Simsisms

Why I support Herman Cain

2011-11-11T23:22:00.001-08:00

Sometimes people ask me who I intend tovote for in the next election, and I tell them truthfully: HermanCain. When I say this people think I'm joking. The reasons for thisseem to be:

1) Herman Cain is not a good candidate

2) I generally speak with suchColbert-ian levels of irony that everything I say (especially thispost) is generally to be taken with a grain of salt.

But, the truth is Herman Cain is aterrible candidate and that is exactly the reason that I am votingfor him. The fact that I honestly and truly want a bad candidate towin underscores one of the key and rarely talked about failings ofour system: namely, that in a system based on self interest, one'sinterest might include pain, misery and suffering of others.

First, let's agree that Herman Cainshould, in a perfect world, not be president. He has no foreignpolicy experience, no political experience, and in the dominant issueof our time, the economy, he seems completely clueless. His keyeconomic proposal is the "9-9-9" plan.¹ The9-9-9 plan as Cain describes it essentially calls for a 9% corporatetax, 9% income tax, and 9% sales tax. This is not a good plan. Thismassively lowers taxes on high brackets and raises it on the poorer47% of Americans who actually don't pay income tax under the currentcode. Revenue short falls under this code would be tremendous. ²; Cain has also gone on record as saying that the problems with the housing market could be fixed ifthe government got out of the banks way and let the banks help allthose people stay in their houses. This is possibly the mostridiculous statement made by any person ever. As one who works dailywith people trying to keep their homes, let me tell you thatstatement is silly. You have a better chance of being struck bylightning that receiving a principal write-down from Bank of America. I have seen hostage negotiators give up in frustration in dealingwith banks over a loan modification. That's right, it is less frustrating to deal with AlQueda than a major bank. According to Herman Cain, these banks whohave essentially spent the last four years giving the finger toanyone who had the audacity to ask for their help, are the exactpeople we should trust to help keep people in their homes now. Thisis the rough equivalent to entrusting airport security to theTaliban.

On top of the lack of experience andglaring stupidity of his economic policy, Cain also has numerousallegations of sexual harassment surrounding him. I'm notsaying I believe any of these allegations; they seem as credible as apaternity suit against Justin Beiber. However, the fact that he puthimself in a postion where not one, but several potentialgold-diggers, could even bring these accusations calls into questionhis judgment and moral character. Rick Perry is far more sleezy thanCain and yet he seems to have kept his bimbo eruptions under control. How can a man with this kind of moral haze around him, who does nothave the excuse of being married to Hillary Clinton, aspire to be theleader of the free world? I submit to you, Herman Cain is a terriblecandidate and his policies would lead to economic chaos anddevastation and hurt the country. That is why, Herman Cain is theman I am voting for.

Why would I want someone as clearly bad as Herman Cain? Like most good lawyers, I make myliving off of other people's misfortunes. In my case, I practiceBankrutpcy Law. Bankruptcy has been in a boom the last few years. First as people filed to save their houses. Now, As the economyfurther deteriorates, people who would never have dreamed of filingbankruptcy are now finding it is their only option. Lately I seepeople lose their jobs, try their hardest to keep current on theirobligations but eventually burn through their savings. When they askfor understanding and help from financial institutions to whom theyhave been good and loyal clients they are rewarded with contempt andabuse. They find that the Banks and Lenders they paid faithfully foryears have buried clauses into their contracts that allow them todramatically raise interest rates and pile on fees. People find thatwhen they are already desperate and sinking, their creditors standready to lead them out into deeper waters and watch them drown. It'sa terrible tragedy, but without it I couldn't put food on my table.

I won't lie, the housing crisis is thegreatest thing that has ever happened to me. It caused Bankruptcyfilings to increase exponentially. The Obama administration hasproved stunningly incompetent in dealing with the crisis, and I thankthem for that. Without the many Obama programs dedicated to givingthe illusion of help, without actually giving meaningful relief, Icould never have bought my 55" flat screen TV. If the HAMPprogram were actually designed to work, or if the president actuallygot tough and imposed consequences on banks for treating people likedirt, I would not be able to watch football in HD. I owe a lot tothe Obama Administration. Their demonstrated ineptness has been verygood to me. Still, I think Herman Cain might be even better to me.

I realize that many people mayconsider me a horrible person for saying this, but I don't want aneconomic recovery. I want the housing market to stay soft and realunemployment to remain in double digits. I have student loans andthe more bankruptcies I file, the faster they get paid off. The factis, my self interest demands that the economy stay in ruins, so theperson I want to be president is the person who is most likely tokeep the economy circling the drain. I believe that person to be Herman Cain. Granted, none of the otherrepublican candidates is really all that promising and the problemswith the economy are so severe that no one may be able to fix them,but why take a chance? While I'm content that Obama is bad atgetting the economy on track, there is a very good chance that HermanCain will actively make things worse.

For those of you who think that votingmy self-interest makes me a bad person, I have to disagree. If anyof you are Republican, you can't think negatively of my positionwithout being a gross hypocrite. Self interest, we are told, is thecornerstone of democracy. Ayn Rand wrote lengthy diatribes about howthe noblest virtue is the pursuit of one's own self-interest. AtlasShrugged is a billion page love note to pursuing self interest, andit is the basis of the entire republican party. Self-Interest is theentire foundation of Capitalism. If you in any way have a problemwith me intentionally tanking the system to get ahead then you are afraud and a liar.

The fact that it is in my selfinterest to have the worst person possible elected presidenthighlights one of the basic flaws in modern republican thinking. Modern republican ideology dictates that man should pursue selfinterest, government should be limited and get out of the way ofpursuing my self interest unless I am treading on the rights ofanother person or fetus. The problem with this is that for a largenumber of people, it is in our self interest to screw everyone elseover.

Want to know why 4 years later thereis no meaningful progress on the housing crisis? Or why creditdefault swaps remain unregulated? Because a lot of rich, andpowerful people have a vested interest. That's why. There's lots ofmoney riding on keeping the status firmly as quo and the fact that ithurts millions of people is sad, but ultimately not as important as making money. When you set up a system in which you encourage self interest, and donot temper it or tame it with a sense of community, ofinterdependence, or basic decency, then you get a system in whichpeople mislead consumers about the credit rating of mortgage backedsecurities. You get a system where you sell homes to people whocan't afford them, and then foreclose on the house and leave it emptyrather than sell it back to the prior owner at a reasonable price. In short, when you set up a system where its every man for himself,you may wind up alone and unhappy, and broke because it was insomeone else's interest. You may get the kind of system where HermanCain is someone's idea of the perfect president.

1 This plan is most familiar as the default tax rate in the computer game "Simcity". Players of the game refer to it as "the tax scheme you need to immediately change if you don't want your town to fail."^↩2 And please, spare us the argument that when we reduce the taxes on therich from 33% to 9% that they are going to go invest all of thatincome and grow the economy. Corporate America is already currentlysitting on trillions of dollars capital because of an unstablemarket, and pretty much have been since the collapse of LehmanBrothers. There's no reason to think they aren't just going to siton more of it for years to come.^↩

Christmas Song

2010-12-14T22:12:00.000-08:00

An old favorite here on Simsisms, here is one of our favorite Christmas themed songs, from the twisted mind of Tom Waits.

Back with some tunes

2010-10-23T00:30:00.000-07:00

What I'm Listening to Lately

I haven't updated the blog lately as I've been posting most things to my tumblr account. I prefer tumblr and think it is generally a better platform for blogging and just easier to work with than Blogger. I'd intended to do all future blogging on tumblr, but that account has pretty much become exclusively dedicated to things financial or bankruptcy related. I've decided to go back to posting on Simsisms to use it for my rantings and musings on all things non-bankruptcy. I still recommend keeping up with the tumblr account as I try to keep the links educational and worth the time to read

Today's entry is dedicated to spreading the word on some of the tunes that I've been kicking around my ipod lately. Some of them are old, some of them are new, and all told the represent an eclectic mix that should have something for everyone.

Watch Your Step - Ted Hawkins

I don't know how a huge blues hound like myself never heard of this guy until recently, but he's freaking amazing. Not quite the blues, not quite folk, 100% awesome. I think the most compelling singers are the ones who can captivate a room with nothing more than an acoustic guitar and a unique voice. Guys like Neil Young, Bob Dylan are always going to find room on my play list ahead of pop acts with ninety people in them. A wise man once said all a real songwriter needs are three chords and the truth; Hawkins is in that great tradition and his voice just feels authentic.

Out of the Blue - Julian Casablancas

Lead singer of The Strokes, I like this song as much as anything that has come out of that group. It's just so freaking catchy. Youtube took down the clip of him playing this on Fallon's show backed up by the roots, which sucks because it was actually better than the studio version of the song. You are on notice NBC. Stop preventing people from seeing your product! There's a reason why no one watches your network anymore.

Lake Michigan - Rogue Wave

It's official, I am a sucker for mid 00's indie music. I make no apologies. Less famous than Eyes, but still good.

You Still Hurt Me - William Fitzsimmons

What's that? Why yes, I am currently obsessed with the modern revival of acoustic music with folk leanings. What's your point?

Madder Red - Yeasayer

From acoustic folk, to weird and progressive. I've loved Yeasayer for a while, and they scored major points with their latest release by having the official video for this song star Kristen Bell, whom I am completely in love with. I will even become a vegetarian if she will marry me. If anyone knows her send her my way.

The Cave - Mumford and Sons

I actually prefer Little Lion Man but I'm posting this because there's no swearing in this song. Still a great song and it contains one of my favorite sadly underused musical elements: the acoustic guitar in a crazy alternate tuning. Not used nearly enough in music today and Mumford and Sons uses it frequently. How can you not love that? People should write more songs in open d tuning.

The Gardner - The Tallest Man on Earth

I've posted this song before, but dangit, I still love it. Who knew that the next Bob Dylan was some malnourished Swedish dude? Anyone posting anything likening him to Sigur Ros will be shot.

The Smiths - Girlfriend in a Coma

This song gets about as dark as you can and still remain subtle. Darkly comic and at the same time more disturbing than anything today's inked up, pierced out emo kids can try and put out.

Tumblr

2010-06-06T11:42:00.000-07:00

I've opened up a new blog on tumblr. So far I'm liking it, it may take the place of this blog, but I am undecided. In the meantime, check out my intellectual flatulence at bkbastard.tumblr.com

Terra Cotta Hope

2010-04-14T22:30:00.001-07:00

Awhile ago I made a post where if you gave me a title, I would write the movie. Basically, hollywood movies are so formulaic that anyone could write them, you just get a title, pick a genre, and throw in a few cliche's. Roll camera and boom, you have yourself a blockbuster movie. So today's movie is terra Cotta Hope.

Terra Cotta Hope is a coming of age story, it stars Dakota Fanning, or someone in that vein. Now, Dakota is a troubled teen, see. Not too troubled, cause audiences don't like their protagonists to be bulemic, or to be obsessed with cutting on themselves. But Dakota is starting to get into trouble, she mouths off to her single mom, and gets busted smoking pot or shoplifting twinkies or something. Dakota has an angry confrontation with Mom, played by Tea Leoni where she says she doesn't think her life will go anywhere and she has no hope of anything good in her life.

So, to deal with the unruly teen, she is shipped off to live with Grandma in the Rural town of Terra Cotta, famous for its dairies and small town living. Dakota is forced to help grandma, who's played by Betty White, by doing chores, which she does with a major attitude at first, but then throughout the movie she learns to love. Dakota gets to know the goofy characters from around the town, and develops a crush on neighborhood boy, played by whatever that kid's name is from the Sparkly- Vampire movie. Not the Vampire, the other kid. The one who's not gay. I forget his name. So, Dakota and Not-Vampire fall in love, through the magic of roping cattle or something, and she's learning to like the town and appreciate the value of hard work and time with Grandma. But, the evil bank/real estate developer, played by Kevin Pollack, wants grandma to sell the property, so they can put up a new resort or highway, or something that sounds evil and greedy which audience members would no-doubt use, but can still project hatred towards without feeling hypocritical. But Grandma won't sell because no matter how much they offer, it can't match the value of the memories she's made at her home. Finally, the stress of the situation causes grandma to collapse, and she's unconscious in the hospital.

Dakota's mom flies back to Terra Cotta, the small town she spent her whole life swearing she'd never go back to. And with grandma unconscious, and mom worried about how they will pay the medical bills, Mom agrees to sign over the house to the evil banker. Dakota will be crying and want to give up, but then Not-gay-vampire will tell her that if she really loves Terra Cotta, then she should just go tell her mom how she feels. Just as mom is about to sign over the deed, which will inexplicably take place in the hospital (how she has legal authority to do this will be explained in passing somehow), Dakota will make a heart warming speech about how the house can't be sold, and will tell all about how her time in Terra Cotta has taken her off the path of being a crack whore and shown her that life is good. Mom is impressed with all the not-crack whoriness of Dakota and says they won't sell, just then, Grandma wakes up echoes everyones sentiments of not selling. Evil banker dude goes away mad. Grandma and Mom hug, and Dakota and Not Vampire dude kiss. Roll Credits.

30?

2010-04-14T22:25:00.000-07:00

Greetings Blog-followers. Apologies for the lengthy absence (No, Michelle, I haven't forgotten about Terra Cotta Hope, The plot is complete in my mind, I just haven't had a chance to put it down on paper, but you'll love it). The purpose for this post is to solicit ideas for what I should do for my 30th birthday. It occurs to me that I have no clue what I did for my 20th birthday, and I figure I ought to mark this occasion. So, shoot me a text, email, IM, facebook message, or post in the comments section on what I should do for my 30th birthday.

In honor of LT leaving San Diego

2010-03-04T22:14:00.001-08:00

I'll write the movie soon, but first, to commemorate LT leaving San Diego, here's a video which I simply cannot watch enough times.

New Feature

2010-02-28T00:33:00.000-08:00

Time for a new feature at simsisms. This one is called, Brad Writes the Movie. All you have to do is give me the title, and I will write the movie pitch, complete with all the hollywood cliches you know and love. Post a title below, or tell me in person. I'll pick one and make up the movie on the spot.

Judge Alex

2010-02-26T21:25:00.000-08:00

You gotta love Alex Kozinski. Said the judge in this recent appellate ruling from USA v. Lemus:

"The panel goes to considerable lengths to approve a fishing expedition by four police officers inside Lemus’s home after he was arrested just outside it. The opinion misapplies Supreme Court precedent, conflicts with our own case law and is contrary to the great weight of authority in the other circuits. It is also the only case I know of, in any jurisdiction covered by the Fourth Amendment, where invasion of the home has been approved based on no showing whatsoever. Nada. Gar nichts. Rien du tout. Bupkes.

Did I mention that this was an entry into somebody’s home, the place where the protections of the Fourth Amendment are supposedly at their zenith?"

Thanks Alex!

Credit Cards

2010-02-19T07:28:00.001-08:00

Great link on why credit cards will keep you in debt forever

http://www.cracked.com/funny-4179-credit-cards/

Bringing some swagger back to Vegas

2010-01-24T20:16:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know, Las Vegas is in a bit of a depression. Housing prices in this town have fallen over 50%, the official unemployment rate is around 13%, but the estimates for the actual unemployment are somewhere around 1 in 5. There are no big commercial construction projects left now that City Center is completed, and things are looking mighty bleak for Vegas.

It wasn't always this way. Las Vegas used to be synonymous with a never ending party. In the halcyon days of this town, the Nations greatest entertainers used this as their playground. These guys used to be the image you thought of when you thought of Vegas:

Now Vegas the image of Vegas is more akin to this:

As for celebrities, mostly they come here to embarass themselves or to be seen at nightclubs, rather than give positive entertainment.

I love Vegas, I can't stand to see my once proud city reduced to a punchline. That's why I'm committed to bringing Vegas back its swagger, back its cachet, back its dignity. I'm committed to treating Vegas like we're back in those Rat Pack days where infectious enthusiasm and upbeat entertainment reigned. To kick it off, I'm sending out the call to everyone going to the Robindale Valentine's Dinner to "Rat Pack" it up. You don't have to wear a Tux, but dress to impress. Dress like you're gonna go out and have a good time, like these guys would:

We may not have the Rat Pack, but we're gonna make our own modern offshoot. We'll call it the Frat Pack, or the Brad Pack, or the Mormon Mafia, or something. But we're going to dedicate ourselves to having a good time and finding upbeat ways to entertain ourselves!

10 Things to Look Forward to 2010

2010-01-10T10:22:00.001-08:00

1. The Final Season of Lost

That's right, after 5 years of mind blowing exposition we are finally going to find out what the crap is going on with that crazy island. We're going to find out what happened when Juliet hit the bomb, if the Universe course corrects itself, who is impersonating John Locke, and whether Jack's man of Science or John's man of Faith was right. Get your TiVo set!

2. World Cup Soccer

Yes! Watchable soccer! Fanatical devotion to your favorite team, trash talking, waking up early to watch games. I love it. Don't lie, you are excited for this too! I might have to buy a big screen just to watch this.

3. No more sports heroes left to disappoint.

That's right, everyone who could embarass and tarnish their legacy already has! It's safe to watch sports again and root for people and not worry that stuff in their personal life will surface that will make you feel bad for rooting for them. Tiger Woods? His legacy is toast. Michael Jordan? We already found out he's a colossally self important jerk and all his teammates hated him, and he pretty much torched his legacy with his hall of fame speech. Andre Agassi copped to being a huge meth user. Every baseball player you ever loved has pretty much been shown to have used steroids. There is no one left to disappoint you! It can only go up from here!

4. iPad!

Oh yes, am geeking out. Apple is coming out with a tablet computer and it is going to be ~~expensive~~ awesome! It'll work as an eReader, computer, and all-around sweet toy.

5. Elections

That's right, mid term elections! Whether you are a democrat or republican, you get a chance to make your voice heard! The good news is many of the tired incumbents who have been there for years are retiring rather than lose an election. That means NEW BLOOD! No matter which side wins you will get a change! 2010!

6. A-Team!

I'm sure that there will be better movies in 2010, but there is no movie I am looking forward to as much as the A-Team. My favorite show as a kid. I used to run around pretending that I was John "Hannibal" Smith and that I was jumping in slo-mo onto a bad guy. Here's to reliving your childhood!

7. Arrested Development Movie!

It's finally going forward. The funniest show of the last decade is going to be the smartest comedy movie of this decade. Can't wait to see it!

8. Global Warming will make the winter short!

If you believe in Global Warming, then smile. At least this winter will be short and we will have an awesome spring where you can go out running, and hiking, and kayaking! How is that not exciting!? If you don't believe in Global Warming, then smile! The world is not slowly dying, which means more time to go out running, hiking, and kayaking! How is that not exciting!? Either way, we win in 2010, weather-wise.

9. USC Branded as the cheaters we all knew they were!

And they lost Pete Carroll! The basketball program has voluntarily undertaken sanctions for its cheating with OJ Mayo. The football program will probably get hit with sanctions for all the stuff with Reggie Bush. Pete Carroll is off to the frigid wasteland of Seattle, a team so terrible that Mike Holmgren couldn't make them work (they should've won that superbowl. Not winning it is a testament to the futility of rooting for the Seahawks). Pete will get fired after a couple years, and he'll go wind up in some other college program. In the meantime, UCLA can become the dominant L.A. football team they were meant to be.

10. Rampant Snoopy Dancing as people make the world a better place.

That's right, people everywhere are committing to make the world a better place by making themselves a better member of the human race. Goals are being set and if we all encourage and help each other, goals will be achieved! We can make change happen! 2010!

20 in 2010!

2010-01-03T22:09:00.000-08:00

I've decided that 2010 is the year of making the world a better place. I'm going to be better, and I'm going to motivate the people around me to be better. I've already established 10 things I'm going to do as far as personal goals. That's well and good, but 2010 is not just about making yourself better, it's about making the world a better place, one good deed at a time. To that end, I am issuing a challenge. I'm challenging myself, and anyone else who believes that you can make a difference and make the world a better place, to commit to doing 20 amazingly good deeds in 2010. They don't have to be large, but they have to be meaningful. 20 good deeds. That's a little less than 2 a month. This is completely doable. I want everyone to post a similar challenge on their blog, and to commit to blogging about a good deed. You don't have to blog on every good deed, I know that some people don't make 20 blob posts a year, but it would be nice if you did post a description of as many good deeds as time and circumstances will allow. Remember, 2010 is our year. We're not going to elect someone to change the world, we're not going to hope someone else will do it. We are going to change the world through our own positive thoughts, words, and deeds. That is what 2010 is all about. Are you with me?

10 things in 2010!

2010-01-03T21:57:00.000-08:00

Someone pointed out to me that it is not enough to simply make a goal to be possessed with the relentless spirit of contagious optimism, that I actually should make specific goals for what I will do to make 2010 amazing. Here are some of the things I'm proposing to accomplish in 2010: The Year of the Snoopy dance!

1) Pay off my car

Ideally, I will have this done by my birthday. This is important to me, because after this the only debt I have in my life is my student loans. Granted, that debt is the size of a small mortgage, but still. I want to kick debt out of my life. I don't want to spend my life a slave to my creditors! Slavery is not in harmony with 2o10!

2) Argue and win a major case.

Selfish ego oriented goal!

3) Go Paintballing.

4) Swim a cumulative total of 200 miles.

Since I swam a cumulative total of 2 this past year, I have my work cut out for me. Time to tear up that rotator cuff.

5) Read the Book of Mormon 2X

6) Rediscover my abs!

7) Take a yoga class.

Why must my favorite Yoga Instructor teach way over in Henderson? I may have to take up martial arts instead.

8) Rediscover recreational reading.

9) Open a Roth IRA

10) File 300 cases in a month.

This last one probably means nothing to anyone, but I want to achieve this because my firm has never done it and I want to make some history! (Plus they'll pay me scads of cash if we hit 300)

2010!

2010-01-01T13:32:00.000-08:00

Welcome 2010. I'm glad to meet you. Let's dance.

The last decade saw terrorism, partisanship, cynicism, and a host of other things good and bad.

2010, this the year that we are going make into what we want. Change will happen because we will make it happen. Out with the bad, the negative, that which drags us down. 2010 will be different. 2010 will be positive. There will be down moments, sure. There always are. For how would we appreciate the good times of 2010 without the bad. But this year, the good will overshadow the bad. The Light will shine through the darkness. Hold your head up high, world. Lift those feet high, put your nose to the sky. It's the year of the SNOOPY DANCE! The dance of relentless optimism!

Decades Best 2: Music

2009-12-17T20:52:00.000-08:00

Apologies for last weeks post in which I declared Avatar a great movie. I will be moving it to the colossal disappointment column. I have a lot to say on that movie, but I'll save it for a post. Maybe this week if I'm lucky. Here are the decades best tunes. I put up some clips to go along. I tried to get live performances for each of the songs as I prefer live versions of most songs. Enjoy the list and don't forget to post in the comments section with anyone you feel I missed (Celine Dion suggestions will get you banned).

Arcade fire-Intervention; Rebellion

The 2000's was the decade where control of music was finally wrestled away from the evil men in suits who had poisoned it for so long. Indie Rock rose to new prominence as file sharing on the internet meant that you could download any song you wanted at any moment for free, and the masses were no longer forced to opnly listen to the music that the suits put out there. This paved the way for bands like Death Cab For Cutie, and the current indie golden boys du jour, Arcade Fire, to have an audience they never would have found 10 years ago. Arcade Fire is a great band who put out a stellar record about death, and then followed it up with a stellar record about life. No best of the decade list is complete if it doesn't contain at least one of these two songs.

Beck- Lost Cause; Clap Hands; E-Pro

No way can we talk about music this decade without Beck, who never met a genre he didn't like. Nausea is probably a better song, but Lost Cause is dark, personal, and depressing. Me like. Second video is for a throwaway b-side from the Guerro recordings that found new life in the live shows. Completely awesome. Last clip I threw in because honestly, how cool is it that Beck hires a dude to run around the stage and dance. Plus, the song is really good.

Amen Omen, Ben Harper

2000's saw a new rise in Acoustic songs. I've always felt that the best and purest music comes from a lone guitarist whose song consists of 3 chords and the truth. For one man to hold a room captive with an acoustic guitar is impressive. Harper is one of the most consistent in that area and this is my favorite Ben Harper song.

Skinny Love, Bon Iver
Another good acoustic track. Maybe because its so recent, but this song just felt fresher than anything I had heard in a long time.

Bright Eyes-At the bottom of everything

Connor Oberst could have probably been the next Dylan if he hadn't killed his brain cells with cocaine and self-righteousness. He's still a great songwriter but his own demons and political nutbaggery insure that he'll probably never make the leap to the next level. Still, when he is on his game, like he was in this track (and much of the Wide Awake It's Morning Album) he puts out some right nice tunes.

Explosions in the sky-Your hand in Mine

One of the best songs of the Decade has no words. Just as well, no words could be as moving as the music by itself is here.

Flaming Lips-Do You Realize; Wand
Why do I get such a kick out of far left nut-jobs with a penchant for the surreal? I have no idea, but the Flaming Lips put out three albums this decade and 1 of them was transcendent and the other 2 weren't bad. If someone out there can find me the giant hands, please contact me.

Fleet Foxes- White Winter Hymnal

An incredible surprise and proof that music is only getting better. This band is the modern day Crosby, Stills and Nash, except they have more that 3 good songs. Take that Steven Stills! If you don't own their whole album, GO BUY IT RIGHT NOW!

The Format-Tie the Rope; The First single

The Format died before its time. There tunes were like anything else, poppy and upbeat, but not in an annoying way. It's a tragedy that these guys weren't the biggest band this decade.

The Rising, Bruce Springsteen-

This song perfectly captures the mood after 9-11. I remember seeing it just about every day in the months following the attack. It had that great, "We're down, but we will get back up and fight" sense to it. This song and U2's Beautiful Day kind of became the post 9-11 anthem about finding optimism in a bleak and dark reality.

You have to click the link on this one because Bruce will not allow embedding because if you don't visit youtube to see the video then the terrorists have won.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNnB4dkVRJI&feature=related

Damien Rice-Cannonball

Why is this list overrun with Irish Folk singers? I don't know, but this was yet another stellar tune from the acoustic madness no prevalent in the 2000's.

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Glen Hansaard and Marketa Irglova-Falling Slowly

If you don't like this song you have no soul. Ogre.

Green Day, Holiday

There was no shortage of Anti-President Bush songs this decade, but this was the best. If you'd told me in 1994 that Green Day would not only be relevant 10 years later, but politically charged and innovative, I probably would have laughed at you.

Iron and Wine-Naked as We Came
More Gleeful acoustic hippyness.

Jimmy Eat World, Sweetness

It wasn't all acoustic hippys running around with beards and birkenstocks this decade. There was also EMO. Jimmy Eat World pretty much started the Emo thing, then EMO came to refer not to pop-punk music with an emotional theme, but instead to dark haired freakish teenagers who cut themselves and avoided sunlight. Thankfully, Jimmy Eat World always kept their music grounded in Rock. This song was literally EVERYWHERE in 2002, and probably is responsible for a slough of terrible bands who run around playing songs very fast in Drop D tuning.

Johnny Cash, Hurt
Best Video of the Decade. The song perfectly embodied Cash, even without the video it's moving. The video depicting Cash everybit as worn out, frail, and depressing as he was as he looked back on better days of his life, many of which he squandered. Trent Reznor, who wrote the song, reportedly cried when he saw the video. It got me the first time I saw it, and now years later it's still about the saddest thing you will ever see.

Joshua Radin, Closer
I will not rest until I convince every person who likes acoustic guitar music that this man is awesome. AWESOME I SAY!

Kanye West-Goldigger

Yet another song that was everywhere. For good reason. It's probably the catchiest hip-hop song of the decade.

Keane, Everybody's Changing
Keane is simply the Best Britpop we got this decade. Even if everything after their first album was dreadful, the first album was good enough that you have to at least listen to their new stuff, hoping that they come up with something this good at least once more.

The Shins, New Slang

Before you start sending angry messages about how The Shins have gotten too mainstream, stop and remember that there was a time that they were the greatest indie band on the planet and if you knew of them, you tried to get all of your friends to listen to them, because hearing their songs was so amazing. Too bad Zach Braff overexposed them and now your idiot friend has a Shins track wedged on the playlist between Miley Cyrus and Brittany Spears.

Spoon, Underdog

Spoon has got to be one of the most exciting bands out there. Their music is almost always good, and you never quite know what they're going to come up with next. The horns and saxes on this album were a bit of a surprise but I loved. them.

Phantom Planet, California
Okay, before this song became used as the theme to the O.C. (overrated during its run, underrated now that it's gone), this was an amazing indie hit. The song still holds up all these years later. Plus, it kind of makes me want to go visit Cali.

Sufjan Stevens, John Wayne Gacy; Chicago

Sufjan Stevens is a freaking genius and everyone should own his stuff. Chicago is a great little tune which captures a feeling about being young and care free, John Wayne Gacy is less about an evil man and more about the evil that is in all of us. What secrets are hidden under the floorboards of your life?

U2, Beautiful Day; Walk On

U2 resurrected its career and reclaimed its status this decade with a Masterpiece album, and two fantastic followups. These two songs were at the right place, at the right time, and perfectly captured the feeling of the time people listened to them. Ironic that they were recorded and released before 9-11, but their message caught on in the wake of the terrible disaster. Life is a beautiful thing and we will continue on even in sadness or sorrow with a hope in better things to come.

The Soggy Bottom Boys, Man of Constant Sorrow
There's a reason this song was everywhere in the early years of the decade. It's really really good. A bluegrassified version of a forgotten Bob Dylan song, if this song didn't get your toes tappin' it was probably because you were dead.

We Are Scientists, After Hours

Why is this song on here? Because it's upbeat and catchy. not everything has to have a deep meaning or significance, you know.

Vampire Weekend, A-Punk

Totally unlike anything else out there, and in a completely good way. I can't wait for their follow up album.

Weezer, Island in the Sun

Weezer, like U2, managed to resurrect itself this decade. Weezer has released a wealth of good songs this decade, but this simple one is my favorite because of its relentless catchiness. You can't help but find yourself humming it a few hours after hearing it.

Wilco-I'm the Man Who Loves You

Yankee, Hotel, Foxtrot was one of the best albums of the decade, not just because of the music, but because of what it symbolized. The record company killed the album, the group put it on their website for free where it gained notoriety, and then the band released it with a new record company to meet the demand from the website downloads and the album became a huge hit. Basically, the fact that this album became a hit soon after the suits at the record company killed it signaled the dawn of the digital music age, and the end of corporate control of your music choices. It's not hard to see why people liked the album, it is nothing short of a masterpiece. Arty enough to reward repeat listenings, but accessible enough that you really dig the songs.

The White Stripes: Seven Nation Army, Death Letter

Probably my favorite band of the decade. Jack White brought back feedback driven, gritty rock. The minimalist setup of the band creates a lean, mean, rocking machine where the music has no fat, no over production, just straight up rocking.

Decades Best Part 1

2009-12-13T16:28:00.001-08:00

The 10 best films I saw this Decade.

The Royal Tenenbaums- Anyone who knows me knows that I have a dark and off kilter sense of humor. People either really love this movie or really hate this movie. I secretly suspect that the people who hate this movie lack the ability to appreciate the finely nuanced humor that rewards repeat viewings. Or maybe they just hate it because it doesn't have explosions, flatulence, or Larry the Cable Guy. This is without a doubt Owen Wilson's best film. Sadly he died shortly after this film was made. Do you understand me? He died. Tragically. He never made Drillbit Taylor. It never happened. You hallucinated it. Next time, just say no to drugs.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy- Probably the funniest movie of the decade that I'm not embarrassed to admit that I liked. It's also one of the most quotable movies of the decade, if not all time. This was back when Will Ferrell was funny. Hard to believe Will Ferrell went from the next big thing to the next Chevy Chase so quickly. Gosh his films have been terrible lately. Brick rules!

About a Boy- I never would have imagined liking a movie that starred Hugh Grant. However, the film about a self-absorbed narcissist is hilarious. And if a guy like him can find love, it brings hope to my family that one day I will fake some poor girl into a marriage.

Memento- Turns standard story telling on its head in a way that has been often imitated but never with the same affect. This movie has some of my favorite story telling conventions. Non-linear narrative, unreliable narrator, and most importantly, Joe Pantoliano.

The Dark Knight-Great story, top notch acting, IMAX scenes, and also the best magic trick in a movie ever (Where did that pencil go?). Batman Begins wasn't exactly slouch filmaking, but this film was masterful in every way. There's nothing in this film that could have been better with the possible exception of *spoiler alert* killing Maggie Gyllenhal earlier. I'm begging the entire Gyllenhal family to refrain from acting. They're just not good. At least her death established a truely terrifying story where characters were legitimately in danger and life for them was a dark and random place where bad things could happen without warning, and who hasn't felt that way about their life from time to time?

Avatar- Smurfs on steroids that blow things up in 3-D? How can this not be the best movie of the decade. I haven't seen it yet and I'm still putting it on the list. I have that much faith in James Cameron. He directed Terminator 2, and the last Aliens movie that wasn't a total disaster. I'm willing to chalk Titanic up to a 200 million dollar practical joke to prove that girls will watch any ridiculous love story a million times as long as the hero is a femmy looking dude who sports boy bangs with whom the heroine couldn't possibly sustain a long term relationship.

Almost Famous- If this movie comes on TNT on a saturday afternoon, you know you will sit there and finish it. It's probably the best movie of the decade. It certainly has the best soundtrack. I defy you not to smile during the Tiny Dancer bus scene. It's not humanly possible. If you don't smile then your soul may be missing. May it was vaporized by global warming. The only complaint I have about this movie is that Cameron Crowe basically had nothing left after he put his heart and soul into this film and his movies since then have been terrible (Elizabethtown, anyone? How high do you have to be to think that either Kristen Dunst or Orlando Bloom can act?)

Gosford Park- Ha! You didn't see that one coming, did you! A commentary on social class disguised as a murder mystery, and the film works on both levels. Good film, even if Robert Altman was a self-important jerk. And yes, I said he was a jerk. I don't care if it is rude to speak ill of the dead. He was and I'm saying it.

The Fog of War- Probably the best documentary of the decade. Robert McNamara is such a compelling figure. Made about the time the Iraq war was starting up, McNamara, the architect of Vietnam raises questions that everyone should ask themselves, and leaves the viewer free to come up with their own answer. A movie about a man who is probably responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people, and the movie does a good job of showing McNamara's reaction to his sins. He never really owns them, but you can see that what he's done weighs on him, and you wonder how certain he is of some of the things he says.

Brick- A classic film noir set in a modern high school. If you are a fan of dialogue, then you will love this movie. Teenagers delivering lines that could have been written by Raymond Chandler himself, what's not to love?

8 Films That Are Not Nearly as Good as Everyone Says or Thinks They Are.

1) Anything that involves vampires that sparkle. This is not up for debate. It is pure fact.

2) Lord of the Rings- Before you flood my email box with hate mail, or you put me on an Al-Queda mailing list, let me say that the films are good films. They are great films. Probably some of the best and most entertaining films of the decade. They are also the longest films ever made. Three and a half hours is too long for a movie. Please, for the love of the seat cushions, cut something out of the film. How many Orcs do we need to see get impaled? We get the point. Liv Tyler? Not that important, she could be cut. While watching the last movie in this series, my buttocks went numb from being seated for so long.

3) Gladiator- I cannot stress this enough: this is an average movie, at best. Why exactly did this get nominated for an Oscar? Does Ridley Scott have incriminating photos of someone? I'm not saying its a bad movie, but it is massively overhyped. Dude's family is killed, dude becomes a fighter and gets revenge. What's so great about that? Rocky beat Ivan Drago, who was way tougher than creepy Joaquin Phoenix, and he had a better soundtrack, and a better training montage. In fact, I'm going to go so far as to say that Rocky Four was 10 times better of a movie than Gladiator, and yet, no Oscar. Don't front, if Rocky 4 comes on TV, you are probably going to watch. You are at least staying for the training montage at the end. Then, at some point during the week you are going to confront a challenge and throw your hands up in the air and shout "DRAGO!!!", to the complete bewilderment and confusion of your co-workers or friends who happen to be around you. If Gladiator comes on, are you even sticking around to watch it?

4) Brokeback Mountain- Okay, I haven't seen it, but I feel the need to point this out: This movie is really gay.

5) A Beautiful Mind- I don't hate Russell Crowe. I really don't. Although I would fight him if I had the chance and I was convinced I could win. This would probably involve him being drugged and semi-conscious. However, this is not a good movie. It milked sympathy by claiming to be the authentic story of a man who battled his way back to sanity. The only problem was that this movie was about as faithful to reality as the real Nash was to his wife--which is to say, not very. In fact, by this film's standards, Harry Potter could bill itself as based on a true story. Once you learn that the film is total fiction it loses its impact and is just another hokey film. Also, the screenwriter on this film wrote Batman and Robin which may be the worst movie of all time. I feel like that should matter.

6) The Matrix sequels- Okay, no one thinks these are great films, but lets face it, they are much worse than people give them credit for. I mean, these films are REALLY bad. I mean now that a couple years have passed can't we agree that they are downright unwatchable? You would have to strap me to a chair and wire my eyes open Clockwork Orange-style to convince me to watch these films again. Throw the original Matrix in there too. That film may have been revolutionary in its day, but its been 10 years and it doesn't hold up. That film just straight up sucks if you watch it now.

7) The Aviator- Another example of a movie that is probably okay, maybe even good, but there are people out there who gave this thing awards and it is nowhere good enough to deserve it. In fact, Marty Scorsese's work this whole decade has been that way. I know people refer to him as a genius, but is Gangs of New York even a watchable film? I've only seen it when it aired on TV and I think I made it about 15 minutes. Everyone else I know had the same reaction. Also, when are we going to accept that Leonard DiCaprio is annoying and unwatchable? Am I the only one who feels this way? I feel like you could replace him in pretty much any film with almost any actor and it wouldn't hurt the film at all.

8) Any film by Michael Moore- There's a pretty good chance that Moore's playing loose with the facts helped give republican's enough ammo to get Bush a second term in office. The man is entertaining but his films cannot fairly be called documentaries. They are propaganda films, pure and simple, and they are steadily decreasing in quality (not to mention factual content).

Did I miss any? Sound off in the comments section below.

Go Max Hall!

2009-11-29T18:20:00.001-08:00

Meditations on important things

2009-11-08T08:52:00.000-08:00

There's a lot of blog worthy things occurring in the world today. Shootings on army bases, health care debates, the season finale of Mad Men, all of these things deserve their own blog. But here at SIMSISMS we are all about the issues. And that is why today's blog is about the most important debate raging in America today: Who would win in a three way battle to the death between Ninja's, Pirates, and Zombies. This is the question that is on the mind of every right-thinking American, and that is why we are going to analyze it today. Let's look at the players and how they stack up against each other:

Category: Abilities

Pirates are noted for their ability with swords, guns, canons, and have the unique ability to buckle something called a swash. Ninjas are masters of misdirection, martial arts, sword play, guerrilla tactics, assassination, and stopping the evil forces of the Shredder. Zombies, as they are already dead, are nearly invulnerable unless you take out the zombie brain, and they have the ability to gorge themselves on human flesh until their zombie stomachs burst.

Edge: Ninjas.

All of the above mentioned abilities are impressive, but Ninja abilities are a cut above the rest. While Pirates are handy with a sword, Ninjas are total devotees of advanced sword fighting. I'm sorry, but dedication and training have to count for something. Ninjas are the clear winners in this category.

Category: Weapons

Pirates, as mentioned above, have the standard weapons of flintlock pistols, muskets, cannons and a trusty cutlass. Ninjas have throwing stars, swords, arrows, nunchuks, and if Batman is to be believed, they also have explosives and primitive forms of LSD. Zombies prefer a more organic approach to weaponry, using only their bare hands to tear you to pieces. Although, zombies have been known to use weapons of opportunity, such as clubs, pipes, or the severed limbs of victims.

Edge: Zombies

The pirate and ninja weapons are kind of a wash (although the ninja claws that Storm Shadow came with in one of his action figure incarnations were about the coolest thing ever), but there's something about being your own deadly weapon that gives Zombies a slight edge here. Plus, if you were going to be killed, we imagine that being clubbed to death with the leg of one of your recently defenestrated family members is a whole lot more terrifying than musket fire or a throwing star.

Category: Motivation

Pirates were generally motivated by money, which should speak to all of you except for those of you hippies who think the world runs on love and flowers (yeah, that's how we'll pay for universal healthcare. Roses and hugs. Nice job, hippies). If TV is correct (and it always is) then every Ninja in history was motivated by the need to avenge their sensei who was murdered by their rival who then later stole their girlfriend and raised the Ninja's illegitimate child as their own, never telling the child the truth about their father until the final, epic battle that takes place in a burning building of some sort. Zombies are motivated by the unquenchable desire to eat your brains. This desire is so intense it gives them life after death and allows them to keep going as their flesh is rotting off and their bodies are decaying (like Lindsay Lohan!).

Edge: Pirates.

Have you read this site? Go capitalism!

Category: Weakness

Pirates are well known booze hounds, so their weakness is probably desire for alcohol and cirrhosis. One good shot to the liver and your average pirate is probably doubling over in pain. Ninjas weakness is their sense of honor, or some stupid unrealistic crap like that. They would want to win a fight honorably, rather than throwing sand in the eyes of their opponent then bashing in his skull with a rock. Zombies, well, lets just say that they aren't exactly deep thinkers. They just wander around mumbling about eating brains. Deductive reasoning and elevated tactical planning are not going to figure into your average zombie assault (yet another thing they have in common with the French).

Edge: No clear winner.

These are all terrible weaknesses. Though the Zombie weakness is probably a little worse than the Pirate/Ninja weaknesses.

Category: Most famous portrayal by an actor

Most famous actor to portray a pirate? Duh.

Okay, okay. It was this guy:

Most Famous actor to be a Ninja?

That's right, Batman and Oskar Schindler.

Most famous Zombie portrayal...

Best music video of all time. Don't tell Kanye.

Edge: Ninjas.

How can you beat the awesomeness of Qui-gon Jin and the kid from Newsies. Okay, but the kid from Newsies has done other stuff. And neither of them ever made a weird Willy Wonka remake or touched children inappropriately (allegedly). There's just too much awesomeness in the Ninja category for it to even be close.

Final Verdict

Ninjas win, all the way. If there were a fight they'd whip on the pirates through superior arms and strategy. The zombies would be more difficult, because of their viciousness and superior numbers, but the Ninjas eventually set the zombies on fire and ride off into the sunset. Difficult decision, but we're declaring the Ninjas the winners.

New Challenge for Uncle Danny

2009-11-07T08:13:00.001-08:00

Okay Danny, here's the new song. I'm demanding that you learn it immediately.

Soliciting Ideas

2009-11-01T17:29:00.000-08:00

So, I'm trying to come up with a christmas list. So far, not a whole lot is on there. So, I'm opening it up to the world. What should I ask for? Here's the list so far:

Black, brown, gray, or Navy blue socks, solid in color.

Guitar strings, Martin Extra lights

TAG Heuer Mens Aquaracer WAF1112.BA0801 Watch

Ceramic Guitar Slide

Box of vanilla power gels.

AMEX

2009-10-25T09:46:00.001-07:00

Gladstone from cracked.com's open letter to American Express. Pretty much sums up the experience many people have had with their credit cards this year.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/an-open-letter-to-american-express/

2009-10-25T08:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Little Danny

2009-10-18T10:45:00.000-07:00

I've found a new song for you to learn. Please have this down by the end of the day.

Universal Rapture Coverage.

2009-09-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

Like most Americans, I spend a lot of time worrying about the rapture. For those of you heathens who don't know, the rapture is when God returns to earth and takes the believers with him to heaven, leaving all the unbelievers behind to fight amongst themselves, at least if the Kirk Cameron movies are to be believed.

Now, while not an evangelical, I do consider myself a Christian. I think I live a pretty good life. I don't commit any major sins, I don't drink or smoke, I read my scriptures daily, and I only jaywalk in emergency situations. However, according to Born-Again Christianity, I'm still probably not good enough to get taken up at the rapture. Apparently, God is not down with Mormons. I'm told by my Evangelical Christian friends that He hates Mormons even more than Muslims, Catholics, and Gays. So, I find myself worrying about what will happen to me during the rapture. Even though the rapture is never actually mentioned in the Bible, a lot of people seem convinced of its truthfulness. If we've learned anything from the last couple of years, it's that beliefs held by large groups of Americans are never wrong. Many people believed that there were weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, and we are still finding piles of WMD's daily. Many people believed that real-estate values would continue to skyrocket, and housing prices continue to skyrocket and real-estate demand is still at an all-time high. Likewise, since so many people believe in the rapture, I'm convinced that it will occur.

This leaves me with a significant problem. What if I get "left behind?" No one can predict exactly what will become of those unbelievers left behind at His coming, but since those left behind will all be sinners, it's a pretty safe bet that it won't be pretty. Knowing this, I've been looking around trying to find some way to hedge against the coming post-rapture disaster. I'm talking, of course, about rapture insurance.

Think about it. After the rapture, society is going to pretty much be on its way out. You are going to need coverage so you can stockpile the provisions and ammunition you need to last as long as you can until the inevitable sinner-zombie apocalypse sends you to the fiery pit of despair where you cannot find relief. And, even if you are taken up, what's going to happen to your loved ones who are sinners? Would you really feel good in heaven knowing that your loved ones left behind were not taken care of?

I've cruised the internets searching for rapture insurance, but the results are very discouraging. Of the major insurance carriers, NONE of them carry rapture insurance. How did this oversight occur? Blue Cross informs me that my policy will cover any injuries I sustain in the rapture, provided that they are not the result of a pre-existing condition. However, if one is left behind in the rapture, it will be because of unbelief prior to the rapture which is by definition a pre-existing condition and any injuries one suffers in the rapture will not be covered. My renter's insurance and car insurance do not offer rapture coverage, and are totally useless because they don't cover "acts of God." What do you think the rapture is people!?!

There are groups on the internets of fundamentalist Christians that offer rapture insurance, but it can be costly and many people refuse to buy this specialized rapture insurance. People think that it is too expensive, or that they somehow don't need it. They either don't believe in the rapture or think that they are good Christians and they are spiritually healthy enough that they will not need rapture insurance. Sure, today you might be in good spiritual condition, but you never know what the future will hold. You could find yourself in the midst of an existential crisis and while suffering from unbelief the rapture could hit without warning and you would be left behind and you would have NO INSURANCE COVERAGE. Also, just because you don't believe in the rapture doesn't mean it won't happen. People who believe that organic food is healthy still get cancer, Christian Scientists still get sick in spite of not believing in medicine, Scientologists still are crazy as loons in spite of not believing in psychiatry.

What will happen to the people who don't purchase rapture insurance? It is likely that those people will become a burden on society. We will collectively have to bear the burden of our co-sinners foolishness. They will become a drain on the public as we are all faced to pay for them through higher rapture insurance premiums and taxes to take care of them when they fall on public assistance. All of this could be avoided however, if everyone would simply purchase rapture insurance themselves.

The costs and risks associated with the rapture are simply too great to let people chart their own course on this. If we continue to allow people to choose whether or not to purchase rapture insurance, many will inevitably make the wrong and foolish choice of going without. People will continue to live in denial and rely on the myth of their own invincibility so that they can have a few extra dollars a month. Money that they will probably spend on sinning anyway. I propose that we make a law requiring everyone to purchase rapture insurance. Employers should be required to offer it to their employees or face fines. Individuals must purchase rapture insurance or they will face similar fines.

Now, you make think, what is to happen to all of the people who cannot afford to pay for rapture insurance? It is true that there are many who would willingly purchase rapture insurance if they could afford it, however they lack the funds to do so. To take care of these people, I propose we create a public option rapture insurance. We can fund this public option by taxing the rapture insurance of those who can afford their own policies. This way, we can assure that everyone is covered in the event of a rapture. At least those who are left behind by God, will not be left behind by society. This is the only choice we have. It is too important an issue to allow people to think for themselves. We cannot afford to let people fail. We must act decisively and quickly. Every day that passes brings the rapture closer and we must make sure our people are covered. WWJD, people? Write your congressperson today and demand universal rapture coverage.

The Obama Gorilla

2009-09-13T22:04:00.000-07:00

Political Math is back, with yet another excellent youtube video. Enjoy it in all of its libertarian goodness.

Agreed

2009-09-07T10:11:00.001-07:00

Please, someone in the White House, put this on the top of the agenda.

Music you should own

2009-08-22T16:45:00.000-07:00

As an ongoing public service, we here at simsisms like to point out music that doesn't suck and that should be a part of your iTunes library. Here's what's on our playlist of late:

1) Vagabond by Wolfmother

I'd all but forgotten about this song til recently, but it is a sorely overlooked tune that everyone should hear, by power trio Wolfmother.

2) Hang on St. Christopher and 16 shells from a 30 ought 6 by Tom Waits.

Anyone who's talked music with me in the past couple months knows that I have been on a HUGE Tom Waits kick. I'll admit that his voice is an acquired taste, but once you start to get what he's going for, you learn to LOVE the voice. It's the voice that Marilyn Manson could only dream of. The expressive growl which gives life to masterfully written songs. These are two of my favorites, taken from the ludicrously surreal live video Big Time. I actually like these versions better than the album versions. I think they're more energetic. 16 Shells is so frenzied you absolutely believe Tom when he screams at the blackbird who laughed at him as he learned to play guitar. Songs like these are why Waits is on the top of my list of people to see if he ever comes back to Vegas.

3) Tightrope by Yeasayer

This is what music should be. Ugly people using crazy intrumentations and great harmonies to make trippy, experimental music. Bonus points to any group willing to throw a sitar on to their studio tracks. Here's a live performance from a radio station, still pretty good.

4) You can't stand in my light anymore by Bob Mould.

If you've ever actually seen a Bob Mould, you might think "Who is this old, bald dude, and why should I know who he is?" Mould used to be part of a group you've never heard of (but should have) called Husker Du, who were an innovative music group about 150 million years ago, or so. Bob still makes great tunes and they deserve a listen.

5) Bigcitydreams by Neversaynever

Who are these guys with shallow but catchy lyrics who refuse to use the space bar? I don't know but dangit, this song is infectious. It's like the swine flu of the music world.

6) Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez

Yeah, so I like mellow, acoustic music. So shoot me. This song is still great. The kind of thing James Taylor might have written before Carly Simon had him shot and killed and replaced with a clone. I don't even care that this song is used in Sony Commercials.

7) The Ship Song by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

This is a great song, I don't care if Nick has the worst 70's mustache in the history of mankind in this video.

8)Sax Rohmer #1 by the Mountain Goats.

Not their most famous song, but definitely best. And no, I don't care that the song doesn't feature a saxaphone or a famous Yankee second baseman. Stop being so literal.

9) Hey Julie by Fountains of Wayne.
Why aren't these guys more popular? How is Stacy's Mom their only hit song? MTV, you sicken me. Everyone who owns a guitar should know how to play this song.

10) Pretty Much anything that has ever been written by Greg Laswell

That's right. Our last entry is everything Greg has ever written. You should just run and go download. Quick, before any mor eof his songs are viciously defiled by being featured on Grey's Anatomy. Here's a live performance of mone of my fav's.

Ouch.

2009-08-11T19:08:00.000-07:00

Seriously, harsh criticism.

2009-08-07T07:16:00.000-07:00

Why mods don't happen?

2009-08-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

The government has a 75 billion dollar program to help bank modify mortgages. They were hoping by now to have some 3-4 million people in the program, so far, they've got about 180,000. Turns out, the problem isn't on the government end, it's that the banks collect a ton of fees dragging your home into foreclosure so it's in their interest to drag the process out as long as possible.

Great story in the New York Times about the issue. To read it, click HERE

PO-PO statement

2009-07-24T10:50:00.000-07:00

Racism?

2009-07-23T13:56:00.000-07:00

Were the police racist, or was Prof. Gates out of line? Should the President be commenting on this while admitting that he doesn't know the facts? Here's the police report. You decide.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0723092gates1.html

Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul!

2009-07-17T21:32:00.000-07:00

The worse the economy gets, the more this guy make sense. Never thought I'd see the day when Ron Paul sounded less crazy than the people running the government.

Whoa-man

2009-07-17T09:05:00.000-07:00

see more Funny Graphs

Why I'll never live in New York

2009-07-16T09:03:00.000-07:00

Nice place to visit, but...

Paul Krugman

2009-07-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

Paul Krugman very seriously argues that the reason the stimulus isn't working is because the government just isn't spending enough money, doggone it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/10/opinion/10krugman.html?_r=1

Paul, do us all a favor, and return that Nobel Prize.

No end in sight

2009-07-14T18:45:00.001-07:00

People frequently ask me if I think the economy is about to turn around. I tell them no. No one who believes recovery is on the horizon can point to ANY statistic or indicator to justify their optimism. I tell you what I tell everyone else, the numbers you get from the White House, which are then passed along to the media are doctored. They are unreliable, and juked to make things seem better than they really are. Take a look at this fantastic article by Mortimer Zuckerman over that the Wall Street Journal about why the economy is in even worse shape than you think it is.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124753066246235811.html

Barbara Boxer

2009-07-13T08:44:00.001-07:00

Oh Barbara, still stupid.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/mcclatchy/20090711/sc_mcclatchy/3269899

Cramer gets it right

2009-07-07T19:55:00.000-07:00

Yet again, Jim Cramer gets it right and calls what no one else will. Oil Futures are a sham and the price of oil has ZERO connection to reality.

Foreclosure Process

2009-07-06T22:22:00.000-07:00

One of the questions I get asked frequently is what the timeline on a foreclosure looks like. I found this on the internets, though honestly, lenders are a little more aggressive than what this chart lays out. Generally, a notice of default is filed after you've missed 4 months, and then things proceed from there. Here's a rough outline of the process though. There's probably something similar in your jurisdiction (except for California and their crappy No-Deficiency on first mortgages statutes).

Nevada Foreclosure Process

Graph Jams

2009-07-04T15:06:00.001-07:00

One of my favorite sites is Graph Jams. I highly recommend you give it a look.

Graph Jam.com

Oh, and by the way, happy 4th of July!

National Debt Visualization

2009-07-01T18:05:00.001-07:00

This was sent to me by my personal economist, Dr. Dave, PhD. I thought it was a pretty good way to visualize how out of control the debt has become.

The Phone Dilemma

2009-06-26T22:35:00.000-07:00

So, as many of you know, in between cramming for the bar and raising awareness of the fight for democracy in Iran, I've been shopping around for a cell phone. I love beat up old samsung, and it has served well, but it's a little bulky, dated, and I'm getting the itch for something a little more lawyerish. I'm interested in getting a smartphone but nothing really seems right. Phones that I might be interested in all seem tied to terrible networks, or the good networks seem to offer dismal phones. Here's where I pretty much stand:

AT&T: AT&T has the two greatest phones in creation. The iPhone and the Blackberry Bold. However, AT&T is also possibly the worst network in creation. How they can make the "more bars in more places" claim is beyond me as everyone I know with AT&T service complains nonstop about what a horrible network it is. In fact, the only people I know with AT&T are on it because they are on a family plan which they don't pay for, or because they own an iPhone. As cool as the iPhone is, there's simply no justification to have to pay an extra 30 bucks for a data plan, and additional fees for text messaging plans. Seriously AT&T, is there a limit to your greed? Bernie Madoff thinks your plans are a scam.

Artist Rendition of AT&T's President

T-Mobile: T-Mobile has a reputation for good customer service, but the only phones they have that interest me are their blackberrys. Sorry Google Phones, Android looks cool, but try coming out with a phone that isn't butt ugly and can actually be used for something. The G1 was the cell phone equivalent of the L.A. Clippers (once again, condolences to Blake Griffin). Honestly though, the only decent looking BB they're running right now is the 8900, which I'm on the fence about. T-Mobile charges $40 for their standard 600 minute plan, and 35 bucks on top of that for the data. however, unlike the Ferengi's over at AT&T that figure includes unlimited text messaging (as well as picture messaging and IM). However, it does not include free mobile to mobile, which will run you another 8 bucks. Seriously, T-mobile? You couldn't throw that in for free? Anyway, the drawbacks to the greedy germans are that it has the smallest network, has a rep for dropping calls, and again, has yet to come out with a phone that not only works well, but also makes all your friends jealous (although if your friends have AT&T, then any phone that works well would probably make them jealous). Mostly, I can't get past the whole extra fees for mobile-to-mobile thing. That is just patently evil.

T-Mobile Founder. Press Photo.

Verizon: My current provider and the most frustrating company in existence. Verizon is reputed to have the most reliable network, however, it also has a lot of very crappy phones. When it comes to smartphone/pda's, Verizon just sucks. It is so bad, you can only explain it through a perfect storm of arrogance and incompetence. You could not intentionally offer a lineup of smartphones this bad intentionally. The human soul would not allow it. It's like holding your breath until you pass out. Eventually, your reflexes will take over and you'll start breathing again. Likewise, eventually, your reflexes would take over and you would offer at least one phone a person might at least consider buying. Instead, Verizon offers a host of underpowered phones which run on Windows Mobile. I already have to deal with windows freezing and glitching on my laptop, I'm not going to put up with it on my phone. Thanks, but no thanks.

Verizon does have blackberrys, but they are a little out of date, and you have to pay 30 bucks for a data plan that once again, DOES NOT INCLUDE TEXT MESSAGING!!! Even worse, Verizon seems to be oblivious to the whole idea that phones can now handle WiFi. Only four Verizon phones come with that option. FOUR! An option that is pretty much standard on every smartphone offered by every other carrier in the world is somehow a novelty in Verizon Land. Verizon's premium phone was supposed to be the BlackBerry Storm; a phone so famously bad that the New York Times wondered if they actually tested the thing to see if it worked before they released it for sale. I might even consider the abomination of cellular nation that is the Black Berry storm if only it had WiFi. I might consider the upcoming Blackberry Tour, but oh wait, once again, it DOESN'T HAVE WIFI!!! It turns out that it was actually capable of WiFi but the powers that be made RIM disable it because they didn't want their customers going outside of the verizon network for data downloands.

You know what I say to that decision? EPIC FAIL! Who is calling the shots at Verizon? A chimp? Because I can't see a chimp screwing up this badly. Chimps have pride. I know many people what would willingly switch to Verizon if they could come up with at least ONE phone worth buying. As it stands, the only way I'm staying with Verizon when I upgrade is if the Storm 2 comes out and emits waves of pure awesomeness. And even then, it had better come out before August.

Sprint: Sprint has a rep for a small network and terrible customer service. In fact, Sprint actually went so far as to cancel the contracts of 1000 of its customers last year who complained too much. (In Sprints defense, some of the customers reportedly contacted them over 100 times during the month with complaints about things that were in fact, the customers' own fault). Some people might find that shocking, but having worked in customer service and having learned from sad experience that 90% of people are functionally retarded with the approximate IQ of granite, I kind of have to admire them. Sprint grabbed headlines recently with the release of the Palm Pre and reportedly made improvements to its network as well. Reports are that resolving customer service issues remains firmly in the ninth circle of hell, but the coverage has supposedly gotten much better. The Pre is niftly little machine, and it's only real drawbacks are terrible battery life and inability to waste your disposable income on apps you don't need. The biggest selling point for Sprint is price. 70 bucks a month will get you 450 minutes, unlimited nights and weekends that start at 7 p.m., unlimited data, text messaging, picture messaging, and you can roam onto Verizon towers. The only real phone worth getting on Sprint is the Pre, but while it seems cool now, it doesn't have any kind of track record so there is no way to tell whether the Pre is going to last you for two years. Still, right now it is the strongest contender for my Cellular bid. I just wish it didn't feel like I was making a deal with the devil.

Sprint's Proposed new company logo

So loyal readers, what say ye? Which phone is the one phone to rule them all? Which service is the best service? Why can't there just be a decent phone on a decent network? Please leave your take in the comments section or by email.

Untitled 4 - Where is Iran's vote

2009-06-26T00:12:00.000-07:00

Untitled 3

2009-06-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Mom!

2009-06-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

Eric Clapton

Untitled 2

2009-06-22T20:16:00.001-07:00

Untitled

2009-06-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

Father's Day

2009-06-20T19:39:00.001-07:00

Here's two videos for my pops in honor of Father's day. The Eric Clapton one accidentally got posted last week, but here it is again. It's a rare video of the song "My father's eyes" which was actually written around the same time as "Tears in Heaven" and was recorded for the famous Unplugged concert, but never aired. The song was sporadically played over the next 6 years and eventually released, but this remains my favorite version.

Next Video is for my dad, and for all you lawyer dads. If you've ever billed hourly you will sympathize with this video.

3gS v. Pre

2009-06-20T10:51:00.001-07:00

Should you get a Pre or an iPhone? This flowchart will help you decide.

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/gizmodo/2009/06/iphonepreflowchart.jpg

Fun with Email

2009-06-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

Here's a little email I sent to Barbara Boxer today,

Dear Ms. Boxer

I am writing to say that I found your exchange with the General the other day to be shameful and embarrassing. Let me clarify this for you: being a senator does not make you better than other people. It does not entitle you to ANY special respect and certainly doesn't grant special dispensation to be rude and hostile in public. You are a servant of the people, not royalty. You are no different than a butler or a maid, or the guy I pay to cut my lawn. You are employed by people to do a job for them. Servants do NOT insist on titles.

Maybe you should worry less about your title and more about serving the people from California. As it is, your actions show a total lack of humility necessary to serve as my senator and you can count on NEVER getting my vote, my family's vote, or any of my friend's votes. This episode has shown me just how arrogant, self-serving you are and just how disconnected you are from what your job should be.

If you can't manage to represent California well, then perhaps you could at least represent California more quietly, and kindly stop embarrassing us.

Barbara Boxer

2009-06-18T08:42:00.001-07:00

Is a b----!

Honest, Abe.

2009-06-17T11:37:00.000-07:00

Frequently throughout my day, I find myself bothered by a recurring question, a question I'm sure that many of you find popping in your minds several times a day as well:

Is Abe Vigoda dead?

Fortunately, there is now a website which informs you of Abe Vigoda's continued status. Simply click on the link below and it will instantly tell you if the Abe-ster is all right and you can go through the rest of your day worry free.

http://www.abevigoda.com/ffb.php

Why California is broke

2009-06-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

Thanks to DIGG.com for the picture

Hammer Time!

2009-06-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

Ricky Watson originally posted this on facebook, and I'm stealing it because I thought it was HILARIOUS!

War on Drugs

2009-06-14T17:38:00.000-07:00

Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times

This year marks the 40th anniversary of President Richard Nixon’s start of the war on drugs, and it now appears that drugs have won.

“We’ve spent a trillion dollars prosecuting the war on drugs,” Norm Stamper, a former police chief of Seattle, told me. “What do we have to show for it? Drugs are more readily available, at lower prices and higher levels of potency. It’s a dismal failure.”

For that reason, he favors legalization of drugs, perhaps by the equivalent of state liquor stores or registered pharmacists. Other experts favor keeping drug production and sales illegal but decriminalizing possession, as some foreign countries have done.

Here in the United States, four decades of drug war have had three consequences:

First, we have vastly increased the proportion of our population in prisons. The United States now incarcerates people at a rate nearly five times the world average. In part, that’s because the number of people in prison for drug offenses rose roughly from 41,000 in 1980 to 500,000 today. Until the war on drugs, our incarceration rate was roughly the same as that of other countries.

Second, we have empowered criminals at home and terrorists abroad. One reason many prominent economists have favored easing drug laws is that interdiction raises prices, which increases profit margins for everyone, from the Latin drug cartels to the Taliban. Former presidents of Mexico, Brazil and Colombia this year jointly implored the United States to adopt a new approach to narcotics, based on the public health campaign against tobacco.

Third, we have squandered resources. Jeffrey Miron, a Harvard economist, found that federal, state and local governments spend $44.1 billion annually enforcing drug prohibitions. We spend seven times as much on drug interdiction, policing and imprisonment as on treatment. (Of people with drug problems in state prisons, only 14 percent get treatment.)

I’ve seen lives destroyed by drugs, and many neighbors in my hometown of Yamhill, Oregon, have had their lives ripped apart by crystal meth. Yet I find people like Mr. Stamper persuasive when they argue that if our aim is to reduce the influence of harmful drugs, we can do better.

Mr. Stamper is active in Law Enforcement Against Prohibition, or LEAP, an organization of police officers, prosecutors, judges and citizens who favor a dramatic liberalization of American drug laws. He said he gradually became disillusioned with the drug war, beginning in 1967 when he was a young beat officer in San Diego.

“I had arrested a 19-year-old, in his own home, for possession of marijuana,” he recalled. “I literally broke down the door, on the basis of probable cause. I took him to jail on a felony charge.” The arrest and related paperwork took several hours, and Mr. Stamper suddenly had an “aha!” moment: “I could be doing real police work.”

It’s now broadly acknowledged that the drug war approach has failed. President Obama’s new drug czar, Gil Kerlikowske, told the Wall Street Journal that he wants to banish the war on drugs phraseology, while shifting more toward treatment over imprisonment.

The stakes are huge, the uncertainties great, and there’s a genuine risk that liberalizing drug laws might lead to an increase in use and in addiction. But the evidence suggests that such a risk is small. After all, cocaine was used at only one-fifth of current levels when it was legal in the United States before 1914. And those states that have decriminalized marijuana possession have not seen surging consumption.

“I don’t see any big downside to marijuana decriminalization,” said Peter Reuter, a professor of criminology at the University of Maryland who has been skeptical of some of the arguments of the legalization camp. At most, he said, there would be only a modest increase in usage.

Moving forward, we need to be less ideological and more empirical in figuring out what works in combating America’s drug problem. One approach would be for a state or two to experiment with legalization of marijuana, allowing it to be sold by licensed pharmacists, while measuring the impact on usage and crime.

I’m not the only one who is rethinking these issues. Senator Jim Webb of Virginia has sponsored legislation to create a presidential commission to examine various elements of the criminal justice system, including drug policy. So far 28 senators have co-sponsored the legislation, and Mr. Webb says that Mr. Obama has been supportive of the idea as well.

“Our nation’s broken drug policies are just one reason why we must re-examine the entire criminal justice system,” Mr. Webb says. That’s a brave position for a politician, and it’s the kind of leadership that we need as we grope toward a more effective strategy against narcotics in America.

Phones

2009-06-12T11:38:00.000-07:00

Something to think about before you buy your next smart phone.

An now, a fiscally responsible post.

2009-06-05T09:16:00.000-07:00

Great article from Mint.com (an online budgeting software which I use and highly recommend) on whether you should pay with credit or debit.

Original article by GE Miller and available in context, HERE

Credit or debit? - an important question for those trying to come out ahead in recessionary times. The answer can be a little complicated. It depends on a few things, namely, your spending habits, your ability to pay your bills on time, and the total dollar amount that you pay with debit and credit. These are the variables that you can control. Unfortunately, they’re not the only ones.

What remains to be seen are the clever tricks credit card providers will play in light of the major reform that was recently signed into law by President Obama that will go into effect in 2010. About the best you can do is take advantage of the existing rules and set yourself up for future financial success.

An Easy Choice for Some

For starters, those whom the credit card companies have feasted on can be packaged into one of the following categories.

Group #1 - Buys a little or a lot, carries a balance, pays on time.
Group #2 - Buys a little or a lot, carries a balance, doesn’t pay on time.

If you’re in one of these two groups, the answer is simple. You have been targeted. Cut up your credit cards now. If you’re using credit to pay for things you can’t afford, you are digging yourself a big hole. Even with the new regulations that will go into effect next year, credit card companies will still be able to charge late fees and whatever fee they desire. Don’t let them. Switch to paying with debit. The “I need a credit card to survive” argument is a pretty weak one, regardless of circumstance.

A New Target?

Where it gets more interesting is when you consider those who have used cards responsibly. They fall into one of the following two groups:

Group #3 - Buys a lot, no balance, pays on time, uses credit to get rewards.
Group #4 - Buys a little, no balance, pays on time, uses credit to get rewards.

The question of credit or debit is not quite as simple for these responsible bill payers that have used credit cards as a means to reap financial reward. Creditors have long offered rewards to target these consumers. In theory, it should be safe to assume that those who have credit cards for their rewards are responsible bill payers - if you’re paying 15% interest on 2% rewards, you have some things to sort out.

With the industry set to take a financial hit on regulations aimed to protect those who are typically hit with fees and high interest, there has been mention of industry backlash against the users who have been responsible and not contributed as much to the credit card companies bottom lines. It won’t be long before the industry responds with new or old ways to make up for lost revenue. If annual fees are re-instated or rewards are cut back, those who have a choice of credit or debit and may have to make some decisions regarding which they option they choose.

Debit Card Rewards - A Game Changer?

To make matters more interesting, many debit cards have begun offering rewards in the last few years. Debit card rewards tend to be a little less enticing than credit card rewards, however. Banks generally offer one point for every $2 spent with a debit card, compared with one point for every $1 spent with a credit card.

It’s worth noting that many debit card rewards programs require you to use the “signature” option of your card, which means the card is swiped, you sign for the purchase and the transaction is run through the merchant’s processing system, versus punching in a PIN code. This is because the bank collects an interchange fee for that transaction from the merchant, which would be less if you paid with the debit option using your PIN. The bank then uses those fees to offset the cost of the rewards program.

Additionally, many debit rewards cards are charging annual fees. Those that don’t tend to offer highly scaled back rewards. Less rewards, annual fees, and the possibility of getting dinged on fees for going below your checking account minimum balance? This model has a little work to do.

Seeking Optimal Return at the Lowest Expense

Regardless of how the industry changes the fees and rewards for responsible card users, the goal here should be to get the highest total return. If you spend a lot (group #3) and benefit from hundreds or thousands of dollars of rewards each year, it may make sense to eat the expense of an annual fee and use a credit cards, both of which should point towards bigger rewards.If you don’t spend much (group #4) you may want to opt for a debit card or credit card with no annual fee, even if the rewards are small. Whichever way you choose, it is important to pay your bills on time, not carry over a balance, and stay above your minimum in your checking account.

For more of GE Miller’s writing, visit personal finance blog 20somethingfinance.com.

Best invention ever

2009-06-04T18:29:00.000-07:00

From Gizmodo

Self-Cleaning Toilet Becomes a Urinal With the Push Of a Button

By Sean Fallon, 1:40 PM on Thu Jun 4 2009, 11,304 views

I've always wanted a urinal in my bathroom, but a lack of space (and money) has always been an issue. This Ultimate Clean Toilet could solve all of these problems and more.

On one side you have a toilet and on the other, a urinal. The toilet rotates between the two at the press of a button and self-cleans with steam and a UV light bath. So you are getting both a urinal and a toilet in a single, compact unit that not only cleans itself, but most likely would result in cost savings with regard to water usage. Again, this is only a concept, but it is one that has limitless potential.

Tracy Morgan

2009-06-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

Tracy Morgan is in a new movie.

I don't know about you, but this picture alone is enough to get me to the theater for opening day.

File this under jobs I wish I could get

2009-06-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

Reason #256 why I'm going to light myself on fire:

Jobless? Get paid $25,000 to ride everything in Orlando

Jason Cochran
Jun 1st 2009 at 12:00PM

Pack your Dramamine: The tourist city of Orlando, home to seven of the most popular amusement parks on earth, is rolling out a job search for a couple who can take 67 days off to ride every ride, tour every attraction, get rubbed down at every spa, and generally explore every crevice (and line) of the Mecca of Mascots.

The pay, to cover expenses back home during those two months, will be $25,000, and the winner will be put up in a one-bedroom condo of their own in downtown Orlando, the better to dabble in its arts district, cafés, and prime Vietnamese restaurant drag when theme parking wears out. All the job holders will have to do in return is document their grueling, turkey leg-packed adventure using a supplied set of cell phone, video camera, and still camera, and to post their doings online via hotspots such as Facebook and Twitter. Their jealousy-making life, Orlando hopes, will stir Americans to venture out of their recession caves and come play again.

The application process is pretty simple: Turn in two photos, a one-minute video, and be at least 21. Applicants can be of any nationality, and your twosome can even be the same sex -- which means you can be in a romantic couple or part of an Amazing Race-style team-up. But given the name of this promotion, 67 Days of Smiles, it's a safe bet that you'll need to be able to grin on cue as an official online ambassador of the area that supports Disney, Universal, and SeaWorld. The latter two resorts, in particular, which run a combined five parks, are entering hard times thanks to precipitous tourism drops, despite the fact that both of them have just added mega-coasters to their lineups.

Vampire Weakend

2009-05-21T18:33:00.000-07:00

Look, I really DO hate to laugh at someone else's pain, but seriously, how was this guy ever the favorite? He looks like a Vampire.

"I want to suck...at singing!!!"

Congratulations to the other dude who won, Chris something-or-other if for no other reason than saving America from being known as the country that votes for Emo Kids. Here at simsisms we strongly support a constitutional amendment forbidding anyone emo from holding any kind of elected office, be it President, Senator, American Idol, or Treasurer of the Local 4H club. Way to go America, say NO to razor haircuts and manliner! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Not laugh at someone else's pain, but....

2009-05-19T20:36:00.000-07:00

Have fun playing on a minor league basketball team, Blake.

Questionannaire for Supreme Court Candidates.

2009-05-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

Stolen from the New York Daily News.

Judge not, lest ye be judged

By Josh Greenman

Friday, May 15th 2009, 4:24 PM

Preliminary Vetting Questionnaire
Associate Justice

Dear potential applicant,
Thank you for your interest in serving the nation on its highest court. President Barack Obama, a former constitutional law professor, considers it his solemn responsibility to select an outstanding jurist who will interpret the Constitution with precision, clarity, integrity and, not least, empathy.
By the way, so does Vice President Joe Biden, who used to have tons of power as chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee and who is constantly whispering in the President's ear (in, don't worry, a grandfatherly way).
Please answer the following questions with candor. All responses will be kept strictly confidential.
Sincerely,
The White House

Qualifications and personal history

Which law school did you attend?

a)Yale Law School
b)Harvard Law School
c)University of Chicago Law School
d)Columbia Law School
e)NYU Law School
f)Another school, but I mumble its name at cocktail parties.

In how many federal cases have you ruled?

a)500 or more
b)200 to 499
c)fewer than 199
d)None. I'm your wife, Barack.

Complete the following sentence: When I am overruled, I feel:

a)Unshaken. I am confident in my rulings, which I think through exhaustively before I make them.
b)Sullen. I look back at my decision and wonder if my reasoning was flawed.
c)Vengeful. I am the law!
Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Federalist Society?
Have you ever lied under oath in a sexual harassment deposition, or are you married to someone who did?

Diversity

Latinos or latinos only: How important is your heritage to you?

a)I will not respond to questions asked in English, solamente en espanol.
b)Very important. My ethnic identity and my familiarity with the immigrant experience have profoundly shaped who I am today, including my legal sensibility.
c)Important but not defining. My legal analysis comes from my training, thinking and writing, not my background.
d)Central. I only use the surname "Richardson" because my father had an Anglo name; I assure you, my mother is Mexican.

Gay, Hispanic, Jewish women only: What do you call yourself?

a)A gay woman Latina Jew
b)A female, Jewish homosexual Latina
c)A Jewish, gay woman of color

White male Catholics only: In the right light, do you look maybe a little Asian?

a)Yes
b)No
c)My father's father's family traces back to South Asia, first century B.C. A mail-away DNA test is pending.

Judicial philosophy

Complete the following sentence. The Constitution:

a)is meant to be strictly interpreted, in accordance with original intent and with respect for precedent.
b)is a living, breathing document that must adapt as our nation and culture evolve.
c)gives me a headache.

Habeas corpus should apply:

a)any time a prisoner of any kind is held anywhere in U.S. custody.
b)in most cases, with special exceptions for nonstate actors who are waging a long-term war against the United States, and who are not being detained on U.S. soil.
c)this is hard.
d)shut up and let me think!

The Second Amendment protects the right to bear arms:

a)only for well-regulated militias.
b)for hunters and sportsmen.
c)for all American citizens.
d)for people who look really cool carrying and know how to hold the gun sideways when they shoot it.

What is your approach to stare decisis?

a)I will consider each case before me on a case-by-case basis, consistent with a careful reading of legal precedent, the applicable statute and the Constitution.
b)I *wink wink* will consider each case before me on a case-by-case basis, consistent with a careful reading of *cough* legal precedent, the applicable statute and *fidget* the Constitution.

How long are you comfortable having the U.S. judicial system hold detainees without trial?

a)However long is necessary, until the war against terrorism ends.
b)A year or two, provided they have access to a nice couch.
c)No more than 90 days.
d)I prefer a very brief detention followed by a swift kangaroo court.

Complete the following sentence: Footnotes _________.

a)kick precedential ass.
b)complicate legal reasoning and risk alienating lay people.
c)are necessary1 with a few exceptions2 made unavoidable by the state of contemporary jurisprudence3\.

Empathy

Given a case between an evil multinational corporation and a poor, hardworking family, with whom would you empathize?

a)What do you mean by evil?
b)How is it relevant that the family is poor or hardworking?
c)What are the facts of this case?
d)What did the little girl name the puppy?

I could easily walk a mile in the shoes of:

a)a baby poisoned by industrial pollution.
b)a wheelchair-bound man denied a promotion on the basis of his disability.
c)an endangered species of whale being haunted by the sounds of U.S. Navy drills.
d)trick question. None of them walk in shoes.

If you see a poor minority child huddled in the corner, I would,

a)point.
b)walk by.
c)buy him a nice hot meal and ask him what happened to his parents.
d)adopt him and name him Barack.

Complete the following sentence. Of the final three "American Idol" contestants, I was rooting for:

a)Danny Gokey, because that poor thing lost his wife.
b)Kris Allen, because he's just so dreamy.
c)Adam Lambert, because he's just so edgy.
d)Frankly, I'm disappointed that they're all white males.
Temperament

When you saw Justice David Souter emerge as a liberal, despite being appointed by George H. W. Bush to be a reliable conservative vote, how did you react?

a)I was thrilled; independence and unpredictability should be a hallmark of the Supreme Court appointments.
b)I was horrified. A President should know what to expect when he nominates a judge.
c)Don't worry, we're cool.

Favorite TV judge of all time:

a)Judge Wapner, because he don't take no guff.
b)Judge Judy, because she don't take no guff.
c)Judge Joe Brown, because he don't take no guff.
d)Judge Marilyn Milian, because she occasionally takes some guff.

Associate Justices Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, Anthony Kennedy and Samuel Alito are Catholic, as is Chief Justice John Roberts. Do you work well with Catholics?

a)Catholics are some of my favorite jurists.
b)Catholics can be a little doctrinaire.
c)Catholics, don't get me started.
d)Is the Pope Catholic? Seriously, I'm not joking, is he?

If challenged on your legal reasoning by a hostile Southern senator, I will:

a)smile and reply to the best of my ability.
b)punch back, rhetorically.
c)punch back, physically.
d)parrot back the question in a high-pitched whine.

Essay question: How bad do you want it?

Cannibalism

2009-05-16T20:41:00.001-07:00

Great article on "How Stuff Works" that discusses the always great conversation starter: cannibalism. The article is fascinating but neglects 2 key things that a truly exhaustive examination of the subject should have.

1) What do people taste like?
2) What are some of the best recipes?

Other than dropping the ball on these crucial points, its a fairly fascinating read, especially the part that questions whether most tales of cannibalism, Donner party included, ever actually happened.

To read the article, click here.

Mother's Day Post

2009-05-10T11:11:00.000-07:00

In honor of mother's day, here's a little song Paul McCartney wrote about his mom.

Foul?

2009-05-08T00:24:00.000-07:00

1) Can we all just agree to stop pretending that Kobe is a nice guy? He's not. At this point, the only thing less believable than Kobe is a nice guy is that any of the young women on Gossip Girl are 16.

2) Can we agree that Kobe is a cheap player and a thug? He's been throwing elbows throughout the playoffs and whining about how he gets fouled so hard. Just stop it Kobe. Karl Malone thinks you need to stop throwing the elbows.

3) How, in the wake of the Tim Donaghy debacle, does NBA officiating continue to be so abysmal? I mean, the refs in game two all but suited up for the Lakers. They may as well give them the sixth man award. I know, it's a business, Kobe is a big star, and strings will be pulled to make sure that he and Lebron meet in the finals. I don't understand how the NBA can continue to hold itself out as any more legitimate of a sport than professional wrestling when it lets Rajon Rondo and Kobe Bryant run around the court acting like they're Chuck Lidell. Either the rules apply to everyone, or they mean nothing. Memo to David Stern, you need to fix the officiating in this league and you need to do it fast. If the NFL can do it, so can you.

4) Is there anyone in the NBA you would not want to piss off more than Ron Artest? He's ball-triping crazy. If I told you that an NBA player brought a switchblade to a game and stabbed another player during tip off, and you could have five guesses as to who it was, wouldn't Ron Artest be on that list? Wouldn't he be like, the top of your list, followed by Zach Randolph, and anyone with the last name Curry? Do you really think that Ron Artest is going to let you get away with that kind of thing for a whole series? I would pay someone else to start my car if I were Kobe Bryant, I'm just saying. What is the life expectancy of a man who has made Ron Artest's hit list? I see Kobe getting a letter this week from his life insurace company telling him they've cancelled his policy.

5) I sense that Tracy McGrady ends up on the clippers at the end of this season. I'm calling this now. Peace out and enjoy game 3.

Nice Ad

2009-05-05T18:39:00.001-07:00

Music that doesn't suck # 54- Ruru

2009-05-03T20:54:00.000-07:00

It's one of my ongoing goals in life to abolish bad music by promoting and pimping good music. To that end, I periodically take a break from my witty social/political commentary to highlight some tunes that are worthy of your valuable time.

This post's subject is an up and coming band out of Provo, Utah. I know what you're thinking, nothing good can come out of Provo, and normally I would agree. At first, I too was skeptical. My buddy Chris told me about them so I went to amazon and downloaded the track "Elizabeth." My first take was that it was stunningly dark and beautiful. I downloaded the rest of the album and took it with me for my saturday run. I put the album on shuffle for the last leg and was absolutely blown away. This is one of the best freshman efforts by a band, big label or indie I have heard in a long time.

Lead singer Isaac Russell, may only be 17, but his lyrics and voice have a maturity well beyond his years. The instrumentation is not complicated or fancy, but seems to fit organically. There's not a spare note on the album and it works to focus you on Russell's voice. The sound is rooted in folk, but still hard to categorize, The best description I can give you is that many of these songs would in no way feel out of place on a Damien Rice, Elliot Smith, Nick Drake, or even a "Lonesome Death of Hattie-Carol"-era Dylan. Be warned, these songs are not for the faint of heart, as death, loneliness and alienation abound in an album that Elliott Smith might find dark.

I searched for a way to embed a decent sounding audio clip, sadly youtube doesn't have much to offer. I found this acoustic session on their myspace page which I'm posting solely because it has the best audio quality. The song is not bad, but I find some of their other tunes a bit more likeable. I encourage you to scope their myspace page (yes, I am violating one of my sacred blogger rules and directing people to visit myspace) and download their album. It's going for about 8 bucks on Amazon's mp3 section. If you want to take a song for a test drive, download the first track, "Why" and I defy you to not like it. It's freaking infectious. If you catch me on messenger I will gladly share a track with you on condition that if you life it you will go back and buy it. I am on the Ruru bandwagon, and I may have gotten whiplash jumping on it so fast. Ruru, count yourselves +1 fan in the vegas area.

Ruru on myspace, click here

The band's website, click here.

There might not be many posts in the next two weeks for finals, but look for posts about graduation, bar exams, and torture in the near future. Peace out.

Swine Flu

2009-05-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

LOST!!!

2009-04-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

Payback?

2009-04-20T22:56:00.000-07:00

Geithner May Not Let Banks Pay Back TARP

John Carney|Apr. 20, 2009, 10:06 PM|4

No matter how healthy an individual bank may be, the government may not let it pay back the bailout funds, the Wall Street Journal is reporting. Instead, the Treasury will consider the overall health of the banking system. What this means is that the healthiest banks may find themselves TARP hostages of the unhealthiest banks.

From the Journal:

In an interview, Mr. Geithner laid out some broad principles, including the need to consider the overall health of the financial system and the flow of credit in judging whether banks can repay their government investment. Among large banks, Goldman Sachs Group Inc. and J.P. Morgan Chase & Co. have both said they want to repay the government.

"We want to make sure that the financial system is not just stable, but also not inducing a deeper contraction in economic activity. We want to have enough capital that it's going to be able to support a recovery," Mr. Geithner said.

In a sense, this is just the logical conclusion of the logic of systemic risk. The bailout wasn't meant to rescue any individual firm but to avoid systemic failure. Once you are following that line of policy, there's no reason the interest of one firm's managers, creditors or shareholders should be allowed to re-introduce systemic risk by exiting the TARP system. If it sounds perverse that it is now government policy to prevent the market from figuring out which financial institutions are the weakest and to force the strong hands to drag along--or, perhaps, be dragged down by--the weak hands, well you haven't internalized the logic of the bailout yet. "We all drown together" as someone once said.

*****

Response to this article:

Systemic integrity has nothing to do with it. Geithner and the Obama administration won't let the banks pay back the money for the same reason they gave them money in the first place. They want control. That's all this has ever been about. Make no mistake, firms that took TARP money are now discovering that they have made a deal with the devil. A deal whose terms can change at any time.

Better to die free man than to live as slaves of the federal government.

2009-04-20T22:48:00.000-07:00

Pay Rule Led Chrysler to Spurn Loan, Agency Says
Firm Claims It Didn't Need The Government Infusion

By David Cho, Peter Whoriskey and Amit R. Paley
Washington Post Staff Writers
Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Top officials at Chrysler Financial turned away a government loan because executives didn't want to abide by new federal limits on pay, according to new findings by a federal watchdog agency.

The government had offered a $750 million loan earlier this month as part of its efforts to prop up the ailing auto industry, including Chrysler, which is racing to avoid bankruptcy. Chrysler Financial is a major lender to Chrysler dealerships and customers.

In forgoing the loan, Chrysler Financial opted to use more expensive financing from private banks, adding to the burden on the already fragile automaker and its financing company.

Chrysler Financial officials denied in a statement that the company's executives had refused to accept new limits on their pay, adding that the firm turned down the loan because it no longer needed it. But their account conflicts with a report set to be released today by the Treasury's special inspector general for the federal bailout, saying the executives' refusal led Treasury to withdraw the loan offer.

"It was certainly a deal-breaker from Treasury's perspective," said Neil M. Barofsky, the special inspector general, who spoke to the bailout program's chief compliance officer about the situation last week.

The incident is the latest controversy to illustrate the hazards confronting the Obama administration as it sets out to assist private firms.

The uproar over the federal financial rescue, much of it focused on executive pay at bailed-out firms, has made companies skittish about taking government aid. Several big banks, such as J.P. Morgan Chase and Goldman Sachs, have said the bailout money now carries a stigma and have taken steps to pay it back. A program to aid small-business lenders has been stymied by the firms' reluctance to accept pay limits and other requirements of bailout loans.

Government officials have said that unless financial firms have enough resources to lend liberally to consumers, the economy cannot be revived.

The Treasury Department previously lent Chrysler Financial $1.5 billion, when less stringent requirements on executive compensation were in place for recipients of federal bailout money. But since that first loan was announced on Jan. 16, the Obama administration and Congress have toughened the rules.

During March, when it seemed that the first loan would run out, the Obama administration began working on a deal to lend the company an additional $750 million.

It did not take long for most of the agreement to fall in place. But on April 7, the Treasury asked Chrysler Financial to have its top 25 executives sign waivers regarding their compensation, according to the special inspector general's report.

Those waivers would have barred the executives from suing the Treasury or Chrysler Financial over new pay restrictions. As part of the economic stimulus package, Congress approved compensation limits, and the Treasury is working on clarifying what the firms must do to comply with the rules.

In other words, the executives were asked to sign the waivers without knowing what specific limits the Treasury might set.

Within a week, Chrysler Financial responded that "it was unable to obtain waivers from all 25 executives," the report said. By last week, the report added, "the request for additional funding was denied."

Chrysler Financial denied that its executives balked at new pay limits and said the firm had met all the restrictions of its first loan from the government's Troubled Assets Relief Program, or TARP.

"Executives have not been presented with any new demands with regard to executive compensation," the company said in a statement. "As a TARP recipient we remain in full compliance with current executive compensation requirements."

A senior industry official with knowledge of the matter said Chrysler Financial passed up the new government loan because, with auto sales down in April, there has been even less need for financing. The official said that if sales pick up, Chrysler Financial may seek additional government aid, even if it means agreeing to executive-compensation limits.

"If Chrysler Financial needs the cash to support Chrysler, they [the executives] are not going to put the auto company at risk," said the senior industry official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the negotiations were private. "These guys aren't going to blow up the car company for their personal reasons. . . . They've done everything they can to support the automotive company."

Chrysler Financial recently announced publicly that it no longer needs additional federal loans. Instead, the company said, it will rely on other sources of financing.

"Chrysler Financial has determined that it has adequate private capital funding to cover the short-term needs of our dealers and customers and as such no additional TARP funding is necessary at this time," the company said in a statement.

But by forgoing the government loan, the company had to tap loans from a group of private banks, including J.P. Morgan and Citigroup, that charged more for the money than the government would have, sources said. That line of financing had been arranged in August, when the company was struggling to stay afloat, according to an industry official.

Chrysler and Chrysler Financial are separate companies. But both are owned largely by Cerberus, a private-equity firm. The German automaker Daimler owns a 20 percent stake in each.

Treasury officials declined to comment on the matter but released a statement that said the department's auto task force would "monitor closely the financing situations for both GM and Chrysler."

"This is an issue that Chrysler and its stakeholders will need to address as part of this process and any potential deal," the statement said.

Review and Comment on the News (Illustrated)

2009-04-12T00:59:00.000-07:00

For the week of April 6-April 12, 2009. Here is my review and comment on a few of the newsworthy events of the past week. Prepare to have your mind blown to pieces by the sweet embrace of truth.

Issue #1

PIRATES!

Somalia is one happening place. The somali's dig the retro trend in a big way and over the past week they've been partying like it's 1599. Somali Pirates have apparently made the genius move of attacking american ships, and are now holding an american sea captian hostage.

While most people tend to think of pirates as romantic figures of the pre colonial era, they in fact have continued on pillaging and plundering up through modern times. In fact, pirates have recently enjoyed a dramatic resurgence in popularity due to scarce law enforcement along the coasts of poorer nations, and throught the propagandist efforts of the Disney Corporation.

Perhaps we would have realized that pirates were not the cute, cuddly figures of mythic lore if we'd studied actual history and learned about all the raping and murdering, or maybe we should have figured out that pirates were lame when the second two movies sucked like a hoover vacuum cleaner (seriously, the witch was a 90 foot tall sea monster? was that plotline even necessary? Keira Knightly is a pirate king? Orlando Bloom is straight? I'm sorry, but suspension of belief only goes so far).

This entire subplot made no sense. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here!

Anyway, we've now discovered that pirates are not our friends, and they are, in fact, very bad. Once again, we've been misled by the liberal, elitist media, which would have you belive that pirates looked like this:

When they really look like this:

Way to really go after those facts, big media! The Pirates are now apparently back on their ship, holding the captain of the American vessel as a hostage. To the captain's credit, he staged a nearly successful escape from his captors. He was caught swimming away and dragged back, but darnit, at least the dude fought off a bunch of scummy pirates first. The news outlets have not released the name of this incredibly bada** captain, put according to our artists he looks something like this:

Here at simsisms we would like to express our confidence that the captain will escape the somali pirates and discover what lies in the shadow of the statue. He's that good. As for the pirates, they are not exactly well trained, fast running out of food and water, and they have run out of fuel for their ship. By the way, they're also surrounded by a pissed of american navy. We don't really give these guys much of a chance. In fact, we've put our best scientists to work coming up with what it would take to get the Pirates out of this jam:

Sorry guys, I'm guessing you don't have one of these aboard the ship. Rest in Peace.

Issue #2

Michelle Obama grows disgusting food

Pop Quiz time boys and girls. This quiz is one question long, and here it is. Who do you trust to tell you if food is safe to eat:

a) Scientists

or

b) Hippies

Now hold on, before you make your choice, I want you to consider some things. Remember that science gave us this guy:

Whereas hippies gave us this guy:

Hold on, there's more. Greatest accomplishment of science?

That's right, they put a man on the freaking moon. Greatest accomplishment of Hippies?

So, once again, who's judgement would you trust more, Scientists or hippies? If you picked the first choice, you are not Michelle Obama.

It's no secret that we here at simsisms oppose the organic food movement on the grounds that it is stupid. It's worse than stupid, because its advocates have discouraged famine nations from accepting genetically modified food as well as other food assistance because the evil bogeyman of "harmful toxins" could cause health problems or (gasp) damage the environment. Interestingly enough, you know the most frequent cause of death among people who have no food? That's right, it's STARVATION. Let's do the math on this: food treated with manmade pesticides = no scientificly proven danger. Organic foods which cannot be grown in sufficient supply to feed enough people = many people die of starvation.

So, this week, Michelle Obama announced her plans to plant a garden of organic food to meet the vegetable needs of the White House. Look, she even took kids on a tour through the garden.

Don't lie. That's pretty freaking cute and cuddly. No wonder Opera loves her.

We see nothing wrong with planting a garden, we just object to the brainwashing pro-organic speech that she gave afterwords. I hate to keep harping on this but I can't understand why an obviously educated and intelligent person would put stock in the whole organic food nonsense that science tells us is bunk. The same people who will beat you over the head with "science"whenever Darwin or Global Warming are mentioned seem to casually disregard actual science when it comes to things like so called "organic food." Again, we wouldn't have a problem with this if it didn't help further the radical agenda of a militant group of extremists who are content to let whole nations starve rather than take science's word that really, seriously, the food is safe. Make up your mind people, either you believe science or you don't.

Issue #3

Obama bows to the Saudis

This is one of those rare issues where we get to take both the left and right to task for being stupid. Earlier this week, Obama met with the Saudi leadership and caused an outrage when he bowed to them. When the people called him out on it, Pres. Obama had the audacity to deny that it had ever happened. Apparently, Pres. Obama did not realize that things that occur at a photo opportunity are often...you know....PHOTOGRAPHED and that there would be both pictures and videotape of him bowing.

Sorry, Mr. President. That is a bow. Nice try though. Way to show people that you are a different kind of politician, one who would never lie and is all about change. Well done.

Now that we've appropriately taken the president to task for being a liar, let's turn this around and ask his opponents, "WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?" I mean, of all the possible criticisms to lob at the guy, you choose THIS? Let's take a quick look at other things that the President has screwed up that you should be harping on instead-

South Korea launches long range missles on Obama's watch- Legitimate Gripe

Iran is still developing nuclear weapons- Legitimate Gripe.

Banks posted record profits with our money- Legitimate Gripe

Campaigning on a platform of ending the war in Iraq and then adding more troops and admitting that Bush was right and that we can't leave until Iraq is stable- Legitimate Gripe.

All of these are legitmate things that Obama dropped the ball on. Bowing to the Saudis just doesn't seem relevant. Especially when you consider what the last guy did when he met with the Saudis.

What's this photoshop I keep hearing about? I know not of what you speak.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the right-wingers have a point on this. The President is the leader of the free world. It is a disgrace to have him bow down to anyone. It betrays the republic and it shames us all. In fact, I'll agree with the critics on this. Any president who would bow down to someone is unworthy to hold the office and should resign in disgrace.

That's it for now, see ya next week, kiddos!

2009-04-05T14:36:00.000-07:00

Time for another illustrated review and comment on the news. Prepare yourself, as I take all that you know about your world, and comment snarkishly upon it. Prepare...to go over the edge.

1. The Economy

First and foremost on everyone's mind these days, except for the president (too busy weeping over his lame NCAA bracket), is the colossal mass of flaming goat excrement that is the remains of our economy. For those of you joining this crisis late, let's recap what's gone on:

a) In order to convince banks to loan to less credit worthy people, the government pressured banks to engage in subprime lending.

b) The federal reserve kept interest rates inexplicably low for decades.

c) Years of prosperity left investors world wide with trillions of dollars to invest and seeking a safe investment.

d) People realized that U.S. real estate almost never decreased in value over the long term, and even if a borrower didn't pay back a loan, there was still a brick and mortar secured asset which meant any money you loaned was insanely safe.

e) Financial types bought the rights to people's mortgages, bundled them all together, and sold pieces of the mortages to different investors. As the homeowner made the interest payments, the investor got a return on his investment.

f) Investors were so happy with their investments that they demanded more mortgages to invest in.

g) Loan companies lowered the standards to qualify for loans so that pretty much anyone could get a home loan, regardless of whether they had assets or even a job. Many of these loans had an adjustable rate, with a very low rate for the first months of the loan that then went way up later.

h) Financial types realized these loans were shaky, so they sold pieces of risky loans together with not-so-risky loans so that the investments looked good to the unsuspecting buyer.

i) everyone was buying so much real estate that demand went up, which drove prices way up.

j) prices for homes went up, which meant the value of everyone's home went way up. This meant a lot of people had more equity in their homes.

k) Unsavory lenders and greedy homeowners took out loans against all the equity they had in their house. People were convinced to go invest that money in the stock market, or the less savvy went and bought boats, play stations, cars, and gold plated bathroom tissue to flaunt their newly acquired wealth.

l) Realizing that Social Security was basically a giant government mandated ponzi scheme, baby boomers started pouring money into 401(k)'s and IRA's, which were linked to the stock market.

m) the stock market, fueled by these investment dollars soared, many people were happy, and investors kept looking for more places to put their money

n) around Valentines Day of 2007, Investment groups started noticing that people were defaulting on mortgage payments shortly after moving into their houses. Some weren't even able to make their first mortgage payments. Savvy investment types started closely looking at what they had been buying for their investor clients. After they went home to change their now soiled pants, the investment types called the financial types and politely told them that they would not be buying any more loans.

0) Financial types realized they were deeply screwed.

p) People started defaulting on loans and filing for bankruptcy in record numbers. Banks that held these mortgages realized they were deeply screwed. Not having any money left to lend, banks started declining money to anyone. About this time, I bought an Altima.

q) While consumers were losing their houses, the government was content to sit on its golden toilet seat and watch the whole thing unfold on the 96" plasma TV the government had mounted to its bathroom wall, whilst wiping its rear end with $100 bills and smoking cigars made out of illegal immigrant tax contributions.

r) Suddenly, companies started missing debt payments, resulting in the payout of massive credit swaps. Credit swaps are complicated and difficult to explain, but the basic thrust is that its similar to a life insurance policy that you can take out on someone else's debts (when they default, you get paid), sell to another person, and is not regulated in any way by the government. In fact regulation was expressly rejected by congress on a 96-0 vote (how's that for bipartisanship). At it's height, there was about 30x more liabilities than assets represented by credit swaps. Credit swaps were purchased from many sources, but one of the largest was money contributed to money market accounts, supposedly one of the safest type of accounts you could have because they never returned a loss.

s) The biggest money market holder posted a loss, which meant rich people were losing money. banks were now unwilling to lend money to pretty much anyone, and our debt glutted economy began to screech to a halt. Since rich, campaign contributing people were losing money, the government decided that it was appalled and went into panic mode.

t) The government decided to give a ton of money to banks so that they would lend the money out and credit would start moving again. The banks took their money, and promptly didn't lend it to anyone.

u) AIG, the largest holder of credit swaps, announced that it was about to go under, and threatened to hurt lots of rich campaign contributors if it went, so the government gave it a ton of money. AIG promptly gave its executives large bonuses and congratulated them for having sucha good year.

v) the auto industry announced that it was going under, and that if it went out of business the UAW would no longer be able to donate to DNC re-election campaigns, so the government gave them a ton of money. A number of people, myself included, called shenanigans at this point, said that we should force the automakers into Bankruptcy and said that they would just need more money later if we didn't.

w) Barack Obama is elected president, promises bi-partisanship, a solution to people losing their houses, lower taxes, and to restore the confidence of the market.

x) Barack Obama takes office, tells republicans to go screw themselves, does nothing to save a single home foreclosure, raises taxes, and destroys confidence in the market until it drops below 7000.

y) Barack Obama appoints a tax dodging nincompoop as treasury secretary, prints trillions of dollars for banks, fills out the lamest NCAA bracket in history, and continues to ignore homewoners.

z) Obama administration is shocked, SHOCKED, when the auto makers return and say they need more money. Considers forcing them into bankruptcy, $30 billion dollars after everyone else said that they should.

This review was not fact checked in any way and contains glaring inaccuracies. Sorry, it was all taken off the top of my head. Which brings us to where we are today. On the brink of what may very well be a depression. Obviously nothing on the scale of the Great Depression, but still, pretty stinking bad. What's more, we've been here for over two years and the prevailing wisdom among both parties in the government is that we can somehow spend our way out of this. Here's a pictoral representation of what continued undisciplined spending will bring.

More Unemployment

Inflation

Continued losses in the market

Possible death of the dollar

When are our president, and the incredibly clueless mr. Geithner going to wake up? We cannot print enough money to end this recession. We have to end the madness. Stop giving money to companies that are failures. I know giving money to failures seems counter intuitive to a group that is dedicated to public schools, but I think it is time to admit that throwing good money after bad in this case is just not working. Also, maybe the administration might want to reconsider its continued war on people with money. Who exactly do you think is going to pay for this recovery you want to have, Mr. Obama? Cause it's not going to be the minimum wage workers. Instead of worrying about fairly getting money to everyone, worry about getting money into the hands of people who can spend it. We have to end our current economic policy, which can best be described as:

2. Continued Foreclosure Crisis.

For those wondering, yes, I do read www.BlackCommentator.com regularly. But back to the issue. We're two years into this mess, and how many homes have we saved? Zero. We need to accept that until the housing market is stabilized, we're not going to start a recovery. The housing market is not going to stabilize until we get these recently built homes into the hands of people who can afford them. This is why I support, and you should support, the current bill that will allow bankruptcy judges to modify the mortgages on debacle-era homes, and if necessary reduce the principal on loans so that the owners can afford to keep their homes.

Will this lead to an increase in bankruptcy filings? Maybe. But, until we get the housing market stabilized there is no real economic recovery in sight. Until the houses are in the hands of people who can afford to own them, there will be no stability. We can either make them affordable to the people who currently own them in a relatively short period of time, or we can drag this out for years, as new wave of people finally run out of the means to pay for their overpriced house. I for one prefer that we get this over with quickly, stabilize the market, and move on.

I know a lot of people think that this is ridiculously unfair to the lenders. Why should they have to absorb a loss just because some schmo bought a home he couldn't afford. Well, ignoring the fact that the lenders have already been given a trillion dollars they don't deserve, let's talk about investing. A loan is an investment. Like any other investment a loan carries risk. You are NEVER guaranteed a return on an investment; housing is no different. These loans were made with the understanding that they were risky investments and this time the imprudent investors are going to get taken to the cleaners.

Besides, the lenders are already going to be hit with those losses. Right now its a matter of whether they are going to take the loss when they go through an expensive foreclosure process, take possession of the home and then sell the home for a loss on the open market and write off the loss. A mortgage cramdown (where a judge rewrites a loan) means that the bank takes the loss it was probably going to take anyway, but it avoids the foreclosure process and the debtor gets to keep the home. Banks can actually come out BETTER in this scenario because they will be getting the appraisal value for the house, whereas most houses being sold on the market today are actually going for below market value. Banks also get to save on the cost of the foreclosure. This is one of the reasons why many of the big banks have now embraced the idea of mortgage cramdowns.

It's not about fair anymore, it's about what works.

3. AIG

Speaking of things that don't work, let's talk about AIG. Believe it or not, I don't have any problem with AIG executives getting a massive bonus. I have a problem with us having given AIG any money in the first place. It's a failed company that ran around and staked it's future on risky ventures. It took a risk and should have to pay. As for the bonuses, I find it wholly disingenuous for the government to bend over backwards to allow these executives to get their bonuses, and then act shocked when the whole thing comes to light. I find it even more unethical to pass an ex post facto law (which the constitution prohibits, if memory serves) to tax those bonuses as a way of congress covering its own screw up. I don't care if the supreme court backs this law, it is wholly unamerican to single out a group for punishment that did nothing illegal.

On the subject of bonuses, let's talk about congress for a minute. Congress gave itself a payraise this past term, and gave out bonuses to its staff. As far as I am concerned, the failed workers of a failed government are far less deserving of a reward than the failed workers of a failed company. AIG lost billions, Congress has cost us TRILLIONS. So much money that our children's children will be saddled with the debt. If anyone should be giving back salary and bonuses, it is this congress.

4. Auto Bailout

Months ago, when the American Automakers showed up with designer hat in hand to ask for a bailout, pretty much anyone with half a brain (Mitt Romney), and even some people with less than half a brain (me) said we should tell them to pound sand and head over to the Bankruptcy court. We were told that was not an option, the economy wold hopelessly dies, etc. etc. Now, we're hearing reports that the automakers might be forced into bankruptcy. Nice going, government. Couldn't you have reached this conclusion BEFORE we gave them 30 billion dollars?

5. Gay Marriage in Iowa

Not content to accept the overwhelming will of the people, God, or even the dictionary Iowa has decided to allow gays to marry. As a student of the law (by student, I mean one who plays spider solitaire continuously while an angry lesbian lawyer rambles on) I am continually amazed at judges who substitute their own will for the will of the people and 6000 years of accepted moral history. Even societies which tolerated homosexual relationships did not afford them the status of a marriage. Period. But this is the internet, let's not judge positions based on rational argument and thought. Let's judge them by the people associated with each idea. First, let's look at the leading advocates of gay marriage:

Now, let's look at the leading opponent of gay marriage:

Sure, one is the Savior and Redeemer of mankind, but the other one, she had a talk show. She clearly must be qualified to dictate social policy.

And yes, God is anti-gay marriage. Remember Sodom and Gommorah? Here's a rough picture of what they look like now.

I'm guessing, and this is only a guess, that if he felt that strongly about the issue 4000 years ago, that he probably hasn't changed his views that drastically. Of course you are free to disagree with me, but the fact remains that no society has ever recognized a gay marriage, the majority of Americans OPPOSE gay marriage, and there is nothing in the law which permits or calls for it. If you doubt me, take the argument to the supreme court and just see how well that one goes. You are firmly, undeniably, and completely in the wrong and you need to accept it and back off. As for me, I'm officially marking down Iowa as a state to avoid. I predict a smiting in its future.

6. NCAA Tournament

Here at simsisms, we don't have a lot of time to follow sports, which is probably a good thing because if we'd watched the Padres last season we might have been forced to commit Hari Kari. However, we do like to keep up on what is going on. We were very glad to see that UConn finally got eliminated, and that UNLV didn't even make the tournament.

As for the championship game, if the lead picture didn't give you some idea of who we are pulling for, maybe this will:

Sorry, I can't stand Hanbrough. He's an over-rated hemophiliac and I can't see him amounting to much in the NBA. As much as it pains me to root for a team in Michigan, I gotta cheer for the underdog in this one. Also, while we're on the subject of Michigan, I found this picture, which I would like to publicily dedicate to my friend Nick.

As far as both teams go, I hope it is a good close game, and that the players enjoy this once in a lifetime experience. Go live it up afterwards, too. The nation understands that athletes train hard and are intensely dedicated. If you guys need to blow off some steam, don't worry, no one will look down on you. This country treats its star athletes like kings.

Or maybe not.

Sorry for the lengthy post. Feel free to leave a comment on the many controversial, strange, and frankly, wrong things I've just written about.

Washington Post Op-Ed

2009-04-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

Richard Cohen's great Op-Ed article pleading for the government to let GM and Chrysler fall into Bankruptcy.

The Wheels Are Off

Stop Pouring Money Into GM and Chrysler

By Richard Cohen

Tuesday, March 31, 2009; Page A17

When I was around 12, I was a paperboy for the now-defunct Long Island Press. One Thursday, when the paper was heavy with shopping inserts, a storm hit, and my papers and I wound up in a puddle. My customers would not pay for a paper not delivered, and the Press insisted on billing for those I had received. The CFO of my company, a.k.a. my father, took one look at my books and pronounced me bankrupt. He would say the same thing about General Motors and Chrysler.

This is not a complicated concept. GM and Chrysler do not have the money to pay their bills. They are, in fact, deeply in debt and have almost depleted the $17.4 billion the federal government -- which is to say, you and I -- lent them only last December. Now they are asking for billions of dollars more -- $16.6 billion for GM and $5 billion for Chrysler. Life itself instructs that it will not end there.

The Obama administration has warned both companies that it may let them sink into bankruptcy. In the meantime, though, more money is probably on the way -- along with some cosmetic management changes. Rick Wagoner, GM's chief executive of blessed memory, has already been pushed out, and the company's directors are heading in the same direction. Still, somebody -- God only knows who -- is supposed to come up with yet another plan to save GM and do it in 60 days. Maybe they'll outsource it.

It beats me whether either company can be saved. Both have proved themselves to be singularly incompetent over the years, but lately, some brain waves have been detected. GM, in particular, has been developing energy-efficient cars and, according to the administration's auto task force, could survive if it further cuts its expenses. Chrysler, in contrast, can survive only if it more or less merges with Fiat -- a company once renowned for poor management. See: Anything can happen.

Here I must introduce Tim Geithner, the hapless-cum-brilliant secretary of the Treasury. He not only proves that conventional wisdom is a half-truth but that in certain matters, it is best to be first. Geithner got confirmed by the Senate even though he had failed to pay some taxes; Tom Daschle later had to withdraw his Cabinet nomination for a similar offense. As always, timing is everything.

So it is with this auto industry bailout. It comes too late. It comes after the government has substantially taken over some big banks and that financial house of horrors called AIG. Taxpayers are now in hock for trillions of dollars, some of it incurred to bail out the thieves and rascals who bought $1,000 bottles of Cristal champagne at New York clubs or put the GDP of small nations up their noses. With the various stimulus packages, we are adding $9.3 trillion in debt over the next 10 years.

The auto industry is not only late to the table, it comes with a bad rep. We may not understand what AIG did -- what's a credit-default swap, anyway? -- but we sure as hell know what GM did: It made a lot of lousy cars. So did Ford and Chrysler. They made cars with utter contempt for the customer. The industry at one time even opposed seat belts and air bags, and it designed cars that were not safe. I know things have changed, but I remember. I remember.

Finally, we have yet another application of the Geithner Rule. Recall his confused explanations of how he learned of those AIG bonuses. Those of us who cannot find our keys in the morning ought to have nothing but sympathy for a man who is now running a large part of the American economy. Of course, he might not have been paying attention. He can't pay attention to everything.

This is where bankruptcy comes in. It slows things down. It's a mechanism. It's a process. It takes things step by step. It has been designed for situations such as the one the auto manufacturers face. It puts things into court and out of the political arena, where both the United Auto Workers and the Big Three can play the lobbying game. Bankruptcy can save the industry.

Is there a downside? Sure. No one knows whether anyone will buy the cars of a bankrupt company. (The government could guarantee the warranties.) Will it further hurt the economy? Probably, but who really knows? But bankruptcy acknowledges a reality -- GM and Chrysler are broke. I wish them luck -- but no more of my money.

Failure, Canada Style.

2009-03-31T22:37:00.000-07:00

Cellphone jamming principal forced to retreat at B.C. high school
Device illegal in Canada, students point out

CBC News
Many schools across Canada have banned cellphones from classrooms. Many schools across Canada have banned cellphones from classrooms.

The battle between students and teachers over the use of cellphones in schools reached new heights in B.C. when a school principal installed an electronic jamming device to stop the ring tones, the chatter and the text messaging.

Steve Gray, the principal in Port Hardy Secondary School on the north coast of Vancouver Island, was frustrated that a cellphone ban in his school wasn't working.

"We banned them a couple of years ago and that doesn't seem to have stopped the problem," Gray told CBC News on Monday.

"When there are cellphones in use, there is a constant background of 'Please put your cellphone away. Please give me your cellphone,'" Gray told CBC News.

So about a month ago he went online and bought a device from China to jam the signals.
Electronic warfare

Last week the device, which Gray described as a little box with four antennas, arrived from China, and he plugged it into the wall in the school library.

"I thought we'd do a little experiment and see what happens," he said.

"It was astonishing how it worked.… Two-thirds of the school instantly shut down for cellphone use. The teachers were very happy. Students were wondering what was going on," he said.

"Many students said, 'Yeah, you have done the right thing,'" said Gray.

Many others, however, were irate, and on Thursday a group of students refused to return to class after lunch, claiming their rights had been taken away, said Gray.

The students informed the principal the jamming device was illegal in Canada, and Gray had to pull the plug.

Now he's back to the frustration of an ineffective cellphone ban.

"It's not easy to enforce, because, you know a cellphone in your pocket, it's impossible to know it's there, and it's always on, always ready to be used," he said.
Toronto has largest ban

In Toronto, school trustee Josh Matlow understands the principal's frustration, but he said with proper enforcement cellphone bans can work.

Matlow introduced Canada's largest ban two years ago across 560 public schools. He acknowledges that some students still break the rules, but says fewer are using phones inside the classroom.

"If they are caught using it in the classroom, the teacher is allowed to confiscate the cellphone. Certainly, in most cases they get a warning, and they are told to turn it off," he said.

In New York City schools, students are banned from having cellphones on school property, but Matlow said that violates their right to contact parents on the way to and from school.

Instead, he urges school boards in Canada to go as far as they can to ban cellphones in the classroom — without breaking the law.

Untitled

2009-03-19T20:16:00.001-07:00

2009-03-17T18:25:00.001-07:00

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Stephen's Angry Mob Will Crush AIG

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor

Mark Sanford
NASA Name Contest

Good News for Young Recessionistas!

2009-03-17T12:07:00.000-07:00

Under 35? Hurray for the meltdown!

If you're a young adult, the economic clouds have silver linings: You've got time to recover from the market's losses, and you can snag a great deal on your first house.

By Liz Pulliam Weston

MSN Money

If you're 35 or older, the financial crisis may seem to have no upside. Your retirement funds, home equity, job prospects and credit lines have withered so much that it's hard to focus on anything but what you've lost.

If you're young, though, the biggest threat to your future financial security isn't the current crisis. Your greatest risk is that fear will cause you to miss some once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.

Consider:

Houses are on sale. Home prices are down 27% from their July 2006 peaks, according to the S&P/Case-Shiller Home Price Indices, and values have fallen more than 40% in some areas. That's a bummer for current homeowners but a boon for those just starting out who can now afford better homes and neighborhoods than they could have just a few years ago.

Could home prices drop further? Of course they could, and they probably will, because the foreclosure crisis is far from over. But right now:

Interest rates are still near generational lows but are likely to shoot up once the recovery begins.

The Internal Revenue Service will give you an $8,000 tax credit if you buy before Dec. 1.

You shouldn't buy if you can't stay put for at least five years. And you should read "3 bad reasons to buy a home." But if you're where you want to live and can afford the costs, there may never be a better time to buy.

Stocks are on sale. Yeah, yeah, you've heard this before -- and heard it discounted by pundits who measure "long term" in weeks or months. So let's be clear: You've got at least 30 years until retirement, and an investment in stocks, as measured by the benchmark Standard & Poor's 500 Index, has never lost money in any 30-year period. Far from it. Even those who invested before and during the Great Depression, when stock indexes plunged by up to 90%, eventually came out ahead:


30-year period	Average annual return*	30-year period	Average annual return
1928-1958	8.47%	1935-1965	12.00%
1929-1959	9.20%	1936-1966	10.53%
1930-1960	10.27%	1937-1967	12.93%
1931-1961	13.27%	1938-1968	12.31%
1932-1962	13.25%	1939-1969	11.99%
1933-1963	12.40%	1940-1970	12.53%
1934-1964	13.03%

*As measured by the S&P 500 Index at year-end

Source: T. Rowe Price

Here's another way to look at it: Much has been made of the fact that the S&P 500 has fallen more than 50% from its peak, to under 800. Thirty years ago, the S&P was under 100.

Could stock prices fall more? Of course they could.

But to think stocks will never recover is kind of ridiculous. Yes, there are some doomsayers who are predicting the end of the financial world, with a complete worldwide collapse. But there have always been folks forecasting financial apocalypse, and they've always been wrong.

What's really going on is the flip side of the bubble. As human beings, we erroneously think that whatever happened recently will continue indefinitely. In good times, we decide that dot-com and real-estate prices can only go up. In bad times, we make the same mistake in the opposite direction.

What you shouldn't do is sit on the sidelines until it's "safe" to get back into the market. By the time the economy is clearly in recovery mode, the market will have made big gains, and you'll have missed out.

Credit is tight. How the heck is that a blessing? Unlike your unwise elders, you won't be able to borrow your way into trouble, at least for a while. You may actually learn to live within your means.

That's a big reversal from a couple of years ago, when lenders were pelting virtually everyone with credit cards, auto loans and outsized mortgages. Today the pendulum has swung so far in the other direction that you really need your financial ducks in a row to get a loan. (Read "Need a loan? Borrow like it's 1975" for details.)

The good news: Everybody's cutting back these days, and the national savings rate has jumped to 5%, so you won't stand out if you're careful with your money.

Where to start

That means it's a great time to:

Get in the habit of saving. A financial cushion is essential now that you can't just borrow your way out of a jam. Read "Why you need $500 in the bank" for starters. If you're saving for a home, shoot for at least a 10% down payment plus three months' worth of mortgage payments before you buy. ("The end of the 0% down payment" tells you more about why.) Want to buy a car? A 20% down payment is good -- 50% is even better -- because plunging resale values can leave you "upside-down" if you pay less ("What a car wreck could cost you" has details). Really smart folks pay cash for their cars and drive them until the wheels fall off. Owning your cars for 10 years instead of five can save you more than a quarter-million bucks over your lifetime.

Pay your credit card balances in full. This was always the best way, but it's crucial now that issuers are slashing limits and raising rates with little or no justification. If you don't charge more than you can pay off when the bill comes, you won't be at the mercy of mercenary lenders. This one habit can make a world of difference in your financial life, leaving you richer and at far less risk of bankruptcy.

Work on your credit scores. These little three-digit numbers have never been more critical than they are today. If you have good scores, you still have access to cheap loans and the best rewards cards. If you don't, you're in a world of hurt. Read "Raise your credit score to 740" and "7 fast fixes for your credit score" for more.

Cheerfully Stolen from msn.com

Epic Failure Prediction

2009-03-17T09:56:00.001-07:00

Stolen from CNBC.COM (Screw You, Jon Stewart).

Treasurys Are 'Disaster Waiting to Happen': Dr. Doom

The Federal Reserve has no option but to start buying Treasurys as the government's needs for financing are huge, but the government bond market is a disaster in the making, Marc Faber, editor and publisher of The Gloom, Boom & Doom Report, told CNBC.

Federal Reserve policymakers start a two-day meeting on Tuesday, weighing options on how to spur lending to help cash-strapped consumers kickstart the economy.

Economists expect them to leave rates at zero and look to other ways of boosting liquidity, such as buying government bonds – a measure which has already been taken by the Bank of England.

"Well I think other central banks have done it already around the world but basically what it amounts to is money printing and in fact I don't think that it will help the bond market at all in the long run," Faber told CNBC's Martin Soong.

The yield on the 30-year Treasurys touched a low of 2.51 percent last year in December but now it is back up at 3.77 percent, he said.

"Yields have already backed up pretty substantially and I tell you, I think the US government bond market is a disaster waiting to happen for the simple reason that the requirements of the government to cover its fiscal deficit will be very, very high," Faber said.

"The Federal Reserve will have to buy Treasurys, otherwise yields will go up substantially," he said, adding that as their reserves were dwindling, foreign investors were likely to scale down their purchases.

But there will be a time when the Federal Reserve will have to increase interest rates to fight inflation, and it will be reluctant to do so because the cost of servicing government debt will rise substantially.

"So we'll go into high inflation rates one day," Faber said.

The stock market is likely to continue its bounce at least for a while, but the outlook is bleak, he added.

"I think we may still have a rally (in the S&P) until about the end of April and probably then a total collapse in the second half of the year sometimes, when it becomes clear that the economy is a total disaster," Faber said.

Stupid Judge Watch

2009-03-15T14:15:00.000-07:00

Wake judge orders home schoolers into public classrooms

Posted: Mar. 12, 2009
Updated: Mar. 14, 2009

Raleigh, N.C. — A judge in Wake County said three Raleigh children need to switch from home school to public school. Judge Ned Mangum is presiding over divorce proceeding of the children's parents, Thomas and Venessa Mills.

Venessa Mills was in the fourth year of home schooling her children who are 10, 11 and 12 years old. They have tested two years above their grade levels, she said.

"We have math, reading; we have grammar, science, music,” Venessa Mills said.

Her lessons also have a religious slant, which the judge said was the root of the problem.

"My teaching is strictly out of the Bible, and it's very clear. It is very evident so I just choose to follow the Bible,” Venessa Mills said.

In an affidavit filed Friday in the divorce case, Thomas Mills stated that he "objected to the children being removed from public school." He said Venessa Mills decided to home school after getting involved with Sound Doctrine church "where all children are home schooled."

Thomas Mills also said he was "concerned about the children's religious-based science curriculum" and that he wants "the children to be exposed to mainstream science, even if they eventually choose to believe creationism over evolution."

In an oral ruling, Mangum said the children should go to public school.

"He was upfront and said that, 'It's not about religion.' But yet when it came down to his ruling and reasons why, 'He said this would be a good opportunity for the children to be tested in the beliefs that I have taught them,'" Venessa Mills said.

All sides agree the children have thrived with home school, and Vanessa Mills thinks that should be reason enough to continue teaching at home.

"I cannot sit back and allow this to happen to other home schoolers. I don't want it happening to my children,” Venessa Mills said.

Mangum said he wouldn't talk with WRAL News Thursday about the details of the case because he hasn't issued a written ruling yet. He said he expected to sign it in a few weeks.

An estimated 71,566 students were taught at home during the 2007-08 school year, according to figures released by the state Division of Non-Public Education. The enrollment amounts to about 4 percent of students ages 7 to 16 in North Carolina – students in that age range are required by state law to attend school. About two-thirds of the schools classified themselves as religious schools.

Home school students and their parents plan to come to Raleigh on March 24 to lobby at the state Legislature. They want to demonstrate they have a strong voice regarding education.

Reporter: Valonda Calloway
Photographer: Greg Clark
Web Editor: Minnie Bridgers

News I stole from NBC

2009-03-14T14:44:00.001-07:00

Gregg: Budget forecast a lie

Posted: Thursday, March 12, 2009 12:55 PM by Domenico Montanaro
Filed Under: White House, Congress, Republicans

From NBC’s Ken Strickland
It was obvious to most Capitol Hill insiders why President Obama wanted Republican Judd Gregg as a member of his cabinet: He's one of the sharpest money-minds in Congress.

But instead of getting Gregg's counsel within the administration, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner found himself today of the receiving end of Gregg's fiscal conservative wrath.

In a hearing before the Senate Budget Committee Gregg dressed down Geithner with facts, figures, and charts. While always keeping his cool, the exchange was somewhere between a mother's scolding, a drill sergeant's questioning and an attorney's cross examination.

In his opening statement, Gregg politely called the administration's budget forecast a lie.

"The argument that it cuts the debt in half in four years is, ahh, is truly spurious," he told Geithner.

President Obama himself gives Gregg's comments a sense of stinging credibility. When the president introduced Gregg as his nominee for Commerce Secretary last month, he said Gregg is known for is fiscal discipline.

"He shares my deep-seated commitment to guaranteeing that our children inherit a future they can afford," Obama said.

Today, the president's compliment of Gregg turned into an attack on Geithner. Gregg said the budget is essentially "putting on our children's backs a debt they can never get out from underneath."

He added pointedly, "I think we're putting at risk not only our children's future, we're clearly putting at risk the value of a dollar and our ability to sell debt."

When Gregg withdrew his nomination, he said he and the administration were "functioning from a different set of views on many critical items of policy."

Gregg's opening monologue today would indicate that was a gross understatement.

"The argument that this budget doesn't have tax increases [on everyone] is, I think, an 'Alice in Wonderland' view of the budget," he said.

He challenged the budget's math on cutting the debt: "When you take the deficit and quadruple it and then you cut it and half, that's like taking four steps back and two steps forward. That's not making any progress; you're still going backwards."

Gregg questioned why any foreign country would continue to buy up U.S. debt: "Because if I'm in the international marketplace, and I'm looking at this budget, I'm saying to myself, ‘Where's the discipline? Where's the containment?' There isn't any."

In his withdrawal statement last month, Gregg said, "I expect there will be many issues and initiatives where I can and will work to assure the success of the president's proposals."

The budget doesn't appear to be one of them.

Self Righteous or Does he have a point?

2009-03-13T03:06:00.001-07:00

Jon Stewart's interview with Jim Cramer.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Pt. 2

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

Everyone deserves a bailout

2009-03-12T15:06:00.000-07:00

"Lex Luthor Bailout" with Jon Hamm from Jon Hamm

Compromise

2009-03-11T23:08:00.001-07:00

Got a call from my bank this morning. All they would tell me was that my debit card number had been "compromised." Despite my further inquisition, they declined to tell me what that meant. However, they did tell me that they were shutting off my card and sending me a new card, which they generously agreed to rush to me.

So, until I get my new card I'm poor. Yea. In honor of my situation, here's an acoustic performance of one of my favorite bands, The Format, playing "THE COMPROMISE."

NOBAMA!

2009-03-03T10:14:00.000-08:00

STOP! STOP! STOP!

Here's the link to the Wall Street Journal article imploring Mr. Obama to stop his insane war on economic recovery.

Link

Stop the presses!

2009-03-03T09:07:00.000-08:00

Obama announced that the fed is going to print yet another trillion dollars to loan to people. When will this madness end? WHO IS JOHN GALT?

Stick with Cramer!

2009-03-02T19:48:00.000-08:00

Hey Geithner, YOU SUCK!

One of simsisms favorite market commentators, Jim Cramer on why the current bank plan sucks and won't work. The second clip, though a little long, is Cramer's explanation of why Obama's policies are killing the country and ought to be put on hold.

Can we force the market down to 6500 this week? YES WE CAN!

Ron Paul

2009-02-27T21:42:00.000-08:00

DownSize D.C.

2009-02-26T09:51:00.000-08:00

The fine folks at DownsizeDC.org have a mighty fine post on why the president's proposed plan will not work. Downsize is one of our new favorite websites here at Simsisms. Link HERE.

No No No

2009-02-25T00:04:00.000-08:00

I didn't watch the president's speech. Not because I wasn't interested, but because I knew from experience that I would end up throwing things at the television and frankly, in the Obama economy I can't afford to break my television.

I have read the reports on the speech and I just cannot fathom how anyone so dense could become the leader of this country. Granted, the last guy was no genius, but exactly what planet is Obama on? We've plunged a trillion dollars into the banking industry, and he basically said we're going to go spend even more money later? WHAT!?!?! We haven't spent so much as a dime to fix the mortgage crisis that is driving the economy downward. As for the president's plan to have a mortgage relief that doesn't reward unscrupulous buyers who bought homes they couldn't afford, that's the most asinine thing I've ever heard. It's the irresponsible buyers who are driving the economy downward. We've bailed out every other undeserving schmuck, why aren't we cutting home owners a break?

Not that it would matter if we did. There's a lot of talk about modifying loans, adjusting mortgage rates, etc. I'm going to tell you right now that this is all a mistake and these efforts are only going to prolong the agony of our faltering economy. Credit is not moving because of uncertainty. Uncertainty is being caused by the fact that a lot of companies have assets and they have no idea what they might be worth because real estate is essentially worthless as long there's an endless supply of foreclosed houses going on the market. It does not matter what the interest rates are, or what adjustments to principal are made. There are a lot of homes occupied by people who will never in a million years be able to afford to own a home. Not if the interest rate were -2% could they afford the payments. Rather than dragging this thing out by trying to keep people in homes they are going to inevitably lose, we should be speeding things up. We need to get people out of those houses and get the house sold to someone who can afford it. Once the houses are all sold, the real estate market will recover its value, and we can start rebuilding the economy.

In the meantime, the idea that we can throw money all over the place and the economy will magically heal is just insane. It hasn't ever worked in the past, the bailout shows no signs of working now, and it is the very definition of insanity to think that it will somehow start working in the future.

As if that weren't bad enough, the President then went on to say how he's found two trillion in savings from programs he's going to cut (not true, see links at end of post) promised to cure cancer, make us a green economy, and to get everyone a college education. WHAT? Ignoring that there is no conceivable way to pay for this, there is still no physical way to accomplish these goals. Not everyone can go to college. An outrageous number of kids can't pass the high school exit exam, how are they going to go to college? I also find it laughable that Obama would promise to end costly agribusiness subsidies, when he has continued to support the Ethanol, the largest agriculture swindle in America. This whole speech was outrageous and just plain idiotic. If you bought any of it then I suggest you have your head examined.

The fine folks at factcheck.org have weighed in on the stimulus plan. Their review can be found here (short version: It's Bull).

Also, the fact checkers at mywaynews had a thing or two to say about the speech tonight, story here (short version: you could fertilize your lawn with that speech).

P.S. Ben Bernanke said he thinks that the recession will end this year. Based on what? Where on earth do you get the facts to support your starry eyed optimism, Mr Bernanke? Please, share with us the figures that indicate any kind of trend towards recovery. Show us what facts convince you that all of the experts who say 3-5 years until a recovery are in fact wrong.

Don't believe the madness. Fiscal responsibility is our only way back to success.

Only you can bailout the economy

2009-02-23T09:25:00.000-08:00

Addicting Games has a great little game where you get to handout bailout cash or slap bankers. Give it a whirl:

Play Games at AddictingGames

D'oh!

2009-02-21T09:15:00.001-08:00

Some economists are saying that the president's new program to employ people to install rural broadband networks could actually result in job LOSSES. I'm starting to feel for Obama, the guy just can't catch a break. Story here.

Meanwhile, no one seems to be gaining enthusiasm for my plan to help the economy. I'll explain it again. We have people who need jobs, and we have an auto industry that needs something extraordinary to pull it out of the tank. Let's put those people to work building flying cars. It's almost 2010 and every freaking Sci-Fi movie worth its salt has promised us that we would have flying cars by now. Flying cars would revitalize the sagging auto industry, and it would eliminate the need to spend large chunks of government funds to maintain the roadways. Be honest, which would you rather see: people working in a modern Tennessee Valley authority, or those freakin' sweet flying cars from Minority Report. If the government is going to spend a trillion dollars, wouldn't you at least like to get flying cars out of the deal? Shouldn't a trillion dollars be enough to make it happen? Can we finally get the way cool flying cars that you know you want, and revitalize the American economy? YES, WE CAN!

I want to point out that not only is the Sims Stimulus plan economically feasible, it is the only stimulus plan that has the benefit of being TOTALLY AWESOME. I urge you to write, telephone, or email your congressperson and tell them to vote for the Sims Stimulus plan (also referred to as the Simsulus Plan). I want to point out to all of the naysayers that the Simsulus plan has EXACTLY the same chance of working as any other economic recovery plan that has been presented. Plus, it is the only plan that offers you FLYING CARS.

Congratulations

2009-02-19T21:09:00.000-08:00

Here at simsisms, we are often criticized for being too negative. But, we like to recognize achievement when we see it, so today, we at simsisms would like to give a big congratulations to the nation of Iran.

Intelligence reports that Iran now has enough uranium to make a nuclear weapon. SURPRISE!!! Iran is now one step closer to reaching its goal of being a nuclear force and vaporizing the filthy zionists. Iran, we congratulate you. YOU GO GIRL!!!

Idiot Watch

2009-02-19T09:13:00.001-08:00

Exactly how hard is it to find a competent attorney general? Have we had one in the last 20 years? In a nation where you can't throw a stone without hitting a lawyer, someone has got to be able to do the job and not be grotesquely beef-headed.

For those who didn't hear, soon to be former Attorney General Eric Holder called the United States a "Nation of Cowards." In context, his remarks were directed at america's ongoing failure to openly discuss the issue of race. However, that is NOT how the remarks are being taken. Memo to all would be cabinet officials: Speechwriters save lives. Enjoy crucifixion in the media Mr. Holder!

Story may be found here.

Poverty Watch

2009-02-19T08:45:00.000-08:00

Yet another reason why you are screwed:

Just as everyone who ever picked up an econ book has predicted, printing massive amounts of cash has caused inflation. Almost a full percentage point in the month of January. If inflation continues to rise at its present rate, we'll be looking at about 10% inflation this year. That's assuming things don't get worse, which they will every time the government decides that the solution to our problems is to spend money that doesn't exist rather than make real meaningful changes to the way we live.

Oh, and still more people lost their jobs. Details here.

Legal Watch

2009-02-18T09:33:00.000-08:00

What do you do as a follow-up for getting OJ? You take down Suge Knight. Infamous rap mogul and (alleged) force behind the Biggie and Tupac murders, pled guilty to Battery in a Las Vegas court recently. That's right, California. Our courts get the guys you can't. Send us Phil Spector and Robert Blake. We'll put them away too.

Suge was caught beating a naked woman along D.I. He apparently had possession of a bunch of ecstasy and a Gregory House amount of Vicodin. He also had a knife. Good Job, Suge.

Story here.

Today in the Financial Crisis.

2009-02-17T21:58:00.001-08:00

Quick survey of some notable financial developments.

First, in case you didn't know already, credit card companies hate you, and they aren't shy about showing it. Pretty much every credit card company on earth is raising their interest rates, minimum payments, and tacking on additional fees (ever call a credit card company? exactly how does an organization that does not provide service justify calling fees a "service charge"?). We here at simsisms would like to taunt all of you who slave away for VISA, Bastardcard, and American Excess by rubbing in the fact that we have no credit card debt. Neener, Neener, Neener.

Not wanting to be upstaged in the "people or groups that you are absolutely sick of hearing from" contest, congress immediately announced that it would be looking into credit card companies. The same credit card companies who no longer have the resources to give generous campaign contributions. Way to attract attention to yourselves at precisely the wrong moment, guys! Maybe you should have just lied low and waited for the whole economic crisis to blow over, but no, you had to go and try and get a few more drops of blood out of a nation full of stones. Good move, guys. Seriously, next announce your corporate sponsorship for the 2009 "Club baby seals" competition, FTW. Link to the story may be found here.

Next, a surprising number of homeowners have been able to escape foreclosure by asking their lenders to produce the note. Turns out, a lot of the time, Banks can't do it. Good job consumers. Pwn those banks! Link may be found here.

Forbes had a decent article on why we should not bail out shareholders in banks. I skimmed the article but didn't find any mention of bankers having horns. Must have been an oversight. Seriously though, the article should appeal to all of you amateur economists out there (you know who you are). Link here.

Also, it appears that the economic crunch is being felt all over, resulting in premiere Las Vegas attorney Craig P. Kenny actually charging for defending you from traffic tickets. Kenny used to provide this service for free as a way to meet new clients. Now he's charging 50 bucks. That's still less than most other lawyers are charging, but still, it stinks to lose such a valuable free service. Over the years, we here at simsisms have sent many people Craig's way, but we may now have to rethink this. Sorry Craig, until further notice we are downgrading your status from "People we love" to "People we moderately like." Story on Wild Wild Law, here.

I've been meaning to lug this for a while, but haven't found the right time to do it. I've decided that here is as good a place to plug it as any. One of my favorite prof's has a blog and I am commanding everyone to read it. Nancy Rapoport is one of the great bankruptcy minds in the state of Nevada, and has worked on several big name bankruptcy cases, including the Enron case. I insist that you check out her very worthwhile blog, http://nancyrapoport.blogspot.com/

Lastly, have you seen this photo?

Don't front, that's freaking cute. I don't even care that it has nothing to do with money and doesn't belong in this post.

More snarky comments as they develop!