogger. To commemorate the 50th instance of bored ramblings from an unremarkable mind, I tried to come up with something special. First, you'll notice that I updated the blog's design and placed a way feng shui picture of a tree at the top of the blog. I've given considerable thought as to what my 50th post should be. I thought about blogging about the apostasy filled church meeting last week, or my mechanics inability to fix my air conditioner regardless of the significant monetary sums paid to him, but those didn't seem right. I then considered doing a rundown of some new tunes that are playing in my mp3 player lately, but that seemed to standard and I haven't really had any good tip offs about up and coming indie artists lately. I was going to do a running diary of the VMA's but decided that mere words were insufficient to convey just how bad that whole freak show was. I then briefly considered doing an update on the presidential election in the form of another "If they were bands" post, but decided I would save it for later in the week. Instead of all of these, I've decided to blog about the most historic 9-11 commemoration that will ever happen. An event so monumental that your children's children will be talking about it. I'm talking, of course, about the rap battle between Kanye West and 50 Cent that airs tomorrow, September 11, on the BET program 106 & Park (check local listings for times).

Some of you might be thinking, "I don't like rap, how could this possibly affect me?" Well, I don't like terrorists, but somehow, they keep affecting my life. More to the point, it's important that we be aware of our surroundings and the important events that occur in our world, and this is the most important rap beef since Biggie and Tupac.

That fight did impact your life whether you know it or not. Tupac died, basically eliminating the most socially conscious voice in the mainstream rap/hip-hop community at the time. Then Biggie died, and Puff Daddy was able to prostitute the memory of his friend to make millions of dollars degrading classic rock tunes by sampling the music and replacing the lyrics with the tripe that had the musical nutritional value of a twinkie. His success perpetuated itself on selling an image, through flashy music videos and eye-catching public appearances. The music industry realized that it didn't need people with talent to create music sensations and rushed to put out pre-fabricated stars who valued image over substance. Subsequently, kids quit spending money on musically talented alternative acts or worthwhile hip-hop artists and started spending their money on Britney Spears, AFI, Ja Rule, and other "artists" whose image was strictly manipulated by the record companies. Since the music was no longer important, there was no need to to sell CD's. Why listen to a music act whose whole appeal is derived from being seen? Since the Music was no longer important, MTV quit playing music video, preferring instead to show reality shows of Abercrombie models and rich spoiled brats being as promiscuous and titillating as possible to drive up ratings. When music videos were shown, they were constantly interrupted by annoying visuals and distractions so no one would notice the sub-par music. To compensate for lost CD revenue, record companies drove the price up (which they'd been doing for years anyway). Prices topped out at a ridiculous $20 or more for a CD which might only have one good song. Music lovers tried to fight back by downloading the music they wanted and avoid paying obscene fees for music. Most real musicians were secretly delighted as they only cared about having their music heard. They only made an average of 50 cents off a CD anyway. However, a few control hungry bands (I'm talking to you Lars Ulrich) and greedy record producers combined to shut Napster down. Technology found a way and music downloading continued to flourish on limewire and Kazaa, a company designed and conceived with one express purpose, avoid litigation. Music downloading made consumers the boss, and allowed them to find the artists they liked. Artists focused on putting their music out there for people to hear, on the net or on myspace, and contented themselves with making money off concerts and licensing fees (Is there a flaming lips song that hasn't been used in a car commercial?). The indie scene flourished and is in the middle of a dramatic renaissance. Subpop, an indie label famous for signing Nirvana and other acts I guarantee you know and love, is now one of the hottest labels out there. The indie band, The Shins released an album this year that debuted at #2 on the charts. Now, I'm not saying that the Biggie Tupac fight caused all of this, but the current state of music has its roots in a rap beef that has directly and indirectly influenced music in the years subsequent.

So, why is the Kanye v. 50 battle important? Neither of them can hold a candle to NWA or Tupac. Neither of them are especially intelligent (50 Cent is a barely literate felon and Kanye, well, just go watch the clip of him an Mike Myers on the Hurricane Katrina fundraiser). The importance in this rap battle comes from a fundamental difference in style and background. Kanye is the son of an English professor and was raised in an upper middle class home. 50 cent is the child of a drug dealer. He grew up on the streets and went to jail. This fight is about two different outlooks and two different styles. Which view will win out? The results might tell you something about our society. I know I'll be watching.

The Issues

So, today was probably the worst church meeting I've been to since I've moved to Vegas. I'll probably blog about it later this week, but the horror is too fresh in my mind to blog about it right now. The upshot is, I really want to go to a new ward, and might even consider a family ward just to get out. Anyway, to ease my pain, I've spent the day immersed in socially conscious New Zealand music. My friend Matt recently turned me on to Flight of the Conchords and I'm hooked. Below is one of my favorite Flight of the Conchords videos. Usually, I prefer more esoteric Indie Rock, but I think that the issues that they break down in this song are so universal that they appeal to everyone, and they certainly spoke to me. Enjoy.

This semester

Generally, I only blog when bored in class. It looks like I'll be blogging a lot this semester. Generally, I don't blog specific law school events because I know people from my class read this and I don't want to risk offending anyone. I'm making an exception because, well, I've quit caring.

Here's the rundown on my classes and my first impressions.

Evidence- Monday Wednesday at 3:00

The jury is still out on this class, but so far its okay. It earns bonus marks for the Professor having cancelled class this past wednesday and not marking two additional classes at 6:00 am in the morning to make up for it like a certain professor I had in the spring decided to do. The Prof. showed an incomprehensible film clip at the end of last class about a Southern guy who looked like an extra from "O Brother, Where Art Thou." Apparently the guy may or may not have killed his brother who was in great pain after having accidentally attacked himself with a chain saw several years earlier. I swear I am not making this up. The film had literally nothing to do with the class, but it one points for the unintentional comedy that came from interviews of really old rednecks who had obviously consumed copious amounts of spirituous beverages in their lifetime. Best part: When asked why the police would want to frame him for murder, the old gentleman smiles, showing his three remaining teeth, picks up a handful of dirt, points to a field looking suspiciously like a toxic waste dump, and says, "This land, this land here is what they are after." Camera starts to shake as newsman tries hard not to break out laughing.

Public Privacy and Defamation
Mondays and Wednesdays at 7:45 p.m.

Surprising good class. Cases involve celebrities, tatoo artists, scandals, etc. If nothing else, the case book is a juicy read. Plus, advanced torts are on the Bar Exam so it is at least useful.

Con Law II
Tuesday Thursday 1:30

I used to think that Con Law I was the most useless class ever, now I know I was wrong. I haven't actually opened the book yet because we don't really go through the cases. We just talk about the history of the law and our feelings. It's like being trapped in an episode of Oprah, only without the free pontiac. Add to that the fact that a number of people in the class make up for lack of thinking ability by vocally stating uninformed positions on whatever issues the class is discussing. Every time I leave this class I feel dumber. I just dread going because I know I don't get that hour and a half of my life back, and it is time I could spend doing something more enjoyable than sitting in that class, like bathing in sulfuric acid. It's just not a good class.

Wills Trusts and Estates
Monday Wednesday 3:00.

I love this class. It's useful, I learn things. I leave knowing more than when I went in. Why is it so hard to have a similar experience in other classes? The Prof knows his stuff and the textbook actually explains things clearly. Plus, every case is about people dying and the class is filled with lots of black humor. My twisted sense of humor thrives in this kind of setting and I love it. Plus, there are no class participation points so there is no need to suck up to the Prof., who has made it pretty clear he doesn't like people who kiss his butt.

That's the schedule for the semester. It's nice and lax which means I can get a job if I want, plus, I have time to run. If I get in four miles tonight, and get in my full run Saturday then I will hit 35 miles this week. And yes, it is 100+ degrees outside every day and no, I don't care.

Yo la tengo

Sorry to make two video posts in a row, but I stumbled on an old Yo La Tengo video that I had to post. It features the band as well as David Cross and Bob Odenkirk, who you might remember from Arrested Development and many a Will Ferrell movie. Check it out, its well worth a look.

Mother

This one's for you, mom.

Darfur

I've made the occasional reference to Darfur in the past, and for those of you who know me, you know that I feel strongly that the world's failure to intervene there is just unconscionable. It's one of the few socially responsible positions that I hold. I know a lot of people have no idea what's going on there and I saw a pretty good breakdown of the situation today and posted it on my Facebook page. However, I know that some people stubbornly refuse to enter the 21st century and sign up for facebook (I'm not going to mention anyone specific, I don't want to embarrass Michelle) so I thought that I would post the link here.

The situation in Darfur briefly explained:

http://awesome.goodmagazine.com/transparency/006/trans006tellmemore.html

Why you may need a will.

So, in a rare moment of Social Consciousness, I've decided to actually tackle a serious subject in today's blog. I thought today I might show off a bit of the old legal education.

I'm guessing that most of the 3 or 4 people who are so beset by boredom that they read this blog are around my age. This means they are firmly in the mid twenties age bracket. People in their mid twenties tend to not have wills, and could probably use one.

A lot of people in their 20's tend not to have a will because they figure, "hey, I don't really have a wife and kids, I really don't need a will. I don't really care what happens to my stuff when I die." Most people in their mid-twenties also tend to believe that they are invincible and won't die anyway. They tend to believe this in spite of the fact that they drive way too fast, drink enough liquor to fry Shamu's liver, sleep far too little, eat junk food, exercise poor hygiene, snort mysterious powders, and have indiscriminate sex with people best described as human petri dishes. If anything, people are MORE likely to die in their 20's than in their 30's and 40's. Yet, this idea that "I don't need a will, death isn't an issue for me" still seems to prevail.

In some cases, that may be true. When you die, your possessions will all go to your next of kin, most likely your parents. All your possessions. That means that your extensive collection of pornography, your personal journal, embarrassing photos, x-rated toys, your stash of cocaine, etc., will go into the possession of your parents. Think hard. Are there things you own that you would prefer your parents did not know about? If that answer is yes, you need to get a will, appoint an executor, and leave instructions which friend you want to leave your hydroponics experiments to.

Another issue to consider, what happens if your parents are divorced? Do you want your parents fighting over your stuff? Maybe your parents are the rare example of an amicably divorced couple who could come together and work this type of thing out. However, most divorced couples loathe each other and never miss an opportunity to fight, especially over children. A will is a good way to avoid that kind of fighting.

Now, some of you might be young and married. When you expire, your stuff generally all goes to your spouse. No real issue, unless there are things that you don't want your spouse to have, like, your collection of porn, letters from old girlfriends, the number to the trust account you set up for your Vietnamese mistress, etc. Another problem is what if you and a significant other are shacking up? If you want anything to go to them, it just makes life easier on everyone if you have a will in place.

If you have a kid, it's time to get a will. If you aren't married then you need to establish that the stuff goes to your kid, or doesn't go to the kid, etc. It is possible that you will die in some horrible accident and that there will be a settlement with your estate. You need a will to specify if you want stuff from your estate to go to your kid. It generally will anyway, but again, why leave anyone room to fight about stuff. Families get torn apart by dividing inheritance. Also, maybe there are kids you want to cut out of your will. Ungrateful little buggers, you can disinherit every last one of them.

The problem that married couples face is what happens if both of you die, and you have a child. See, if one of you dies, the legal part is simple, the spouse gets all your stuff and raises your kid. Your spouse then marries someone richer and better looking than you, your kid changes his last name, and then grows up to gain a drug habit and blame you for all of his problems because you died before he ever got to really know you. However, if you both die, then your assets are all complicated and impossible to sort out, and the in-laws fight over who raises the kid. Now, you probably don't really care about your assets, your young and married which means you are likely poor and have nothing cool. However, the kid thing should worry you. Do you really want a court to decide who will be the legal guardian of your child? Why would you ever leave that in the hands of a judge? Unpleasant as it is, you absolutely need to talk with your spouse about the subject, designate a guardian, make sure the guardian would be okay with it, make sure that people know about it, and for heaven sakes, PUT IT IN WRITING. Also good to put in writing, whether or not you want to be kept alive on a ventilator if you are brain dead and in a coma/vegetative state. If you want to really be prepared, talk about how you feel about organ donation and put that in writing as well. (P.S. if you say no to organ donation, you just suck and you are probably the kind of person who won't be having a large, well-attended funeral).

Admittedly, the possibilities of your ever needing the will are small, however, so are the chances of your house burning down. Do you have fire insurance? It's the same deal. You hope you never need the will, but you need to have it in place just in case the situation ever arises. Part of being a responsible adult is preparing for the future, and planning for unpleasant contingencies. A will is not expensive, and generally doesn't have to be complicated. I start my wills class next week and hopefully by the end of the semester I will revisit this topic and tell everyone what they need to do to write their own will and make it official. Sorry for a semi-serious post and I promise next time to get back to absurdist, scatalogical ramblings.

Interview

Really good interview with D.L. Hughley is up at the Onion AV Club. If you don't know who he is apart from his role on Studio 60, he's one of the few comedians out there calling things like they are. He found himself in the middle of a controversy earlier this year when he defended Don Imus by saying that the Rutgers Women's Basketball team was, in fact, very ugly. His interview is some of the most refreshing commentary on race relations you will read this year and I highly recommend it. Warning: Interview does contain some profanity.

http://www.avclub.com/content/interview/d_l_hughley

I believe...

I believe....

That Barry Bonds has raped the sport of baseball.

That Harry Potter 7 deserves a Pulitzer Prize

That DeNiro deserves an Oscar for Stardust.

That Hillary Clinton is a Robot.

That the Padres have a shot at the Wild Card even though they have no discernable hitting on their roster.

That Hinder are doing the songs Aerosmith would be doing if they were still alive.

That Lindsay Lohan's personal life is far more entertaining than any movie she has ever done.

That Mitt Romney is unelectable.

That Skip Bayless should not be allowed near a microphone.

That A-Rod will own the homerun record in 5 years.

That the Chargers will be forced to murder their coach before Thanksgiving.

That Larry Bird will be forced out of the Pacers front office, and that Doc Rivers will be suddenly fired, paving the way for Danny Ainge to Bring Larry Legend in as Celtics coach.

That Kobe Bryant will eventually be on trial for murder.

That male perms are going to be a huge fad before the year 2010.

That Osama Bin Laden is dead in a cave in Pakistan.

That George W. Bush and Bill Clinton will both be largely forgotten as unimportant Presidents.

From ESPN.com -- Page 2